Life and Me!

Wed Feb 24:

I figured maybe my pencil was just having a bad day yesterday – you know, cause we all have our off days. But it’s still not working. I will bury it tomorrow. I told Jer my pencil died and he said:

“My condolences for your iPencil. So young. So full of life. What a shame. Damn you God … You take and you take (Just kidding God. You know I’m just playing).”


Jer’s hilarious. I miss our lunch dates, walks to the local Asian Grocer and casual what-if chats about the zombie apocalypse and other crap; Plus our more thought-provoking convos, too, on psychology and child-rearing and relationships, and etc. 

I apologized to our PM and Business Developer guy in Paris – I might have upset them because sometimes I say things that come out harsh, and it could feel like an attack, but I just want to make sure there are no misunderstandings, unspoken expectations between us internally and with the client.  I am not afraid of confrontations if it means we will work better together. Still, I also don’t want anyone to feel like I’m attacking them. I hope they understand – and like always, it’s not until after the meeting was over that I thought maybe I could have pissed them off.

If I keep blurting out shit and pissing people off and apologizing, they might feel my apologies aren’t sincere. I hope that never happens.

Left the apartment to go to my chiropractor, and it’s like spring. I loathe spring. Deeply. Spring grosses me out. Everything looks dirty and wet and melty and ewwwwww. I mean, it’s not spring’s fault that humans are nasty – we litter, spit, don’t pick up after our dogs. If you cannot take a moment to pick up after your dog, you shouldn’t have one.  You irresponsible fuck!

Let me catch you – I will rub your face in that shit, take your dog, then, for good measure, beat you with a stick till I’m exhausted (that’s my dark side coming out). It’s possible some folks might not be able to bend, but I’m certain there’s a solution for that. I don’t want to see dog shit. I don’t want to see coffee cups and wrappers and napkins. Hold onto your refuse. You’ll get to the garbage soon enough. This is also why I hated New York when I was young. 

Walking outside makes me feel like I need to burn my clothes, shoes and take a long, scalding hot shower with surgical soap. 

My chiropractor has this medieval slab torture device thingy. I lie down on my belly. He attaches these electrodes to my back, adds a layer of hot packs, straps my feet, and then turns on the torture machine. It stretches you out, then moves your lower body towards the ground at an angle, then comes up again and repeats. In-Out-Down-Up.

Always, he forgets I need a towel cause the hot packs are from hell. Like, put a note in my file or some shit – Do not apply hot packs directly. Sam needs a towel.

“Are you sleeping on your back?”

“Mostly never.”


“I know I’m supposed to come in for regular maintenance, but I was feeling better until now.”  

“The last time I saw you was June.”

“That long! Really? I coulda swore I was here in November.”

“Come back next week. Once we get you back to normal, you have to come in every four to six weeks.”

Ugh! Discomfort of my own making.

Do you remember the days when your kids would run to you when you came home or when you picked them up from daycare? Those days are long over for me, but the memory crossed my mind when I came home today. If that was still happening, it would be wrong on so many levels.

Suppose your children never grew out of running to hug you? He’s married, you going over to visit cause you got grandkids, you’re walking with a cane, but here he comes with his humongous ass … “Mom!!!” He runs and jumps; you try to brace yourself to catch him. It didn’t work out that time – now you’re lying in the driveway bleeding from your ears, your grandkids are screaming, and he’s on the phone to 911. Your last thought before everything goes dark, “Asshole!”

BTW – There’s a Second City writing course that I really want to take!

I am fascinated by science, and lots of other stuff, as you know – Now it’s quantum mechanics and cosmology, specifically dark matter and dark energy – which makes up about 95% of our universe and we don’t know much about them at all. Isn’t that the most fantastic thing ever – to know that there’s so much we still don’t know makes me giddy. That’s just so amazing!

Sleep tight and dream of the makings of the universe.

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