Life and Me!

Mon Apr 05:

I dreamt that we moved offices again and our good-for-nothing “sales” guy came back to work for us. My boss probably felt sorry for him and decided to give him another chance, but he seemed willing to change and learn. I was working on pulling together existing training material from different sources for our hiring blitz (funny enough we talked about training material during our exec call) and I had a question for my boss but he was getting ready for a meeting:

“Do you have a few minutes?”

“I’m about to go into a meeting.” Another coworker was waiting for him.

“I’ll walk with you.”

“That’s uncalled for.” Then he started running and I was chasing him. Then his papers fell and I caught up and we laughed while picking them up.

My dreams overlapped and kinda ran into each other – I was admiring an orange parrot doing ballet – I was at a basketball game with Drake and some other celebrity guy then we went to a party or something. We hung out all night into the early morning; running around the city. Then I think I was back home in Guyana at my aunt’s house.

Hmmm. Did I ever tell you about the time I was accosted/cornered in my aunt’s kitchen area late one night by this grown man, I was probably 12 or 13. I can’t remember his name but he was a regular at the house and rode this noisy motorcycle (I think). You had to walk through the kitchen to get to the bathroom and when I came out of the bathroom he was standing there. I froze. Then he stretched his arms out for me to come to him. I just stood there, when he moved forward, I ran around the other side of the island/table and went back to bed. I [feel like I ] never told anyone that story till now. I was afraid to go to the bathroom at night after that, cause he would come over at all hours, so just cause I didn’t see him before going to bed didn’t mean he wasn’t there. I wish I could remember his name. I can see him standing there with his arms out, but I can’t see his face.

This morning, under my eyes looked really dark, I’m not getting enough sleep. I decided to wear eyeshadow to counterbalance the darkness (I don’t know if that’s a thing) but I think I put on too much so above my eyes looked like a bright sunny day and below my eyes looked gloomy, like it was about to rain. I checked myself out wondering if I needed to add, or remove, something. But what! Andr√© was awake so I went to get a second opinion:

“Do you notice anything different?” He sits up and assesses.

“Yes. You have stuff on you eyes.” It’s called eyeshadow dummy

“Do you like it?”

“Why are you wearing makeup?”

“Cause I want to.”

“But why?”

“Cause I feel like! Do you like it?”

“No.”

I kiss my teeth and close his door. (another good-for-nothing – will I never learn). I go back to the bathroom and wonder. Then I figured maybe my initial instinct was correct, I put on too much, so I tried to wipe some of it off. Then my eyelids felt itchy and burny and irritated. Yesterday I shaved my legs and I felt like wearing nail polish. I got all my stuff out and I only did my left hand. So my hands are lopsided like my face – That’s good right?

Remember I told you once that whenever I really love a poem, it is not well received, based on number of likes – Now my scientificish analysis proves it. The poems I publish that I am not so happy with always get more likes vs the ones I think are fantastic – but I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t be too critical and I will publish everything I write. My latest poem, Sky – I have one addition I want to make to the last line – If I go back and update a poem I already published, is that akin to cheating? I feel torn, but I feel like, it’s my poem, it’s not like there’s a submission deadline or something or no altering after date. Is there a limit to how many, what I believe to be, improvements I can make? And I don’t usually get the strong urge to make changes, this one is pretty strong and it’s a minor change so I think I will do it. Instead of … in the last line I want to add three words pause to admire in brackets.

Butterflies on the brain!

I owe work one hour of my time, well fifty minutes to be exact, from when I went to doctor last week. I got caught up playing video games and drawing over the weekend. After our exec call, I had my afternoon all mapped out – I’d work on finding governance info on SharePoint for our IT guy and I’d continue reading the roadmaps book while working on the presentation. But after I finished the SharePoint stuff, suddenly UGH GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! … I couldn’t focus for some reason – Like I was thinking about everything and nothing all at the same time. I thought, Ok brain, let’s take a break! I had an apple and a banana muffin for lunch, then I came back to my desk and sat and looked. WTF!!! Again I got up; I wandered around my apartment scratching my head, circling the kitchen like a scavenger who senses something’s about to die – I think I lost a few brain cells today. Again … I sat at my desk. The engine just kept sputtering but wouldn’t turn over. Dot Dot Fuckin’ Dot

Ended up taking a half day and going back to bed – I thought about making up the hours later in the week, but I already owe an hour and I don’t like when time piles up on me and I feel like I can’t catch up – that is as stressful as not being able to get work done.

Matt was expecting me to give him all his birthday money, over 600$, from his grandfather – I only gave him half. Surprisingly he understood why, I was expecting a knock down, drag out, battle royale to the death because he will all at once need everything under the sun when he knows he has money. I told him to make the 300$ work and really think about what he needs instead of just going to the mall with 300$.

I pretty much, slept my half day away and I am still tired. Well … Bunny Day is over and I made all the DIY egg stuff only to get a stupid bunny wand for all my effort – I was expecting something useful, like furniture. BTW if you are curious about the sounds in AC – although the video didn’t tell me how/why the characters sound the way they do, which is really what I am trying to figure out, it was still good.

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