Life and Me!

Fri Mar 05:

They need to regulate branding on toothpaste packages. Colgate – Cavity Protection, Colgate – Complete Protection. What’s the difference? Price BUT the ingredients are the exact same! Thief! I think all the brands do it. I’ve thought about making toothpaste, and I did once, but then my boss told me fluoride is essential, so I stopped. He’s like a walking encyclopedia.

I swear, some banks have the absolute worse credit card design. Every time I take the card out of my wallet, I wish I was blind! Anywayhow 😁 I called my storage guy and gave him the new card number, and at the end of the call, I said, “Have a good weekend.” I was expecting him to say, you too and hang up. Instead …

“Ah. Yes. I’ll try my best. See what’s on Netflix, but every time I want to watch something, I can’t find anything to watch.”

I agree with him and laugh. I was going to tell him about the random selector feature, but I figure he already knows, and maybe he’s venting. He’s not expecting me to offer a solution. Plus, the conversation should have ended already; I didn’t want to contribute to it lasting longer, but he continues …

“My friend told me to watch [insert whatever cause I can’t remember what he said]. The first season was good. The second season, not so good, but the third season is better; maybe I will continue watching it. Thank you for updating your account information.” 

“You’re welcome.”

“Have a good weekend.” Really?

“Thanks! You too! Bye!” I just said “you too” cause I figure this is how the conversation should have played out in the first place. Now he has his powers back.

“You’re welcome. Bye.”

I threw him off his game when I told him to have a good weekend first. Next time I’ll just hang up. Back in the day when André was young, he’d answer the phone and not say hello. What the fuck? Boy! Are you retarded? I’m like, “Dré! When you pick up the phone, you have to say hello.” He’ll nod his head like he understands, but then he’s doing the same thing again. Over and over for years. I should have known he was defective, even back then. By the time I really caught on, it was too late to send him back. Now I’m doin’ life with this motherfucker! (Pixie! If you ever read this, you know I love you, right?)

Last night the boys were chillin’ in my room before I went to bed, and suddenly Matt asked me, “Mom can I sleep with you?” (So many things happen between when I talk to you and when I actually go to bed – it’s bedlam.

“Ewwww Nigga! No!” Spontaneous outburst – it just came out before I even knew it. André couldn’t stop laughing! Matt went on to clarify that he likes my mattress, and that’s why he asked, but still. I remember when I went to Thailand, he slept in my bed the entire time.

André, “Mom, did you do your workout?”

“Pardon me.”

“Did you do your workout this morning?”

“What?” And I’m laughing the whole time.

“I don’t like the traditional workout; I like when we play handball, and I like to dance.”

“But you don’t want to go outside.”

“Cause it’s cold.” (although, sometimes I really don’t want to leave the house, even when it’s nice out)

“Ok. I’ll find a video for you to watch.”

“I don’t want to watch a video.”

“You can play Just Dance, but that’s not strength training.”

“I wanna strength train.”

“Ok. I’ll figure something out.”

I hug him and say, “I love you!”

“I love you too mom.”

I wanna play tag, handball or baseball (I’m tired of basketball), and I also like skipping (jump rope). I know those are cardio activities but whatever strength training I do, I want it to be fun. I want to have fun – and the traditional workouts aren’t fun for me anymore. Even running brings me no joy. It’s like going to a job you hate – You don’t want to go, and when you do, you can’t wait to leave. (or shoot up the place – I’m about to go postal in this bitch!)

🎶 Girls just wanna have fun. That’s all we really waaaaant. Just fuuuuun 🎶 (and cake by the ocean – I hope cake and ocean means what I think it means, and I’m not saying some crazy shit. I want actual cake, the kind you buy from a store or bake at home, by the ocean that you find on a map. Just want to clarify cause words don’t mean what they use to.)

There’s an invisible barn door in my mattress, and a miniature owl named Carlos Esquire lives in there. He’s so pretty, with white feathers on his face and belly and brown and copper-coloured wings to match the circle on his face. And he has these triangular sparkly freckles all over. I only happened to see him this morning cause I was waking up just when he was turning in. He waved. I waved back; and that was that. Next time I see him, maybe he’ll stop to chat. 

I saved the goodest bestest most fantasticest news for last – I bought my iPad and Pencil, next week this time I will be drawing again! Hold on to your cowboy hats ladies, gentlemen, non-binaries, cause it’s about to get wild in the firehall station! (sometimes I don’t know what I’m talking about but I still say it 🙂 ) Also, I made an oxtail stew for dinner 🙂 Another masterpiece. Thank you! Thank you!

BTW – I’m sportin’ a ‘fro in AC. Today I found out the weather isn’t exactly aligned to my region. I would like Nintendo to add pets to AC – I could have my dog follow me around the island, or play in the yard. I have to feed him, water him and pick up his poo and stuff – wouldn’t that be cool. I hope they’re already working on it.

I still haven’t made my LensCrafters appointment to get my eyes checked – but I won’t do any night driving until I do.

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