Wed Feb 3:
I had the perfect morning! Did my Japanese lesson, weight training, then sipped my bone broth with a teaspoon of coconut vinegar for breakfast – yummy!
Did I ever tell you about the time I disconnected my boss from a client meeting he was having on GTM? He was so effin’ pissed – He stormed in the room, voice raised – I don’t even know what he said. I just remember feeling like crap! I can’t even tell what I was trying to do, but, bottomline, I ended his call! Sometimes you make mistakes you feel you will never recover from, but you do.
I got an email from the Sales Director today, and it just irritated me – BUT I didn’t respond like a hothead (Sam v 4.7.0). Just because you feel like saying something doesn’t mean you should, especially via email – sometimes a quick convo is better. I mean, he’s bitching about filling out a Jira ticket. If you can send an email or fill out a paper form, you sure as hell can open a Jira ticket! Since when does Jira require neuroscientist knowledge to move about in their platform? Maybe he was having a bad day.
I realize that people don’t like to do things they feel are beneath them, so it’s better to give it to someone else to do. But I’m saying, if a Jira ticket is our trigger to get Dev to do shit, then it is what it is. Every Sales/Account Management person I’ve ever worked with had to make time for admin stuff – of course, you don’t want to be admining when you could be selling, so it’s a small part of your day/week.
My email interaction w/ our Sales Director and then my meeting with our Chief Architect (that our CTO didn’t show up for) left me feeling like nothing will ever change. Five, ten, fifteen years from now, we will be talking about the same shit in the same way (Fuck that! I won’t be around at year five!) I felt hopeless . They just fucked up my perfect morning (music please, I’d like to take back my day!) – What’s the point of even trying to change anything. I turned from my desk, feet on the ground, butt firmly planted in chair, leaning forward, my elbows met the top of my thighs, and my forehead met the palms of my hands, and I almost cried. I was able to stop myself though – thank you Prozac! But my head was hurting – still hurts!
I get it! The Dev guys are bitter cause they’ve been down this road before, several times. We create processes and we don’t follow them. I’ve been told that our Exec team doesn’t respect processes, and I don’t know which comes first, culture shift or process adherence that causes a cultural shift. I’m not here to try to change anybody’s behaviour; that’s on you! Plus, you see the success I’ve had with my son (lol). At the same time, I’m going to put a time limit on how long I’m willing to wait to see real, meaningful change before I jump ship.
Today feels like one of my lousy, douchebaggy boyfriend relationships – Muthafucka I’m done talking. You gonna wake up one day and never see me again (Poof!) …
… Ready! Set! …
I will feel better tomorrow! I just don’t want to waste my time doing things that mean nothing (I think that’s what’s bugging me the most!) I’ll talk to my boss, once I am less emotional. God! I wish I didn’t internalize everything!
Photo Credit: @corinthsuarez via Twenty20
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