Life and Me!

Mon Jan 11:

Why do people sit around at the end of a meeting. Like no one wants to be the first to say, “I’m outta here losers!” I think maybe people aren’t actually paying attention so they don’t notice the, “omg everybody fell asleep!” silence.

I almost didn’t talk to you today cause I didn’t feel like getting out of bed, but I did it! I slept from 4:30 pm to ~ 5:30 pm, then I was talking myself into getting out of bed for close to three hours!

Years ago I started working on being more concise and succinct, I probably started around 2016 or 2017 – I still have a long way to go! Maybe I’m not meant to be a concise and succinct communicator – but I see the value, this is why I sometimes revert to using flowcharts and process maps, it cuts down on the amount of words and hopefully gives the audience a visual they understand. So I will try to map out what’s in my head visually and do the same for what I am learning more often – Maybe going back to mind maps will be helpful as well. Why do I stop using methods that work? I don’t know! Why do I stop taking my pills? Why do I still believe, deep down, that I have a will power problem?

I told my doctor that:

  • I stopped taking my pills and plan to start again. Someday!
    • I told her about the long conversations I have with myself, “to take or not to take! That is the question!” (that’s not a long convo! One day I will give you a sample of my internal discussions.) (btw – when I stop taking pills, I stop taking all my pills, which includes my hormones – it’s all or nothing with me baby!)
  • I have trouble spelling words and am more forgetful than usual. She had some questions for me:
    • Is this new? No. But it’s happening more frequently and it’s taking longer for me to correct the word. And I can’t remember if I’d lock the door, or turned off the stove or whatever else, and even when I go back to check, I’m not satisfied and I have to check again, two or three times before I’m sure. Which is silly, cause even when I know, like I can clearly see that the stove is off, the thought still doesn’t leave my head!
    • Are you forgetting conversations you have with people? No. But sometimes I’d like to 🙂
    • She asked me more questions but they’ve gone to roost somewhere outside my head.
      • To wrap up (I spelled “warp” instead of “wrap”)
        • She thinks these issues are a manifestation of my anxiety/ocd
        • She thinks I might have ADHD or some kind of inattention related to ADHD – She said people always look at the hyperactivity but there is much more to it than that, and hyperactivity isn’t only physical (I’m gonna shut up now cause I think I am interpreting rather than relaying what was said)
          • Which, although I was never diagnosed, makes sense. I believe it runs in my dad’s side of the family – everyone knows about our history of forgetfulness!
        • She doesn’t think it’s anything memory related but she’s gonna follow up with my psychiatrist for next steps.

You know – I feel like I’m already having a hard time dealing, I would prefer not to have another diagnosis, but at the same time, that makes no sense, because if I have it, I have it and that’s that!

I plan to spend tomorrow, learning more about SharePoint metadata, workflow automation and alerts, then hopefully doing some testing! – I plan to figure out this CLM and SharePoint setup by the end of the week – then I can have a draft proposal for the team on Monday Jan 18!

Hey! Do you remember that always on life recorder implant thingy from Black Mirror? The episode with the man and the woman!? You know!!!! The guy and the girl!!!! (lol! I love doing that to people. I haven’t given you any more useful info but I expect you to remember – connect the dots damnit!) The guy and the girl and they lived in the house!!!!!! UGH! Stupid!

I’m gonna use five exclamation marks in place of one period from now on!!!!!



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