Life and Me!

Tue Apr 13:

I took a nap when I shoulda been lunching but I think it worked out well – Got my second set of wings at 1:30 pm and worked till 6:30 pm. Maybe instead of pushing myself I should nap at noonish – provided I don’t have any meetings and then I will have a better afternoon – A 473 ml of RB in the morning + 1.5hr nap in the afternoon = A better Sam for the rest of the day! I did nine hrs total today. Hooray!!! And in the afternoon I was working with difficult ass Excel!

Dear Microsoft Excel Spreadsheet (and Pivot Tables):

I am doing my very best to welcome you into my loving arms. I need you to do your part as well. Please stop being so annoyingly complicated - if you have a problem just tell me what it is in plain English. I don't understand Excel Developer Error Message language and I cannot read your mind. Why is that so difficult for you to accept!? Every time I have to go to strangers, begging them to translate your messages - I see all those times as missed opportunities for us to connect. We're both adults here, just tell me what you want! How was I supposed to know you weren't going to like the way I laid out the data? How was I supposed to know the format isn't conducive to the results I'd like to see?    

I take our vows seriously. Please remember that! I hope we can move on from these constant misunderstandings because I'm looking forward to spending my life with you. 

Yours Forever - xoxoxo

I can’t even tell you how many EVM spreadsheets and pivot table videos I’ve looked at in the last year. It’s crazy – You’d think Excel and I would have a better relationship by now. I’ve spend days and nights waiting in excited anticipation or crying my lungs out – I just want us to click already.

Me Journal Time …

  • Ways to break the ice with strangers:
    • I don’t know how to break ice with strangers so hopefully they’d say something to me first and I’ll try not to be weirdly awkward then I’d:
      • Smile
      • Laugh
      • Dance
      • say: (and hope that answered their question or made sense in context)
        • “Well take care of yourself.”
        • “Ok bye.”
        • “Yeah.”
        • “Interesting”
        • “Really”
    • Whenever I have to talk to people I don’t know, I get so flustered. One time our VP of Sales, caught me at Starbucks and even though I wouldn’t consider her a stranger, like I forgot what I was going to order and she was just asking me how things are going, etc. But shit … I couldn’t think. If she was talking to me at work, in the kitchen I’d be ok, (NOT in the bathroom) but she was talking to me at Starbucks – I’m totally out of my element! Let’s just keep our interactions at work. She forced me to go to holiday parties – it was soooooo stressful, but I think I am better for it now. Still … I prefer not to attend networking/work events – I just hang out with the people I know or by myself, which defeats the purpose cause I don’t meet anybody new. Our last work event, I sat at the table with Sarah and I was happy.

  • Things you wish didn’t exist:
    • Natural Disasters
    • Greedy, hateful, mean, closed/narrow-minded, short-sighted people, killer psychopaths (soon they won’t exist anymore, my AxeHammer will fix them good or kill them, either way is fine with me.)
    • Any kind of abuse
    • Borders (“Where are you from? ” – “Earth!” – “Oh my gosh SAME!” – “Let’s be friends!” – “Sweet!”)
    • Warmongers and war machines
    • Plastics
    • Religious fanatics
    • Incurable diseases and ones that jump species
    • Birth defects
    • Mosquitoes
    • Dust
    • Boogers

  • You think the world needs more:
    • Superheros
    • Compassion
    • Empathy
    • Equality
    • Acceptance and Understanding
    • Loving Kindness
    • Creative outlets
    • Sustainable energy thingies
    • Automatic rainbow bubble blowing machines (on every corner)
    • Resources for parents and people with mental illnesses
    • Green spaces

  • Gifts you would enjoy receiving:
    • An automatic dust disappearing machine
    • A drone stun gun 9800 P w/ automatic programmable controls (to use on the boys)
    • An automatic nose-picker
    • The Ultimate Zombie Apocalypse gift set
    • A treehouse with a moat
    • UFC Fighter Fit pills
    • A Matrix Learning Machine (I’d learn every language on the planet and interstellar ones too. I’d learn to be invisible, swim and breathe underwater and become a ninja)
    • A hug from Glowbee (if she feels like it otherwise I’d just watch her do her thang!)
    • Underground bunker that could withstand anything and can hold everybody , like a 35th century Noah’s Ark ((except if you smell bad, you’re not welcome) and it comes with a transponder-porter. I can find all the people like Professor X’s cerebro machine and beam them into the bunker and we’d all be safe.)

I plan to apply to ISO /TC 324 Sharing Economy but I have to write cover letter on why I want to be volunteer participant, and how my experiences align. Wish me luck.

BTW – In case you haven’t noticed, I like automatic machine things.

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