Sat Feb 13:
The wind is difficult to contain – I love the idea of that. Do you wanna know how I know? Remember the AC me, Dee, and Sabs installed last summer? Well, there’s not much/enough insulation between all sides of the window and the AC – so I went out on the balcony and tried to stuff a towel into the crevices. I also stuffed a towel under the bottom, and I covered the top with another towel, but the breeze is still sneaking in – which I think is crazy cool! The wind will be my follow-up Japanese haiku – because it’s like you can’t help but drink it in.
I dreamt that I went to my tattoo shop and my artist didn’t work there anymore. Some guy named Matt was supposed to give me my tattoo. He had long black hair, and I thought he was cute 🙂 He drew a Buddha in a grey and white robe right on my arm, but I remember commenting on the hands and feet because they were in the wrong mudra (I think mudra only applies to hands?) for my Thursday Pang Samti pose. Before he started the tattoo, he was injecting something into my arm. At first, I thought it was a numbing agent, then I remember feeling uncertain, then I woke up.
I thought about my sister this morning, and she called me – Isn’t that funny. Anyway – she loves my hair/head and said I’d stand out even more if I coloured it red and wore hoop earrings. My mom and sister have always been more stylish than I. We said our I love yous, and before she hung up, she said, “Thanks for answering.” I laughed!
Oh – I finally changed all my passwords (another 8hrs of my life down the drain) and I also removed all my hair pics from POF. Now I have to take new pics – Did I ever tell you how much I hate taking photos – I don’t think I’m photogenic. I’m photophobic. lol. Maybe that’s a thing – if anyone tries to take a pic of you, your skin starts to burn, and if you see pic of yourself you break into a hysterical high-pitched scream, start running around in circles and hallucinating about something awful, like some Fear Factor shit.
I’m vibin’ to Black Love Mixtape playlist on Spotify! You know … I know I say this all the time, but I am very fortunate. Although I’ve lived in public housing, it wasn’t the worst and I don’t know how I never got into irreversible shit but I didn’t. I know this is going to sound corny but I believe God/Jesus is watching over me. (I still pray and I’m still confused so sometimes I will say “The Universe,” and I think that’s why Buddhism appeals to me. OR maybe it’s because I find church folks to be hypocrites – not all).
I’ve never had to work multiple jobs to make ends meet. My dad worked for NYT so we always had great medical/dental coverage. I never had to worry about the basics, growing up. My mom had her issues, but at least I had one parent, my dad, that was a stabilizing force in my life. He was always there, and even when I got myself into stupid, idiotic, effed up shit – it was never anything I couldn’t walk away from. I don’t think I believe in God like how regular church people do, but in looking back on my life, someone was watching out for me. Always.
I know there’s lots of people who don’t have anyone checking for them, so maybe I was just lucky – but I don’t think so. I believe that there’s more than just us and life and death! I just feel grateful right now! (Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol!) Ugh! Why you gotta spoil shit. BTW – while I was changing my passwords I found my last WordPress site – I thought it died. I only have a few posts there, gonna see if I can merge them or just copy it over. Another project for me. If I can’t then I will just reference them on my main sight.
palmsupward.com 
Leave a Reply