Stuff’s On My Mind

🎶 What a friend we have in Jesus. All our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer. 🎶 I’m not sure what it is with me and church music, but they keep popping into my head. As you know, Dad’s an atheist who studies theology as a hobby. (that’s how I see him, I don’t know if he sees himself that way).

Since my last four-hour conversation with dad, I’ve been thinking. Not that we’ve never had those talks before but maybe now, although scary, I am willing to accept. I’m at a point where I don’t know what I believe, but irrespective of that, I can still be a righteous Humanbean! Decent, ethical, upstanding. Playful, annoying, kind and loving. Right!

Part of my nighttime relaxation routine. Worlds of Wonder: A Colouring Book for the Curious by Johanna Basford

BTW. I have another group of people to add to my Wallop List – Women taking selfies in the LaFit change room even though there are several signs telling them not to! Can you take a selfie without arms? We’ll find out! I break rules all the time, but this rule makes sense to me because people are walking about naked. Depending on when you hit that button they could end up in the frame. I don’t think anyone would post it, but still.

Of course, they could always learn to manipulate the phone with their toes but be mindful cause if I catch you taking a selfie in the change room, you’ll lose your legs. AND PERFECT – I feel like torsos don’t need exercise and if they do, there’s no risk of them taking selfies in the change room. BUT IF THERE IS … I’ll just have to perform vivisection. That’ll learn ya!

Sam’s Wallop List:

  • Litterers
  • Lazies
  • Selfie-ers
  • People who stop in the middle of high traffic subway station stairs to check their phones.
Dear Personal Jesus:

It's been a while! Haven't heard from you but I hope you're alright. I know I've asked for several things in the past, a Rolls Royce Phantom w/ Driver, real wings when I drink Red Bull, etc. I'm willing to overlook all the things you didn't give me in the past if you let me get away with crimes in the future. You know, arson, assault, murder, burglary, money laundering, etc. Deal!

BTW - I know people say you work in mysterious ways. I think that's because there's no rhyme or reason to your ways. Making them impossible to understand logically. I would like to understand ... I'd like to put on my critical thinking cap and have a conversation with you. I mean, you gave me the ability to think critically right; why shouldn't I be able to apply that skill to you?

Are you there? 

Love,
Sam

Do you think the killers who never get caught prayed beforehand, “Lord, please give me the wisdom to make this a successful kill. Guide my hands as you would a surgeon performing life-saving surgery. Give me the courage oh Lord, to enter homes without trepidation. The ability to park my car anywhere without citation. Obfuscate me from neighbours and other potential witnesses. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

I feel … if people can pray for good stuff, they can also pray for bad. There’s nothing stopping bad people from doing bad things, it happens all the time. That’s fine, you don’t have to agree with me, but there are lots of unsolved crimes out there, and we do horrible things to each other, sometimes in His name.

🎶 He ran around. Late at night. Holding hands. Making light, of everything that came before. There she was, behind the door. Stars did fall. Thunder rolled. Bugs crawled back in their holes. The couple screamed, but it was far too late. Her jealous heart did retaliate. 🎶   

Ten Cent Pistol – The Black Keys

If this life is all I get, and I’m here by chance, I’m alright with that.

While here, I will continue to use my SuperPowers to make people laugh and think. I will question everything, love unconditionally, forgive trespasses, work to remove my biases, take care of the planet, cherish life, my family, few friends and co-workers. Supply unlimited hugs and kisses, sometimes inappropriately. But that’s ok cause I gots me a Get Away With Crimes pass from God himself yo! You’d better be good for it God!

(Hmmm – I probably shouldn’t take any chances, since all the other stuff I prayed for didn’t come to pass.)

Sam

🎶 Have you ever, ever, ever, in your long-legged life seen a long-legged sailor with a long-legged wife? No, I never, never, never 🎶

Fri Apr 08, 2022

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