Yo! I’m so tired of seeing mirror selfies! WTF! You ain’t got nobody who can take your picture!?
In addition to that, the latest trend is the pillow selfie! I don’t want to see you lying in bed or on a couch with a pillow under your head yo. The pillow selfie does nothing for me – it’s like seeing dude in a recliner. It just makes me think you’re lazy and tired and there’s nothing sexy about that! (it may not be true but it’s the first thing that comes to mind.)
Good Lord Jesus Christ!
I asked Jesus to review a few profiles with me. Everyone he picked, I was like, ewwww. “What the fuck, Jesus. I thought you knew me!”
“I can see beyond the external package.”
“Fuck that! You’re not the one who’s gonna be having sex with ’em.”
My sister wants to make me over …
I don’t want to change you!
Those were her exact words
… Just enhance you a little bit!
Accentuate the tattoos and the fro!
… Put you in a nice dress!
I sent her what few dating pics I have, and I realized, I have none where I’m dressed up – And I look sexy AF when I’m dressed up! Also, in most of my pics, I’m sitting, but I’m energetic AF – Me sitting is equivalent to the pillow selfie as far as I am concerned.
I wonder if I could dress as an amusement park to get my personality across. I could put a Ferris wheel on my head, and roller coaster tracks around my body?
Soooo over the next few weeks, I’m gonna get Matt to take pics of me, and my sister will help me show my personality through my clothing – for example, I love patterns/textures and bold colours, but pretty much everything I own is black. I am not boring! Occasionally, I will pair my all-black with colourful shoes, but I want to go beyond that.
I feel like the
You’d never tell from my current clothes
bohemian, artsy
playful, sophisticated
sexy type
Anynow! I recently expanded my age range and have been texting with a few guys who are in their 40s – they’re annoying and stupid! In the world of online dating, so far, I’ve been presented with two options:
- The Under 50s: Simple-minded, immature, clueless, fuckin’ idiots who think of older women as sugar mammas, actual mammas (I ain’t tryna cook for you muthafucka!) or cougars
- The Over 50s: OMG! You have no idea how hard I work during the week. I wanna stay home and do nothing on the weekends. Hopefully, death will come soon and put me out of my misery.
Ugh! FMPL! I’m looking to fuck with somebody for the long term, not just anybody – I don’t understand how this is difficult to comprehend. In spite of all that, I believe my guy is out there.
Tue Feb 20
Photos by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash
© 2024 Samantha Williams. All Rights Reserved.
