RainbowFire - Journal Entries

Life and Meh – Q2ish

Sun May 30:

I am gathering up all my old journals just looking through them for poems and stuff. I told you about my journal from 1990 ish – I was 16 or somewhere thereabouts and Sharon would have been 19 or something. We wrote in the same book, kinda like we left messages for each other. Cool right! I lost a lot of my other journals though and part of the problem was, then, like now, I just grab a piece of paper and start writing – like I was possessed or something. lol. AND I moved around a lot.

I don’t think I was writing any poems back then – at least I haven’t found any so far. You’ll be pleased to know that even back then I hated Mondays and “shit” was my favourite word. We didn’t know anything about mental health, at least I don’t recall being aware back then. I talk about being depressed and sad a lot but then I am insanely optimistic. I don’t even remember where I was living but in all of the chaos, I was still working and going to school – as much as you could work and go to school when everything else in your life is unstable.

Sometimes I wonder if my life is worth living. Sometimes I just wish I could start all over again. But then things always start to look up again … Went back to my mother’s house and ordered pizza then my brother and I stayed up late and talked about our problems.

Journal Entry – Fri Feb 9, 1990

I am happy that I am still here and I don’t question the worthiness of my life anymore 🙂 … Aside from the introspective entries, pretty much everything else is about boys and partying. lol. The clubs we went to didn’t ask for ID. I have a picture somewhere of Sharon and I back then – I’ll post it as soon as I refind it.

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