RainbowFire - Journal Entries

Life and Meh – Q2ish

Mon May 3:

To everyone in India – I hope things turn around – I hope that doesn’t sound shallow and meaningless. 

Through an article from our CTO via Sales Director, I found an app called Curatio … the interface is friendly and modern and clean and this virtual lady named HamJam, I think, helps you get set up – I haven’t found a group for myself yet. I asked HamJam if they have groups for people who are bipolar with borderline personality disorder a dash of OCD, occasional substance abuse and suspected ADHD. She responded …

“You have too many issues. Please delete this app then find someplace quiet to die. Goodbye!” She didn’t say that, but if she did it would be funny. I wonder if she actually said that to me if I would laugh in the moment. 

🎶 Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me. Twice on the pipe, if the answer is noooooo. Oh my baby. Four knocks twice means you’ll meet me in the hallway. Twice on the pipe if you ain’t gonna show. 🎶 This song was written before we harnessed the power of homing pigeons to send messages. But I think this song is about an affair cause if I live downstairs from you, why can’t I just stop by and why are we meeting in the hallway? I can’t remember the whole song though, I’d have to listen to it again or look it up.

Our CFO is sick – 🤗🤗🤗💐💐💐 I hope he gets better soon. I sent him well wishes via text. I’d like us to send him a plant or flowers with a teddy bear or some other stuffed animal – maybe even a stuffed calculator or a stuffed abacus with a note that says, “Stop being lazy and get back to work!” (the stop being lazy part is from my boss – lol. We kinda have the same twisted sense of humour).

I have a horrible habit of writing things on the nearest piece of paper/Post-it and I always tell myself to open OneNote – but because I write faster than I type, I always feel I have to rush when talking to someone. But I can easily say – “one sec while I type that down.” So I waste a tonne of time reviewing my scribbles, transcribing and garbaging. Well … maybe not a tonne of time, but enough time for it to bother me. I had notes on the back of the boys’ dental receipts, notes on pieces of paper with other notes and notes on my blood work requisition – that, obviously, I haven’t done yet. At least my desk is mostly clean of papers and everything is neatly tucked away in OneNote or MyTasks or Asana as follow-up items. I have a mini-project section in OneNote for all the stuff I am learning and internal things I am doing. There’s the:

  • Reorg of SharePoint
  • CEO Dashboard
  • Portfolio/Product Roadmap stuff (my primary objective is to have a three tier roadmap that my boss has been talking about since I started)
  • OKR stuff (mainly improvements and maintenance)
  • PM Process updates and improvements (based on PMBOK 7 and ISO standards)

Today was a productive workday – I wasn’t stuck in my head or otherwise. I’m starting to think my ideal work hours are from 4 or 5 am to 1 or 2 pm – It seems that it doesn’t matter how much sleep I get, or how much Red Bull I drink, by late morning, early afternoon I am hella sleepy and as the hours roll by it becomes increasingly difficult for me to fight it off and focus. This morning I woke up at 2 am but I didn’t start work till 4 am. AND I remembered not to send any emails before 9 am or 7 am for my European team members. Maybe I should move to France or Belarus. (FYI: I always want to put an “e” on Belaruse). European men are supposed to be romantic – maybe I’ll get lucky.

I’m feeling like I should start my therapy sessions again. Just to keep myself grounded in reality and to stop me from bouncing off the walls or melting into the floor. Talking to my psychiatrist a few times a year isn’t cutting it. I think I will go back to the place I was at before the pandemic. I know that Prozac helps with the intensity of my moods but I hate how I am so tired all the time and I can’t write as easily. But I came up with an idea today – I will not expect to get a whole poem out of my head and I will work on developing my poems just like how I would work on anything else, except my microburst – those usually come to me immediately and don’t seem to be affected by my pills – maybe I just can’t rhyme correctly/effectively – Prozac is affecting my hipporhymus. lol.

Yesterday Matt announced he was making brownies – I asked him to make without egg and he did 🙂 It came out weird, kinda like it was undercooked but it tasted good. Everyone liked it. Today Dee made curried chickpeas 🙂

Pip! Pip!

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