RainbowFire - Journal Entries

Life and Meh – Q2ish

Sun Jun 13:

Deciding not to worry about bugs and such – I sat on my balcony enjoying the sounds of human and nature and feeling fortunate while trying to ignore the urge to go back inside. I heard the birds and the highway noise with the occasional motorbike breaking the tranquility – ugh!. I inhaled the fresh air, watched a lone dandelion seed on its way to who knows where. Then I saw a bark bug (I don’t know if that’s what they’re called but they look like tree bark) and a stupid fly was buzzing about my head. BTW – I think my next door neighbours are about to have a baby – There are stacks of Huggies and a playpen on their balcony. I love babies. And the whole time I was outside Patsy Cline’s Strange was playing on and off in my head. ๐ŸŽถ How strange. ๐ŸŽถ You already know that Patsy reminds me of my mom, I think I told you, but did you also know that Gladys Knight does too? So does Michael Bolton and Charley Pride and Curtis Mayfield and …

This morning I opened my eyes at 1:47 am and swore that I missed Father’s Day – I know I talk bad about my mom and always say good stuff about my dad but he was very critical. In my old age ๐Ÿ™‚ , I wonder if he wanted a boy – if my memory is correct, he didn’t want me playing with dolls. Math and science were more important to him than art. I remember one time I drew a giant and my scale was off so some parts of his body didn’t make it onto the page – I was proud of my work, until I showed it to him. He saw everything that was wrong. So I never drew again, until now ๐Ÿ™‚ And funny enough, recently I found out that it is better for your art to go off the page than it is to try to scale down certain parts to make it fit, because that throws off the proportions and can make your work look weird. I believe that learning triggered that memory and plus it is close to Father’s Day so I’ve been reflecting.

Our parents aren’t infallible (inflatable I said at first – lol), but we don’t recognize that as children. Maybe we should? Or maybe it is good that we don’t? Well … I think it needs to be said. “I forgive you, Mom, Dad. I don’t hold anything against you. Everything I’ve experienced has led me to where I am and I love where I am! My introspective self will always reflect, not to place blame but to learn more about me.” ๐Ÿ™‚ BTW – I think my other next door neighbour, the vampire, is sneaking into my unit and stealing my fish. Why? because two of my fish have disappeared. I can’t find them anywhere;dead or alive. What would a vampire need my fish for? Experiments!? Perhaps he doesn’t want to be a vampire anymore. DJ better not disappear. Maybe there is a portal to an alternate universe in my fish tank? Maybe those fish were never fish in the first place – they were time traveling fairy fish godmothers and they stayed long enough to make sure I was a fantastic fish keeper – after all, I did put my fish before sex with a stranger.

My old BesideBook (that is black) next to my new BesideBook (that is red) on top of my repurposed LogBook. Why do B&W photos automatically make you feel artsy? In case you are wondering-that glass contains a Chambord Spritzer. I feel … sophisticated ๐Ÿ™‚

You know – I got my now LogBook years ago – it just spoke to me because I felt like, being CONTRACTED cannot be REFRESHING and I am anything but FASHION FORWARD – I am FASHION SHYWARD | FASHION SIDEWARD | FASHION SQUIDWARD lmao. I can hear Andrรฉ telling me my joke isn’t funny. Shut up!!! Why do I spell words wrong? Did you know that memories start to form 20 weeks after conception? Do you have memories of being in the womb? I think we forget anything we knew because being born is so Traumatic. Our first brush with the big T. “Welcome to the World you bitch ass mofo! ” That’s what Trauma says. lol.

Did you know that Andrรฉ wants to get his own place when he is 20? (hip hip – lol. What’s an additional two years right?) I’ve been reading everything because it will expand my vision and contribute to my arting (which includes drawing and writing.) I watched Coraline and felt I’d like to create dolls or even try to create my own stop-mation – I love clay and puppet motion movies. Wallace and Gromit everything , The Nightmare Before Christmas (~ 1993), Mary and Max (20??). Harvie Krumpet (????) I haven’t looked into that kind of animation yet though. Could you imagine me claymationing my microburst? That thought makes me smile and giggle! (am I hungry?). In addition to finishing my poem – I feel the need to to draw a California Condor as my watchbird on my nightstand ๐Ÿ™‚ Cool right!

Because of my conversation last Friday with someone from work, I am wondering if I am doing the right things at work. I didn’t want to tell you because I figured if I didn’t talk about it, then the feeling/thoughts leading to this season of uncertainty would go away. But two days later and it’s still here. Why can’t I reassure myself? Suppose I am doing work that won’t contribute to my career aspirations in the future? I am/was pretty sure I knew what those were before Friday – I want to cry! Ugh! See! I shouldn’t have said anything!

Boo-hoo! Let’s move on! I’m thinking to buy a burger press and make my own vegan burgers. Maybe get a meat grinder – if I can grind veggies in the same way or maybe a food processor would be better. Right now I have no idea – In case you haven’t noticed, sometimes I use you as a soundboard -hehe. I’m thinking about this because I had a Kale Veggie Burger from dr.Praeger’s and it was sooooo yummy.

Andrรฉ has this annoying habit – he doesn’t put his food in the fridge. Last week he made some meatball and mixed vegetable concoction. I woke up early one morning and found it on the counter so I put it in the fridge. Then he left it out again, and again. I think it should go in the garbage now; it’s been about seven days since he cooked and the foods been on the counter or dining table more than it’s been in the fridge but he plans to eat it. smh. And he doesn’t like when anyone puts his food in the fridge because he likes to eat stuff at room temp. Apparently, he has issues with warming his food in the microwave. Says when he’s ready to eat he just wants to eat. wth! Did I miss something? How long does it take to warm up your food in the microwave? That Boy! It is still on the dining table – today is likely day eight or nine – I told him to throw it out but he insists on eating it. Can you die from food poisoning?

Then … The Other Boy, Matt. He’s sometimes responsible but lately when he does the laundry, he just leaves his stuff in the bag for days, weeks sometimes; it will just sit there. I finally had it and put the bag in his face while he was watching TV and told him to put his stuff away. The next day … the bag is sitting in the corner of the living room – he just moved it. I waited to see how long it would sit there. Two days later, I put the bag in his gaming room. It’s a large noisy blue Ikea bag. Later that day, I heard when he picked up the bag and dropped it in his bedroom …

“Please put your clothes away.” I yell from the living room.

“Why!” He yells back annoyed. I could hear the contempt in his voice.

Hoping to sound cool, calm and collected, I said, “Why not! This is nothing new. After you do your laundry, you put your clothes away.”

Then I heard a whole lotta huffing and puffing and slamming and shoving but I didn’t say anything. I’ve learned to pick my fights and at least the bag isn’t laying about anymore …

Until next time.

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