RainbowFire - Journal Entries

Life and Meh – Q2ish

Mon May 24:

It’s Monday and I am wishing it was Friday.

I had a strange dream and woke up sad and confused … I got into a massive argument with my boss in front of everyone in the company and I quit my job. I can’t remember what the disagreement was about but I was laying in my bed trying to figure out what it all meant then I realized, my boss wasn’t my current boss, but an old douchey one who will remain nameless, because I can’t remember his name (jk). After I realized I was replaying something old, for reasons unknown I felt better. I don’t plan to quit my current job, unless my boss, current or future turns into a douche – Then I’m out!

My life as a self-doubter … I am always second-guessing my abilities. I am always feeling like I don’t know enough. I am always sometimes feeling out of place. Misunderstood. I feel like I can adapt and fit into anywhere but that doesn’t mean I feel like I belong you know. I feel like I belong at my current job but my dream upset my stomach and I felt pukey. I am afraid that as we hire and the organization changes I may end up feeling like I don’t belong. I’ve always prided myself as a change adept individual but it seems there are situations I’d prefer if they did not change.

And why am I even thinking about this shit – I had that dream hours ago, and I cannot control change and every organization is meant to grow. I feel like I’m an agreeable person. I can get along with anyone – except our CA (jk – Andrew I love you 🙂 I wonder if he’d appreciate a hug after COVID?). I think I hug people inappropriately. One day someone will punch me in my gut – but by then I’ll have my 12 pack so I’ll be unaffected and I will hug them anyway, even if I have to chase them and tackle them to the ground to do it. And subsequently get arrested for assault. I’ll attempt to hug the police before they put the cuffs on. A hug chaser to go with a handshake, or any other introduction.

Non-productive Monday. Good thing it’s a holiday but I didn’t draw. I attempted to write – I feel stuck. Like I’m in quickmud up to my neck. Soon to suffocate. I didn’t even work on Blimey I will try again before going to bed – something worth posting may materialize.

Wish me luck! (Actually, I may just end up back in bed or I will eat even though I am not hungry, then go back to bed – smh)

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