RainbowFire - Journal Entries

Life and Meh – Q2ish

Sat Jun 5:

I would like to have the kind of love affair that Ed and Lorraine Warren had, sans the demonic possessions and curses and exorcisms. I took a break to watch The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021). I think my quadrille will be about love. Today I am a hopeful romantic 🙂 My brain is in pivot table mode – I know it sounds boring but it’s exciting. If I could speak to you in formulas I would.

Window of Tolerance from my Therapist

I wonder sometimes if I inadvertently taught my children not to ask for help – I might have. I might have taught them too that they can only rely on themselves because people let you down. But … where did I get that from and how do you pass things on without even knowing it.

Do you drink yourself under the table or on top of the table – maybe you drink yourself on top of the bar, maybe the car. I feel like if you drink yourself under stuff then alcohol acts as a depressant but if you drink yourself on top of stuff then it is a stimulant (that’s the opposite right?). I don’t know if that’s what the saying means but that’s the meaning I’m giving it.

Well – Back to work! Too bad I cannot drink myself into a quicker understanding of Excel – so powerful, so complicated, so anfractuous (that was my June 1 word of the day) – but I love you still. Can you throw around the word love too much? Is love only reserved for special people/things? I don’t think so; love cannot lose its depth of meaning no matter how much it gets tossed about – can it? I use love with carefree abandon. among other things, I love my children and my coworkers and myself and my life and writing and movies and flowers and koalas and lions and pigs and bats that scare the crap out of me. Love is like food; like water; like a hug – you will always need it, even if you don’t realize it.

To be clear, I’m not talking about a hug from a guy who smells like stale urine, with decades old cigarette smoke infused into his clothing and partially dried vomit stains on his face. Not that! I am talking about a hug from a butterfly (A Glowbee Hug). Who doesn’t want Glowbee butterfly hugs? I’m sure the smelly guy needs a hug too, but he won’t be getting it from me. Ok. enough of that. Whatever that is! My point is … there are words you cannot overuse.

Good night smelly guy – take a couple of showers and I’ll be happy to hug you!

Ok. Back to work for real this time.

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