RainbowFire - Journal Entries

Life and Meh – Q2ish

Sun Jun 27:

🎶 I’ve fallen out of favor and I’ve fallen from grace. I’ve fallen out of trees and I’ve fallen on my face. Sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release. Wish for falling through the air to give me some relief. Cause falling’s not the problem, when I’m falling I’m at peace. It’s only when I hit the ground that causes all the grief. 🎶 I love every single song on Lungs by Florence + the Machine (Dee introduced me to them)

This morning I was out of bed at 5:00 am working on my poem but after an hour I went back to bed! I didn’t start my props until about noon. Today I learned that if you are going to trace something you have to start with a high-quality photograph. With that said. I had to restart my watchbird pic. I finished my drawing yesterday but Dee said I needed to put more details on the bird but I couldn’t because of the image I started with – well, I tried to wing it (lmao) but it didn’t work so I had to find a better photo.

Tracing the bird made me feel close to it – is that crazy? The beauty and the details in the feathers became part of me – I felt connected. It’s good to sweat the details mosttimes. (why can’t I combine most times if I can combine some times! ugh! Leave me alone autocorrect!) It is also good to know when not to, sweat the details – which I have trouble with sometimes 🙂

You know … a lot of times parents get blamed for shit that they shouldn’t be blamed for. I have three children. I don’t know who the boys will turn out to be but I feel like two outta three ain’t bad. It may end up being one out of three; I can also live with that. Speaking to all the responsible parents who aren’t abusing their children or with a spouse who is abusing their children, and where there aren’t any major dysfunctions in the family …

Parent’s if you know you’ve done the best job you could and got the support for your children and yourself as needed. Choose not to feel responsible for how your children turn out.

Sam Said
Dear Future Partner of My Son (pick one):

I tried my best to raise a well adjusted, upstanding, authentic, self-aware individual. I've provided the resources he needed to work through his psychiatric, psychotherapeutic shit. As we approach the end of FY Q2 2021, I am not certain how he will turn out. You could potentially end up with a great-man or a baby-man. 

At this point, it's a toss up and I am on the fence. I hope for your sake, you don't get to see the mal-adjusted fuckhead that I have to deal with. There's still a few years left for me to instill a stellar work ethic, with high levels of accountability, compassion, empathy and resilience. But I cannot guarantee anything!

If he doesn't turn out to be who you're looking for, don't try to change him, put all that effort into yourself and move on. I mean ... if you're into rescuing man-babies, by all means, go ahead and try but I wouldn't recommend it. 

Sincerely!  

The Boy's Mother
It’s a bit difficult to get him to stand on his own – might need sticky tack if I have trouble

Yeah! The other day I thought it would be a great idea for me to have a brine shrimp hatchery cause my fish absolutely LOVE the freeze dried ones and I imagined throwing them in the tank as live food but OMFG it is not easy raising those tiny bastards. I gave up on the idea – I’ll stick to the freeze dried version.

This weekend, I pretty much took over the entire living/dining area. I’m gonna store my stuff and tidy up. I made a wire armature but I still have to finish it and my set – I started painting the base but I have to put up the gate and fence and make a bunch of other stuff – Next weekend is a long weekend – I think …. hmmm Canada day falls on a Thursday, not sure we will also get the Friday off – if not I will take the day and end up with a four day weekend – I’m excited.

🎶 It’s almost Monday! It’s almost Monday! The most very fun day! Fun day! I’m not gonna run away. Run away. From Monday. Monday!🎶 (I guess I can’t run even if I wanted to :())

I go clean up and eat vegan cake – I think I got fatter – ugh!

I am proud of me today!

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