RainbowFire - Journal Entries

Life and Meh – Q2ish

Thu Jun 3:

Matt’s taking well to his drama class. It’s nice to see. Reminds me of when he was in elementary school and participated in pretty much every play – he was really good at remembering his lines. It’s time to turn on the AC – I haven’t played AC in ages – if my villagers were relying on me for food and water they’d all be dead – I feel like maybe AC served its purpose in my life, so now I don’t need it anymore. You know that thing they say about people in your life being seasons or something, well I think games might be like that too.

Guess who I got to see today? No! it wasn’t the muffin man. You know I don’t like him … IT WAS GLOWBEE! I woke up this morning wondering if I’d get to see her today and I did. Isn’t that amazing. She introduced me to her dad. “Dada” she said pointing to my boss. And I watched her eat cheese with a fork and sometimes she tried using the otherside of the fork to pick up her cheese – Glowbee’s experimenting! You may be onto something, I’m with ya. I got to see Victoria too – she thought I was in a fancy loft but it was only my virtual background.

My vaccinated arm still hurts but I didn’t get that post 24hr sickness that some folks experience – I thought about it but I didn’t worry. It didn’t consume me. 🎶 I don’t want anybody else. When I think about you I cut myself 🎶 – lol. that’s not how the actual song goes. Sometimes I forget that I can ask for help – well I don’t think I forget, in some cases it doesn’t even occur to me and maybe part of me doesn’t want to. My boss told me to ask the dev guys for help deciphering that stupid spreadsheet. For some reason there are things I feel the need to figure out for myself – I don’t know why – Other times I can/do ask for help but that is when it is blatantly clear that I cannot do it myself – like needing help from our IT guy cause I don’t have access to what I need. You know Sam, Helpers need help too. So … I’m still working on the new version of the spreadsheet but I requested assistance from our CA. Maybe conversations over Excel and green tea (ocha) will bring us closer together. lol.

Sometimes I crave intimate affection (not from my CA lol) and I hate that. I don’t want to need anybody for anything. Others can need me but I don’t want to need them because that makes me even more vulnerable than I already am. And sometime I miss my ex, I hate that too. I am not going to say who, but it’s not the jackass from 2000 something who always messages me – obviously. Many years ago Marlene told me there are three things you want to be certain of in a guy:

  1. Does he get you?
  2. Does he make you laugh?
  3. Is he smarter than you? (I’m not sure about this one but I think it’s right)

I think she read it somewhere or saw it in a movie. The first two are most important for me. I’m sure there’s more behind those but that’s all I remember. I don’t know too many people that have been together for 20-30-40 + years. A few parents of my few friends – that’s about it.

Good night Love 🙂 The next quadrille I’m gonna write is on curiosity. I don’t understand how I missed the post in May – but it doesn’t matter – here we are!

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