Thu Dec 02:
Sometimes I go back and correct errors I find in my journal but I feel like this is cheating – BUT at the same time when my uber great, great, great-grandchildren can read this it should make sense mostly. My boss hasn’t said it, but I am pretty sure he thinks I am retarded, cause sometimes I do shit that don’t make no sense. I cannot troubleshoot hardware anymore; my IBM days of laptop and server support are so far gone that technologically, I am functionally illiterate. I just want my shit to work.
“Hi. My name is Sam and I don’t know how to do shit.”
“Sam, we don’t welcome your kind here. Begone!”
“But I need help!”
You ever walk into a place and know you didn’t belong and nobody tried to make you feel welcome?
I get to the office and my wireless keyboard and mouse aren’t working. Ok fine: First thing that occurs to me is the batteries? I switch out the batteries and nothing. Alright. Time to take a walk to the battery store. I switch out with the brand-spankin’ new bats and it still won’t work. Boss walks in right when I’m doing my TSing – and after doing his thing, shit I didn’t think to do for whatever reason, he tells me to get a new USB receiver thingy – Easy peasy. Except … I come back with some Bluetooth 4.0 receiver shit that cost double the price and guess what – my keyboard and mice aren’t Bluetooth devices. So after he explains all this to me, I’m like,
“No worries. I’ll just buy a Bluetooth keyboard and mouse.”
“Dumbass! You don’t need this receiver because you already have a fuckin’ Bluetooth receiver in your laptop. Return it!”
Ok … he didn’t say all that but I think he was thinking it.
The four-person birthday celebration fell through and it was just me and Bossman who went for lunch n drinks. The restaurant was packed. It was wonderful to see folks out doing normal shit. I will have to wait until next week to see Jer and our CFO.
Today after work I went to Hunny Pot and got myself a vape machine with a Pure Sunfarms 95.2% THC cartridge. Sleep high!
About Tuesday, November 30:
After my physio appointment at 10:00 am, I decided I’d run across the street to the Apple store and “see” the watches. I was mainly concerned about the size – wasn’t sure if should get the 41 or 45 mm. The lady brought out both sizes in black and titanium. Sick! 45 mm titanium it is. I was sorta ready to order and wait two weeks for my watch but then she says, “If you want, you can go to Yorkdale and get it today?”
I was so excited, I yelled, “No waaaaay!!! Get the fuck outta here!” And I pushed her. Just a little too hard. Lady went flying backwards, knocked over an old man. Dude hit his head on the edge of the iPad display table. Blood was gushing like a SOB. Folks was freakin and some people was staring at me like I did something.
Seriously! The muthafucka was about dead anyway. I just dipped and headed to Yorkdale before the shock wore off and anyone tried to stop me. Yorkdale is so very different from 20 years ago. They always had a Holt Renfrew but they have so many more high-end stores and lots of cars parked all over the place. There’s even a Tesla store. On my way home, I thought to myself, “If I go home and Matt sees this watch, he’s gonna get all salty and I just don’t want to hear it.” I bought the boys socks – got home wrapped them shits up and said, “Merry Christmas. Don’t you even think about asking for anything else the rest of the year!”
Early Christmas gift. Best Mom Ever!Said me!
Epilogue: Most of this story is true – I did purchase an Apple Watch Series 7 and had to go all the way to Yorkdale to pick it up (how come they don’t say iWatch?) I am responsible for manslaughtering an old man. (I think it’s funny that “laughter” is in “manslaughter.” Homicide can be hilarious, especially when unintended.) How you gon put “laughter” in a word and expect me to take it seriously!?!?!? Common now! Soon I will not be allowed in malls across Ontario – Remember what happened at Rogers? I did include a few hundreds of dollars with the socks and bought them dinner; so thems happy and I is happy cause my Christmas shopping is done. Likely I will give Dee cash also.
I’d like to get myself a few lightweight winter coats – things that aren’t bulky, layer nicely and make me look sexilicious.
🎶 After the laughter comes tears. 🎶 Remember that!
Good night World. Good night Glowbee the Puddlejumper. Good night Marshmellow. Good night stupid guy who gave me the wrong receiver for my keyboard and mouse. Good night Beautiful (that’s everybody). Good night Rats and Rabbits and Fish and Snake. Good night Goodnight.
Leave a Reply