RainbowFire - Journal Entries


Mon Dec 06:


Yo! I told my trainer I want to start preparing for my spring marathon – I might not necessarily sign up for a marathon but I definitely want to run the distance by then (sorry if I told you this already. I can’t tell the difference between times I’ve spoken to myself and when I talk to you or others.)

Today, after finishing my 30 minutes with him he told me to do 8*30 second reps at speed seven on the treadmill and resting for 45 seconds at three speed between reps – I was able to do five reps at seven speed and the other three at 6/6.5. It was really hard to keep track I am pretty sure too that I rested longer, for about 1-1.25 minutes, between the later reps. and also I think I did an extra rep or two – just to make sure I got it covered. The first rep was the most difficult but it got easier as I continued. I reported back to my trainer when done and he is going to give me a plan; so … on my days off, I will be running ๐Ÿ™‚

All day today and yesterday, I didn’t nap. But still, last night I woke up at 3:00 am – fell asleep again after 4:00 am and woke up for work at 7:00 am. Technically, I got my six, just not all at once. Let’s see what shapes up tonight.


Organized the storage space. The Boy was supposed to help me – when he finally left his room in the evening I told him I cleaned the room all by myself, instead of saying, sorry about that or some shit, he says, “Good. Next time you won’t need to ask me for help!” (my son! lol.)

I spent 3/4 of the day with Matt – We went shopping, had an early dinner at Moxies, spend another hour or two walking around the mall while we waited for Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021) garbage to start.

Sat Dec 04:

Can you do keto while having plant based diet? My head hurts. I was fine all day then I woke up in the evening with a headache. Before today, the last time I drew was Nov 13. I am neglecting my hobbies.

My ex stopped by to visit with his family. Young children are noisy but in a different way than teenage boys. I don’t know why, but every time the boys are play fighting, Matt has to run into my room, of course Drรฉ follows then they end up touching all my shit. The other day I told Matt, “If you don’t get out right now, you won’t be waking up in the morning.”

๐ŸŽถ Loving you, is easy cause you’re beautiful. Everyday of my life is built for loving you. Loving you, I see the sun comes shining through. Do be, do be, be do. Oooooh ๐ŸŽถ Is it easy to love someone who is beautiful vs someone who is ugly? What about people who are beautiful on the outside but rotten and smelly on the inside or vice versa? I cannot love anybody who is smelly or well … maybe I can love them but I cannot spend time with them – I will send virtual hugs and kisses. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Is it also in the beholder’s nose? What if your eyes tell you one thing but your nose tells you something else?

๐ŸŽถ I love to love you bay bay ๐ŸŽถ So I went to refresh my poems but I didn’t like either one anymore. I’m gonna use the haiku format but I am gonna write about whatever the hell I want, not just nature, but I will save the senryu for human emotion stuff and extend either to a tanka when I can. I don’t know too many French poets or French poetry format types.

Good night! ๐Ÿ™‚

Fri Dec 03:

All the rats are now in the condo. Everyone seems to be getting along well.

Might I have lost an inch or two around my hips and thighs? My pants feel looser but I haven’t stepped on the scale. My trainer was telling me that inch loss and weight loss are two different things – if that tastes fishy then I might have gotten it all wrong. I am very good at playing Telephone. Or bad? For almost 23 hrs I fasted and when I went to the gym I was wondering if it was a good idea not to eat first but I got through my workout just fine. I plan to do the same thing next week – eat something wholesome when I get home from the gym, take a few tokes, brush my teeth and go to bed. Gonna start my timer again once I finish my protein shake.

Remember several months ago I said I’d write one haiku a week. Well – I am going to start tomorrow. I have two, just need to re-read and publish them. And I am still reading about my Enneagram Seven self.

๐ŸŽถ Rockabye baby, in the treetop. If you don’t go to sleep, I’ll sell you for cheap. Please shut your mouth or you’ll be swimming with the trout. And down will come cradle, mom, baby and all. ๐ŸŽถ

Thu Dec 02:

Sometimes I go back and correct errors I find in my journal but I feel like this is cheating – BUT at the same time when my uber great, great, great-grandchildren can read this it should make sense mostly. My boss hasn’t said it, but I am pretty sure he thinks I am retarded, cause sometimes I do shit that don’t make no sense. I cannot troubleshoot hardware anymore; my IBM days of laptop and server support are so far gone that technologically, I am functionally illiterate. I just want my shit to work.

“Hi. My name is Sam and I don’t know how to do shit.”

“Sam, we don’t welcome your kind here. Begone!”

“But I need help!”

You ever walk into a place and know you didn’t belong and nobody tried to make you feel welcome?

I get to the office and my wireless keyboard and mouse aren’t working. Ok fine: First thing that occurs to me is the batteries? I switch out the batteries and nothing. Alright. Time to take a walk to the battery store. I switch out with the brand-spankin’ new bats and it still won’t work. Boss walks in right when I’m doing my TSing – and after doing his thing, shit I didn’t think to do for whatever reason, he tells me to get a new USB receiver thingy – Easy peasy. Except … I come back with some Bluetooth 4.0 receiver shit that cost double the price and guess what – my keyboard and mice aren’t Bluetooth devices. So after he explains all this to me, I’m like,

“No worries. I’ll just buy a Bluetooth keyboard and mouse.”

“Dumbass! You don’t need this receiver because you already have a fuckin’ Bluetooth receiver in your laptop. Return it!”


Ok … he didn’t say all that but I think he was thinking it.

The four-person birthday celebration fell through and it was just me and Bossman who went for lunch n drinks. The restaurant was packed. It was wonderful to see folks out doing normal shit. I will have to wait until next week to see Jer and our CFO.

Today after work I went to Hunny Pot and got myself a vape machine with a Pure Sunfarms 95.2% THC cartridge. Sleep high!

About Tuesday, November 30:

After my physio appointment at 10:00 am, I decided I’d run across the street to the Apple store and “see” the watches. I was mainly concerned about the size – wasn’t sure if should get the 41 or 45 mm. The lady brought out both sizes in black and titanium. Sick! 45 mm titanium it is. I was sorta ready to order and wait two weeks for my watch but then she says, “If you want, you can go to Yorkdale and get it today?”

I was so excited, I yelled, “No waaaaay!!! Get the fuck outta here!” And I pushed her. Just a little too hard. Lady went flying backwards, knocked over an old man. Dude hit his head on the edge of the iPad display table. Blood was gushing like a SOB. Folks was freakin and some people was staring at me like I did something.

Seriously! The muthafucka was about dead anyway. I just dipped and headed to Yorkdale before the shock wore off and anyone tried to stop me. Yorkdale is so very different from 20 years ago. They always had a Holt Renfrew but they have so many more high-end stores and lots of cars parked all over the place. There’s even a Tesla store. On my way home, I thought to myself, “If I go home and Matt sees this watch, he’s gonna get all salty and I just don’t want to hear it.” I bought the boys socks – got home wrapped them shits up and said, “Merry Christmas. Don’t you even think about asking for anything else the rest of the year!”

Early Christmas gift. Best Mom Ever!

Said me!

Epilogue: Most of this story is true – I did purchase an Apple Watch Series 7 and had to go all the way to Yorkdale to pick it up (how come they don’t say iWatch?) I am responsible for manslaughtering an old man. (I think it’s funny that “laughter” is in “manslaughter.” Homicide can be hilarious, especially when unintended.) How you gon put “laughter” in a word and expect me to take it seriously!?!?!? Common now! Soon I will not be allowed in malls across Ontario – Remember what happened at Rogers? I did include a few hundreds of dollars with the socks and bought them dinner; so thems happy and I is happy cause my Christmas shopping is done. Likely I will give Dee cash also.

I’d like to get myself a few lightweight winter coats – things that aren’t bulky, layer nicely and make me look sexilicious.

๐ŸŽถ After the laughter comes tears. ๐ŸŽถ Remember that!

Good night World. Good night Glowbee the Puddlejumper. Good night Marshmellow. Good night stupid guy who gave me the wrong receiver for my keyboard and mouse. Good night Beautiful (that’s everybody). Good night Rats and Rabbits and Fish and Snake. Good night Goodnight.

Wed Dec 01:

I moved the red JBL speaker that I got from Dee last Christmas to my bedside table – Fuck a snooze button!!! I wonder if I could turn on my speaker remotely?

On another note – I went on an unintended adventure Tue and Wed afternoon. I will tell you about all o that tomorro cause it’s already 9:40 pm and The Boy is annoying me – kinda like how I annoy him and it’s annoying.

Tomorro is my boss’ bday and I get to see our CFO in person too. ๐ŸŽถ It’s a party, let’s get it on tonight ๐ŸŽถ

Mon Nov 29:

It’s great that I am gaining muscle but I’d like to lose some weight also. Soon I’ll look like a sumo wrestler (ok I’m exaggerating a lot but still). I told the boys they can’t be up mad late doing noisy shit anymore – I’m still struggling to get six hours a night but I need it now more than ever. I will try intermittent fasting again but I want to make sure I am fueling my body right. BTW – this food measuring thing isn’t so bad – I’m getting used to it. And when my workouts are mad hard – I look forward to the sauna, drinking my spinach smoothie when I get home and fantasizing about the sexy-er badass I’m about to become. It gets me through …

๐ŸŽถ I try to entertain you the best I can. I wish I’d started walking before I ran. And I still love the feeling I get from you. I hope you’ll never stop cause, it gets me through yeah. da da da da da. It gets me through yeah. ๐ŸŽถ

I like watching that Discovery show on the tow guys who have to clean up the highways, I think it’s called Heavy Rescue 401 – I wanna be a boom operator. And BTW – how come when adults had to get their COVID vaccine they didn’t have fun puppets and mascots out for us? No fair!

I’m really not feeling Christmas this year – I think I am just going to give the boys money early and call it George. (I don’t know who George is, but that’s a saying.) That will remove the gift-buying stress – I don’t need it. It’s easy to shop for young kids – toys. toys. toys. Then clothes. clothes. clothes. Then wtf idk. wtf idk. wtf idk. fml.

Yo! The Boy bought pizza today and he tried to hide it from me so I wouldn’t get tempted – and I was for a little bit but I had my smoothie and my Chex cereal w/ almond milk. He asked me if I have any cheat days. “I can’t do cheat days brah!” Next thing you know, every day is a cheat day and then I’m fucked. Again! Last Thursday my boss brought Timbits into the office and I didn’t have a single one! I can do this!!!

Who wants to get fucked by food? Some do! Some do!

Sun Nov 28:

I woke up to snowdust then it just kept snowing and snowing and snowing. Oh yeah, I need snowshoes that I can wear with jogging pants etc. Maybe need is a bit strong. I am better at screening myself prior to making purchases. I would like a pair of Vans winter boots. I will always and forever support Vans; I love what they stand for. Off the wall!

It’s the holiday season already! Can you believe it? This year went by quickly for me. Today I cleaned the fridge and cupboards – did some kitchen reorg. Trying to make it easier for to (not a mistake) plan my meals and grab what I need when I need it, instead of grabbing my phone and placing an order. I am realizing how twisted my concept of portions was. No wonder I’m fat AF. Well, actually, I don’t know how fat Fuck is so forget I said that. I realize also that I do a lot of mindless munching but now that I have to measure everything, I can’t just throw some sunflower or pumpkin seeds in my mouth and walk away.

I’m officially over my Asian food crazy – that lasted a few years. Likely because it is hard to find tasty vegan options – I had veggie dumplings from this one place a few months back, they were just ok. Definitely not as flavourful as the pork ones. Can you all put some effort into your vegan options plz? You can’t just slap vegetables in where meat used to be and expect me to fall in love. Next time I am in NYC I have to go to that vegan restaurant I found; the five-star one that made a complete switch. I can’t remember the name but they are in my Want to Go list in Google Maps. I am even over vegan kimchi.

I bought karela – my mom used to force me to eat that along with beef liver as a kid – not at the same time. Part of me remembers how to prepare it but I’m looking for a recipe. The lady who shopped for my groceries from Organic Garden was really sweet – AND I didn’t go over my food budget, including the tip. You proud a me? It don’t matta. I’m proud a me!

I had a sex dream – I can’t remember it very well. I’d like for my alarm to know not to interrupt me when I am sex dreaming.

Now that I am getting comfortable with PBI, I will get back to my Python course and arting – balance is foreign to me, it’s hard for me to say, “I will spend an hour on this then an hour on that.” Because often I can get on a roll and when I am on a roll that is the worst time to stop just cause I said I would only spend x amount of time on something. ๐ŸŽถI can’t stop. You can’t stop me. So bitch don’t try. We true soldiers, we don’t die. We keep rollin’, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ๐ŸŽถ This week I am going to try pulling data in from Confluence and Asana and Hubspot – Well Hubspot is first priority.

I had a cauliflower burger w/ kale, keenwah and butternut squash for lunch. I still have 232 calories remaining, 22 g of protein, 42g of carbs and 5g of fat.

I’m ready to complete my full left-hand sleeve with more sacred geometry symbols, Buddhist mantras, flowers and blending to bring it all together. I wanna have it ready for summer 2022.

Soldier on!

Sat Nov 27:

Looks like I’m shaping up to be Apple’s bitch … the Pixel 3 is too old. I can’t go back and I am not buying a new phone in 2022.

I didn’t have breakfast today, which isn’t good I know. But – I tracked everything I ate ๐Ÿ™‚ I had a beyond meat and a mushroom risotto veggie burger from Dr Praegers along with Amy’s organic split peas soup and some mixed veggies. For snack, I had walnuts and Chex rice cereal w/ almond milk. AND I still have 415 calories remaining ๐Ÿ™‚ – 56 g of carbs, 21 g of fat and 9 g of protein. I updated the macronutrients based on my meal plan. A few times I forgot to measure my food but it only happened with the cereal and walnuts so it was easy to remedy.

The new and improved PBI dash is coming along – I have a few charts and a nice background – looking good, looking good. But how I did some of the calculations in Excel via pivot tables, they don’t seem to work the same – I’m figuring out how to get variance and percentage values.

So … normally I will tell my co-workers, and my boss, who have young children to kiss and hug them for me. And I will tell Jer to kiss and hug his finance too sometimes – the other day, in response, he says to me, “Kiss and hug the boys for me.” Then right after he says, “Why does it sound creepy when I say it.” lmao.

I love young children – they represent the unjaded versions of us – they are excited and hopeful and curious and adventurous.

The Boy found out I was napping – came in my room, turned on the light and sprayed water in my face. I’m not mad! Good looking out baby! (although … I think he enjoyed it a bit too much given the huge smirk. lol) I got about 30-60 min which is all I need. It’s 9:00 pm just about – bedtime soon.

Fri Nov 26:

I decided I am not going to get an Apple Watch as much as I love the features and the look – Fuck Apple. (Mind subject to change without notice). Now that I am active I really do want a wearable again and the next FitBit likely won’t show up till H2 2022. Why can’t they make the watch work with Andriod devices – Apple reminds me of Microsoft in some ways GRRRRRRRRR … I don’t want to fuckin use Safari or your shitty Maps and I told you that already so why you keep asking!!! Why did I go back to iPhone again? Oh yeah, it was supposed to make it easier for me to talk to my fam – but I don’t want to talk to these fuckers anyway! (Famalam! That was a joke!) Sometimes I feel like I gotta say I’m joking cause people don’t always seem to be able to tell. But I am not going to say to you I am joking all the time cause you should know.

I am seriously considering going back to my Pixel 3 XL for now. The only app that comes to mind that I will really miss on the iPhone is Notability – I miss the easy customizability of my Pixel – I can choose fonts and change the shape of the icons, etc. We’ll see, I don’t want to make any snap judgements. Maybe I should just keep an Android and an iPhone on hand for every time I change my mind.

Yesterday I ate french fries covered in duck fat – but I didn’t feel so bad about it, as you know, I’ve held off calling myself a vegan or vegetarian (although I might not have communicated that effectively) because dairy products are difficult for me to avoid and sometimes animal products do sneak into my food, like when I bought a vegetarian roti platter and likely the roti was fried in ghee. So … until my conscience and gut and skin and purchased products are clear of any animal stuff I will not attach a VEGAN label to myself – BUT my ultimate goal remains – I want to be a vegan again because I love animals and I love the planet. And I am more aware now of how the pieces fit.

Hmmm alternatively, I could become a cannibal and eat humans who are vegans. That would make me a vegan too; by proxy, right? BUT … If I consider humans animals I cannot eat them either. When we are good at putting people/animals into different categories for reasons we justify to ourselves and can convince others to get on board with those categorizations then … historically, all types of hell breaks loose and we have the “right” reasons for doing all the wrong things.

I’m hunting vegans!!! You gonna come with?

And recently I read that octopus, lobsters, and I believe crabs are considered sentient beings because they can feel pain and learn (we had to wait for a UK study to tell us that? Like we didn’t already know AND even if we didn’t – would any of us like to be thrown into a pot of boiling water or have our limbs ripped off while alive?) If your answer happens to be yes, I hope you’re vegan cause I’m coming for ya! ๐ŸŽถ Put all ya hands where my eyes can see ๐ŸŽถ

I have a book recommendation from my boss that you might like to read, Sapiens – I cannot start it until I finish the work-related must-read book. Also, he showed us a clip of some pastor telling people to say a pray, or something, and they won’t get COVID. Or they could have been praying for COVID to go away from the planet – Unfortunately the new COVID variant Omicron didn’t hear them.

The whole point of talking about all this is cause I am only supposed to be eating 1400 calories a day according to my meal plan from La Fitness. So – I got out my little scale and my meal portion container and I refreshed MyFitnessPal info. NOW … let’s see how long it takes for me to say, “Fuck it! Measuring and counting shit just takes the joy out of eating.” I kinda want to promise myself I won’t say that, but I know me. So I am not going to make any promises to myself – I will just work at looking at things differently and try to remember why I am doing all this in the moment and not ignore my reminders for tracking my meals – is this why people eat pre-made frozen dinners cause then you just have to scan a barcode. Or maybe that’s why people sign up for those meal diet programs – cause they customize your meals for you.

I rebuke satan, racism, sexism, classism, ageism, misinformationism, human/animaltrafficingism, fakenewsism, fakefriendsism, fakefoodism, and climatechangeism, materialism, stupididiotassism. I rebuke all -isms. In Jesus’ name. Amen!

Problems solved!


Wish me luck and a good night’s rest. Oh the sexy boxer at the gym knows my name ๐Ÿ™‚

Thu Nov 25:

Yay! Finally! Got to have drinks after work with my boss and Jer – BUT … I almost didn’t cause I forgot my wallet. lol. I think I would have cried if they turned me away. My boss was like, “Are you doing this on purpose!” Drรฉ to the rescue! He texted me a pic of my license! I’m surprised he didn’t say, “See mom! Aren’t you happy that I ain’t got shit to do all day?” The guy at the restaurant said he will remember me next time.

Yesterday, Drรฉ and I were watching a true crime show where this thirty-something dude had to move into his parents’ garage because he lost his job:

“Mom. I don’t wanna be living with you when I’m thirty.”

“I don’t want you living with me now.”

“Ok. I’ll move out at twenty-nine!”

I stopped at the physio place to make an appointment – my wrist is acting up again. The lady not available till Tuesday and the receptionist reminded me that I didn’t complete my last set of treatment sessions. (But I was feeling better ๐Ÿ˜ฆ )

Since I was out all day – I am hoping I will sleep for at least six hours tonight – it’s rainy and cool; perfect weather for sleeping.

Wed Nov 24:

Now we’re cooking with gasoline. I’m a blow this muthafucka’ up then burn this shit down yo!

You’ll be pleased to know, things went well with PBI today. I’m still in Power Query Editor – cleaning data and finalizing data types. It seems the data types don’t come over, e.g.: accounting just comes over as number/whole number. Once that’s done I have to do the data modelling – defining data vs lookup tables and connecting them. Good thing though, once all the transformation is done, I don’t have to do it again. One time! Boom! Then finally after all that, comes the visualizing. Feeling good about my Nov deadline – I’m moving faster. I get it.

I learned that the code inside of PQE is called M or EM – I didn’t look it up because I don’t need to know it now and dude didn’t get into it – so that’s for later.

๐ŸŽถ I won’t deny it, I’m a straight ridah. You don’t wanna fuck with me ๐ŸŽถ 2Pac always reminds me of my ex. Anytime he picked me up, I can count on Pac bumpin,’ pure ganja air freshener and me high AF by the time we get to wherever we’re going. Back then we knew driving drunk was a no-no, but no one talked about driving high as an impairment. Or … we didn’t about it.

I spent the last thirty minutes of my workout biking and watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles – classic, I got to see the part when Steve got dropped off at the car park to when him and John were on the highway and when they drove the burned out car to the motel. I had to keep my mask on – I was coughing and my throat hurts, I don’t think I was exposed to the VID – I just need to rest.

Tue Nov 23:

A quote from Hit Refresh – I think Satya is still the CEO of Microsoft and I love this entire book because it’s about change/transformation. I also love the comparisons he makes between cricket and business leadership. I don’t know why, but I felt the need to whip out this book earlier and read some of the inspiring pieces previously marked up. Probably because I am doing some rethinking – If a behemoth can transform for the better then so can we! Right?! So can anybody!!! I think I got turned on to this book from a McKinsey Co. reading list or something like that.

Going back to my days as an engineer, I’ve used the following mental model to capture how I manage time:

Employees. Customers. Products. Partners. Each element needs time, attention and focus if I am going to create the value for which I am ultimately accountable. All four are important and without discipline even the best managers can overlook one or more. Employees and products command our attention every day, as they are closest to us; customers provide the resources we need to do anything, so they also command energy. But partners provide the lift we need to soar. They help us see around corners, help us locate new opportunities we might not see alone.

Since becoming a CEO I now recognize there are many more constituents in this constellation. Governments and communities, for example are critical too. There has to be a disciplined approach in which all of these players see the value of a company, of its products and services. Maximizing value comes from the well-being and vibrancy of all these constituents.

Satya Nadella – Hit Refresh

Woke up this morning ready to get it on with PBI – Instead I was troubleshooting shit. “Microsoft! Why am I having trouble getting two of your products, PBI and SharePoint, to talk to each other?” I know PBI is young but I don’t care. It’s still Microsoft. Then my laptop froze and I said screw it and got caught up on some reading instead. I gotta get this PBI shit done though – I’m prepared to give a weekend to it if necessary I need to have the first draft dash up by the end of Nov – I can always tweak for improvements but I need to get it up – as you know, I hate working on things for long without seeing results.

I do my focus work early in the morning from 4:oo to 11:00 am is best, then again in the evening after six pm. I don’t check my emails till the afternoon first thing, I try to get at least one substantial thing done before noon.

I owe work four hours – I have to make it up this week.

After my workout I stopped at the grocery store – I admired the cakes and gummies but I didn’t buy any. But by the time I got to the pizza I couldn’t resist. Mushroom Mania by Dr. Oetker. And I got club soda and kombucha instead of soda.

๐ŸŽถ I can change, I can change. I can still change โ€ฆ I can still change. ๐ŸŽถ

Mon Nov 22:

I’m making my bucket list – In addition to running at least one ultramarathon, I wanna go for a joy ride in a fire truck and any cars that don’t get out of my way I can crash into them and keep going till I run out of gas. I’m gonna create a Make a Wish Foundation for adults because I also want to drive in F1 – I don’t care who for, I just wanna drive in an F1 Death Race. OMG, that will be so much fun. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just wanna destroy shit!

Yo … if FIFA comes to Toronto in 2026, I’m there!

I really badly want a pizza and beer and ice cream right now – but I’m putting good stuff in my belly today and then I will go to bed. Again, my trainer told me I’m genetically gifted. Sometimes he has me doing shit that will make other people stop what they’re doing to watch – That’s how cool the shit is … AND I learned from some of the other trainers, the shit he does with me, he doesn’t do with anyone else. Yeah!!!! Fuck Yeah!!! (The Boy thinks I swear too much)

And I got some encouragement from the sexy boxer dude! He was cheering me on ๐Ÿ™‚ You’d be pleased to know that today I didn’t try talking myself out of going to the gym – The Boy was checking on me again – He turned on my speaker, I turned on my music and was up!

I think after I’m super fit, I wanna learn a martial art but I don’t know which one yet.

FYEYES – I like watching Bloodline Detective but I don’t like watching Nancy Grace. Zoe is bigger than Archie now with a stink attitude – “I’m a grown woman bitch. Don’t you fuckin’ pet me!” She looks at me like, “Did I ask you to bring me home?!?!??!!!!!!! I don’t owe you shit!!!!” (Heavy sigh … she’s just like a human child!)

Sun Nov 21:

I spent the entire weekend learning French on Duo so I could advance to the Pearl league in first place ๐Ÿ™‚ I did it with over 2000 XP … I have six days to advance to obsidian – want to make sure I stay in the top three to get rewards then after that I will be in gold league – that’s the top league. Basically, I neglected Python and art to be Number One and Win One Hundred Lingots (which I cannot do much with anyway). FYI – I can be a tad bit competitive at times.

Learned fun stuff today, idoms and flirting in French.

“Salut beau gosse. Tu me plais! Comment tu t’appelles?” I suck at flirting in English. Actually, I never learned how to flirt? I’ll just say awkward shit that will immediately turn people off. And of course I have learned from nightlife observations that women aren’t expected to be direct – but I disagree with that. “If you buy me a drink it will taste awful because I don’t find you attractive. Please leave me alone!” I think it is good to say how I feel because I am doing him a favour – instead of wasting time with me, he can go on to find someone else.

Will I be better at flirting it in French? I hope so. Everything sounds better en Franรงais: “Salut beau gosse, j’ai des symptรดmes de la syphilis mais nous pouvons toujours avoir des relations sexuelles si vous voulez vivre dangereusement.” See! Doesn’t that sound sexy? I don’t know if that is completely accurate, I used Google Translate. I don’t know why, but I like the word “syphilis.” It reminds me of Al Capone.

Duo had tutors now. Did I tell you? I have to see how much it costs n if it is worth it. And also I can help others learn English. Once I don’t have to teach them how to spell it will be alright.

I drank an entire Dr. Pepper for the first time today and I liked it – it needs to be brain freeze cold for the medicine taste and smell to go away.

Sat Nov 20:

๐ŸŽถ Who let the rats out! Who? Who? Who? Who? Who let the rats out! ๐ŸŽถ

Sometimes Grammarly doesn’t work properly with WordPress and I find my site has slowed down and I need Grammarly to help with my spelling but it is not intelligent enough to pick up on some of my mistakes, e.g.: them vs then. At one point I used to write my journal on their site then paste into WP but it’s just my journal – it’s not work stuff or writing stuff.

I have to figure out why this weekend. I’m wondering if the feature images on some of my posts are too large.

I spent 1.5 hrs working on my poem, from 4:00 to 5:26 this morning then again another three hours in the evening. I like this one – Sonnet? Check! I’m in my Darkseid exploration phase – actually not that side.

I’m learning how to put this French frequency dictionary to good use. I might publish another poem before going to bed.

It’s so much fun watching the rats. I feel they are studying me as much as I study them. Sometimes they will drink from their water bowls by scooping up water in their paws. Sometimes they use the water to wash their face. They’re so interesting.

Fri Nov 19:

I get home from the gym and the first thing Drรฉ says to me, “You can’t call when you gon be two hours late!?”

“Who you is?” He didn’t answer me; just turned around and went back in his room.

I was in the sauna for 30 min and in the shower forever – the water pressure and temp felt so nice. I might just do all my showering at the gym.

I loved my workout today – squat jumps, sled pushing, 60kg tire flipping AND I had to lift, hold and walk back and forth with that shit – it was fun and I did the row machine for 20 min. Gotta get me some gloves though – I don’t want my hands to get all callously and gross.

Did I tell you I’m gonna grow out my hair and look like Pam in Coffy. I got me some 3C, 4A, 4B and 4C hair – I am going to have to figure out how to take care of them properly because what’s great moisture for 4C is too heavy for 3C and the same for the other way around.

Today I learned what a star schema is AND how to pull data out from existing flat files to create lookup tables or relationship models – ok I have to actually do it for it to stick but this is really cool because more important than the data visualization is the data modelling. ๐ŸŽถ I learned something new today ๐ŸŽถ I think I love this stuff a little too much, it doesn’t feel like work, which is good and bad cause I could easily spend my weekend having sex with Data.

Ready. Set. Model Data.

Thu Nov 18:

Dad’s planning a visit from Dec 15 to 30. Or maybe from Dec 18. It’s a plan but I am very excited and I will have him all to myself – not that I didn’t like his gf, but she sees him all the time and so does my younger brother. But I am making assumptions – sometimes you can live with someone and still miss them because you don’t spend any time together or you spend time doing the same shit so it’s just routine – I feel like spending time together grocery shopping or watching a movie on the couch is different from spending time having dinner at a restaurant then going to a movie – and BTW …

If my man takes out his phone to check social media garbage while we’re out having dinner or doing our together shit, I will take that phone and force it down his fuckin’ throat along with a portion of his last meal and leave him for dead. He’d better pray that shit ain’t a Max or Pro something “You love social media so much, eat it!!! There’s your time, there’s my time; this was supposed to be our time muthafucka.” Then I’ll go home, dig a pit in the backyard and have a bottle of wine while I watch all his shit burn. Good riddance! My reaction may come off as a bit excessive but I done explained to him more than thrice that our time is for us to reconnect and get reacquainted, so … he can’t get mad at me. Hmm… If some guy reads this who could potentially be my future bf he might change his mind – Please just know that I am joking. Until I’m not!

I see people at the gym sitting on machines, and texting or doing whatever they’re doing between sets … You can’t leave your phone alone for an hour or two to focus on your fitness. I know some people will use workout apps while at the gym but those are usually the people on mats. And sometimes you might look up how to use a machine but if you’re between sets then you already know how, so what are you doing? Wasting time and inconveniencing others. As you know, I do a lot of people watching.

This BI dash should be up and running by the end of the month – I found a guy on YouTube. I really like how he explains things and there are also the two women I usually follow for Excel and Teams stuff, I’ll be alright because they also have Power BI videos. Hip Hip. Power to the BI.

Wed Nov 17:

Sorry about yesterday – I can’t even remember now what happened. But I’m here today! ๐Ÿ™‚

I walked past Tim Hortons then I went back and got an apple fritter. Not good I know BUT … while waiting I heard Dheeme. Dheeme. I was like damn. Then my shoulders started shaking and hips started swaying, then my feet started moving. Got my order but didn’t leave the store till the song was done. Then on my way out I heard Makhna and I turned around, then my shoulders started shaking … Party at Tims!!!

It’s gonna take some time to get used to this toothbrush. I don’t know why I thought I’d like some shit vibrating in my mouth. Two things I realized, I wasn’t brushing long enough and I was using too much pressure. This is good to know. Speaking of vibe, one sec … gotta dance to The Wakhra Song

Sometimes work feels like this monstrous vertical climb and my legs are tired. I am feeling sorry for myself, can you tell? Give me a moment to dance and sing ๐ŸŽถ Sauda. Khara. Khara. Sauda. Khara. Khara ๐ŸŽถ I’m alright now.

This morning the water was freezing cold with zero pressure. I had to leave for Matt’s hearing appointment without showering. Then I had another appointment that I totally missed and had to reschedule. By the time I got home the water was off, so I had to go to the gym without showering … now I’m clean.

Sleep tight! I’m gonna go hang with the pets – maybe do some art, then get six hours tonight!

Mon Nov 15:

Almost puked and died at the gym, but it’s all good cause je got beaucoup energy right now. I ran home after I got off the bus. I feel like doing Power BI work but I’m gonna blast my music and dance instead. ๐ŸŽถ If you sexy and you know it put your hands up in the air ๐ŸŽถ I might have eaten too close to my workout – timing really is everything

There’s this other good lookin’ guy at the gym and he has a full beard and he’s into boxing and he’s tall enough that if I wore my 4-5-6 inch heels I won’t be taller than him and I am going to think about him as I write part two to Overture. Yeah baby! Yeah! I feel like I could write erotic fiction. I also feel like maybe I told you this before no?

๐ŸŽถ I like the way you grind with that booty on me. Shawty you a dime why you looking lonely. We’ll buy another round and it’s all on me. As long as I’m around put it down on me. Put it down on me ๐ŸŽถ

I got a kickass toothbrush with accompanying app and everything ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m gonna go get my Oral B hygiene on with this sexy ass toothbrush

Sun Nov 14:

Red Rover. Red Rover. Send Sales data over. Right fuckin’ now!

My dad always told me, “You should judge a person’s character based on how they behave when they aren’t getting what they want.” Someone reminded me of this today. It wasn’t me – I hope I don’t act douchy when I am not getting what I want.

Got some advice from my IT guy! I like talking to people who help me see things from different perspectives. Our CA is also like that sometimes and so is Jer. And so is The Boy! And our Sales Director is great at explaining to me things so I understand them. I am happy to ask for and make use of feedbacks and opinions and ideas. I am happy that people feel comfortable sharing their headspace with me. I feel I am mostly agreeable, except for when I am Hulk angry, but I quickly return to human form accept and apologize for stuff Hulk did. AND I find that as I get older, Hulk doesn’t show up as often, but when he does, you’ll know.

I just keep getting betterer and betterer as I age. Yippie!!! I am trying really hard not to eat anymore junk today, unfortunately the night is still young.

I read somewhere, “More important than your time is your attention.” I don’t understand why they are saying that, if something is taking your attention, is it not also taking your time? Whatever! Maybe the person was trying to say you should be careful with what you give your attention to? Suppose I say shit that people think is stupid but seemed wonderful to me in the moment?

I’m making mistakes in my journal again … putting apostrophes where they don’t belong, adding extra spaces, spelling words wrong – but at least I know now that it has nothing to do with my memory. I woke up with all intentions to study Python but then I felt shitty, so I went back to bed. Then I woke up and did my assignment. As things get complicated I have to dedicate more time to completing my homework closer to when I finish the lectures otherwise I need to review everything.

Dee painted that rock many years ago and paper got stuck to it somehow.

This is my beautiful leaf today – I forgot I had it in my pocket and was disappointed, a part of me expected it to stay the same. If I didn’t see it yesterday, would I still think it’s beautiful? Likely no. This leaf will never return to its former beauty but fallen leafs aren’t people – you’re still alive, even though you might feel dead and you got lots of living to do; One day at a time.

I am currently on a 75$/week food budget like the boys. And I am still on a cash diet but using my credit card because if I use my debit I’m missing out on the rewards and cash back, which makes no sense. The added benefit of using my card for everything too is I will be able to track my spending much easier. This is good.

Sat Nov 13:

๐ŸŽถ Lolipop. Lolipop. Oh loli, lolipop. ๐ŸŽถ

Official new gym days are Monday to Friday. I was complaining to my training that I gained weight, but he said this is normal and it’s muscle. Hooray! Today he told me he knows my body and I was thinking, ooooh! That’s what I want my man to say … when I get one. Turns out my core is behind developmentally, compared to all my other muscles so we gotta bring that up and he is going to get more specific on what I must do on cardio days, i.e. which machines to use and for how long, etc.

I decided … as my sight goes, I’d like for my hearing and smelling to be enhanced. I think this is a righteous evolution for women; then predators can’t sneak up on us. If you get home and someone is hiding in your house, you’ll know as soon as you open the door. And if you wanna have sex with some dude but he has a disease you can smell it and end his life; Species. Do you think people smell different when they are trying to harm you? Let’s say you have a partner who wants you dead for insurance money or just cause he wants out of the relationship – I think enhanced hearing/smelling will be good for everyone – no more trust by trial, you autmotically know.

Sometimes I sleep too long in the late afternoon, early evening – this may be why I am up after midnight. One hour naps Sam. One hour. Not two and three.

We got two more rats. Pepper and Ash. I wanted Fire Hydrant and Extinguisher but the boys didn’t like those names. What do they know! I got to pick them this time – they are so cute. We have to quarantine them for two weeks then put the cages close to each other before putting them in the same space.

Today I didn’t try to talk myself out of going to the gym but I went too early – I should’nt be doing crazy cardio right before training only after. So now I gotta make sure I don’t spend more than 20 minutes warming up.

BTW – I still miss my Pixel. I can’t set my alarms to Spotify music natively. I don’t like the design of the new Pixel and I am waiting to see what they are going to do with Fitbit.

I noticed that some apps don’t create connectors for BI software, so I either have to first export to csv then ETL, but am wondering if I can make my own APIs and skip that export step. For example, I can get my data directly from AppX and into BI instead of using some random third party, probably uncertified, connector. It’s like the Wild West of connectors out there – some are free, others cost a torso. There are so many, but I don’t know if they are regulated. How do you determine safety of these things?

We don’t get into details on formats for exchanging data across web services until chapter 13 which is another course or two away – I’ve been reading ahead ๐Ÿ™‚ Definition wise, I now know the difference between JSON and XML – application wise … I have no idea. I know what I want to do but I don’t know the best way to do it. I have to check-in with our CTO – I will ask him my questions, he should be able to give me some direction – where to look or what to look for.

I saw this beautiful leaf on the sidewalk – I love the color and all the curls/overlaps

Found this neat visual on language origins. I will show you later. Going back to bed now.

Fri Nov 12:

I met a cute guy.

He was like, “Are you gonna use that machine?”

And I was like, “No!”

Drรฉ woke me up for the gym … “Mom! Mom!”


“Isn’t it time for you to get ready for the gym?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m up. I’m up”

The tables have turned. (I don’t get that saying). I thanked him for checking on me before I left. I’m already feeling the difference when I do my cardio, I can maintain a 147-153 bpm while on the precor for over 10 minutes. I can sprint without feeling like I’m going to die from lack of oxygen.

Used a balance board for the first time ever. It was fun – I had to balance while doing squats with a kettlebell, while throwing and catching a medicine ball and there was something else. … Oh, I pushed this heavy sled thing back and forth. I love these combo moves. In the next week or two, I will be moving to Mon, Wed, Fri – this will be good I think because I have the entire weekend to work on art and Python.

I figured out how to work with smudgy things like chalk – I go from top to bottom and I try not to touch the spots I already work on

Variables, conditionals and loops; oh my!

Thu Nov 11:

It’s Rememberance Day! I cannot say Happy Rememberance Day. Maybe Somber Rememberance Day.

Made some headway with PowerBI tonight … was able to load data and create a chart but I think if I load before I transform it I can’t change the data type later. Well … so far I don’t see a way to do it. But I like working with Power BI better that PowerMetric so far. AND – I’m even seeing stuff on Python data visualization but I’m not gonna go there yet. AND I still have to try getting data from other sources. This is very cool, I’m really liking figuring all this out.

I napped for too long and missed my gym window – I wouldn’t have gotten there with enough time to workout before they close; but I did get outside and do some walking. Now its 12:30 am and I am wide awake working on PowerBI with Surrogates and Matt’s music playing in the background. This movie reminds me of what FB may be trying to do with Meta

I’m gonna get back to PBI – Peanut Butter and Information ๐Ÿ™‚

Wed Nov 10:

I walked with all my gym stuff but I was so tired I left at my usual time 3:00 pm – Then on my way home they shut down part of the line, some idiot was playing on the train tracks. I was going to Uber but what would have cost me ~ 35$ was over 70$ … I hate when they do that. I ended up walking from Yonge and College to Yonge and Bloor. By the time I got up there, they musta got dude off the tracks or they just said fuck it, turned that shit back on and electrocuted him/her/they/them. Why you gotta do your crazy shit just before rush hour?

By the time I got home, I had less than an hour to nap. But I made it to the gym just in time. “Did you warm up?”

“Does running for the bus count?”

“Ok. Don’t worry. Let’s get started.”

I still have no idea if running for the bus counts or not! Dude just fully ignored my question. I wanted to get home badly, I didn’t even use the sauna. BTW – Equinox is inviting me back at a discounted price but I am already where I am and I love my trainer.

“Two more. One more. One more. One more.” Da fuck!?! Do you not know math!

I had to add a message via quote block to my Decadent poem because people think the first line is a typo but it is not – the “am” is meant to be there twice because if the reader notices it and doesn’t mentally auto-correct, it gives you pause like, “Does she want to say, ‘I am a good person!’ or is she saying ‘Am I a good person?'” (That is also why I didn’t use any punctuations in the poem – I was thinking about how I could say the same thing with brackets but it wouldn’t work.) And maybe in the process of trying to figure out what I mean, you will ask yourself the same question. Or you could say, “This poem is stupid! She didn’t even proofread it properly!”

That’s the best part of poetry, it can be whatever it needs to be to the reader but as the author, Decadent is meant to be unsettling – Matt’s been sharing a few of my poems with his friend and she like it – I asked him when he is going to start writing again but he doesn’t know.

And getting back to my original question, we have test to tell how intelligent someone is or what personality type they fall into and even how psychopathic they are but do we have a test for goodness? Maybe we do and I am not aware. This is where my head is at and I intend to explore it.

BTW … (I almost forgot what I was going to say.) My official number is seven on the enneagram scale.

Tue Nov 09:

I made it to the gym even though it was raining and I found me talking myself out of going. While in the sauna I was wondering if I am a good person. Sometimes I feel icky – I would like to judge myself by my actions and not my thoughts but my thoughts bother me. Ultimately, I hope I am a good person, but how can I be sure? I wrote a poem and made a note to remember my besideme book for the next time I’m in the sauna.

Bossman gave everyone a book to read – that is mostly what I did today. Read and think. I also spent part of the day looking at how I can rearrange my OKRs and what my 2022 objectives will be.

It’s 11:30 pm – I should be sleeping and I gotta get to the office tomorrow morning. I think I will spend the day there and go straight to the gym. I need an extra five hours in every day.

I think too much – but we already knew that ๐Ÿ™‚

I have to rename my old journal – I hope you had a wonderful day and told everyone, “I love you!” Don’t be stingy with your love, but only do it if you mean it.

Mon Nov 08:

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

I know how to get data from a file with Python! Ha! ๐Ÿ™‚

Learning pivot tables and charts was way easier than learning these dashboard apps. In a way with Excel, everything was contained I didn’t have to do ETL because all the data was being entered into one spreadsheet. Now!!! I know nothing of authentication and bearer authorization access tokens and JSON vs XML data formats and encoding. Just bring over the God damn data and stop asking me a shit tonne a buncha questions alreadydata source configuration my butt!!! The fab news, I am encountering terminology we’ve started to touch on in Python. However, beginner exposure is very different from actually trying to get shit done … BUT it’s all good.

As usual, everything looks easy to me until I jump in and get bit by query parameter, random API and OAuth sharks. Data source configuration sharks are less scary than women who walk around naked in change rooms. When I’m frustrated, I go for a walk around the apartment, say hello to the pets, think about my attack plan, then get back to work. Sometimes I will also go into The Boy’s room, throw around clothes he has laying about, laugh, then leave. All he ever says is, “Why!”

BTW – He’s supposed to meet up with a teacher he’s known since kindergarten. She reached out and offered to help him with finding work and getting his GED. I thought that was above and beyond sweet. She’s always looked out for the boys and I don’t know if I’ve ever shown my appreciation – saying thank you is one thing but a real show of appreciation is another. Their gym teacher is like that too.

This morning my yellow fish was downsided at the bottom of the tank. I went to get the net to fish her out but got distracted; when I remembered, she wasn’t there anymore. She seems fine now – maybe she was resting her fins. Or maybe someone brought her back from the dead. Could there be a Stephen King-type pet cemetery in my fish tank – it only works if you die in a certain spot and you don’t come back all messed up. One fish, two fish, yellow fish, umbrella portabello fish (oooh – I can see it now)

Is all that ends well really well ended? As my sight goes, I’d like to think another sense is enhanced. I’m thinking about what if I had to trade one sense for another – Do you remember The Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman? I will have to get back to you on what I would trade-in.

Sleep gripe!

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