Tue Dec 21:

Gadzooks! I cried today in front of a co-worker. Three and counting … I should go for a record. I didn’t intend to cry, and I didn’t think I would cry, but after I started talking about what was bothering me, it happened. Sam the Company Crier. Wah! Wah! Watching bunnies flop over on their side is so funny.

I hope you have people at work or in general that you can talk to and cry in front of if you need to. Although, I might have made him uncomfortable. (I didn’t think about that till now.) Wow … I’ve come a long way – just bawl your eyes out wherever and whenever you want – except when in meetings, or in bathrooms with strangers or stranger bathrooms. “Mam! I don’t know how you got in here. But could you please get out and go cry somewhere else!” Anyway … I was just frustrated but I am alright and I got good feedback and suggestion And the other day I also got some good feedback from my boss. 🎶 Let’s go to the Ex oh baby 🎶There is no method to my madness to my method.

And yes! In spite of my frustrations, I love my coworkers – Truly Madly Deeply 🙂 – I think that’s a movie – that I’ve never seen. And I cannot forget that others are frustrated too. You know … this isn’t all about me. Well, this journal is but work-life and home-life aren’t all about me. Are these company growing pains? I love that I can be myself and we can speak our minds to each other – that means a lot to me. That means everything to me.

I hope I find a dude and we can be honest with each other and work our shit out and not go to bed angry – I don’t hold grudges, but you might not have a bed to sleep on, depending on how angry I get. And after it’s all said … we hug it out. Exhale. Wake up on the floor the next day and realize, “Holy mattress, what were we arguing about anyway!?” My dad used to say something to me like, will this thing matter, such and such a time from now? If I look back on all my mountainous molehills – the answer in most cases I think would be no. I hope my ego doesn’t get in the way of work or any relationship for that matter. I said, “To be honest.” today – I hate that saying. I don’t know why I said it. FYI – I also hate the word “groin.” It doesn’t sound fetching.

It’s that time of the year again. School is out for Matt, so he stays up all night gaming. And God only knows what Dré is doing. This year we will be having Christmas lunch/dinner at Dee’s place. At first, she wanted lasagna but now she wants me to make oxtail, seeing as how we are all lactose intolerant – Good call Mama. Can I make a meat dish without eating meat? Soon I will know. When Matt found out I was making oxtail he said, “Mom. It’s been a year since I’ve had your oxtail. That’s too long!” He can be my taster.

Tomorrow I go to get fitted for my orthotics – I am really very happy about that because now I will know at least that I am taking care of my feet – which supposedly takes care of everything else. I am not doing my run today – the inside of my keens hurt from yesterday. It’s almost a new year – I have to get back to all the stuff that is important to me – Power BI/Excel/Python, Drawing, Writing, OutWorking, RunTraining – I feel lazy today. And a part of me is afraid that I won’t have time to do everything I want to, especially now that I am sleeping more (which is good, I am not complaining about that.) But I have less time in the day because I am sleeping more. and when I start going for my long runs, usually on Sunday, I will have less time too. I am thinking about my New Year’s schedule.

Did you notice the changes in YouTube – You cannot see dislike counts anymore, you can make donations to folks, 2$, 5$, 10$ etc., and there is one more thing I am forgetting. I think the cash thing is great cause you could make money from videos you’ve had up for years and years. I was working on my spreadsheet and I thought to myself, “Can I associate a numeric value to text so I can include it in a calculation?” The answer is yes!!! Woohoo!!! And I found a video on YouTube to help me do it. I would like to call myself an Excel expert but I’d be fibbing – I’m learning as I go and as I encounter challenges.

Many years ago I read that I shouldn’t share my ideas until they are fully formed because people may not understand and something else that I cannot remember.

🎶Looking at your face just makes me sick. How can any person be such a dick. Shitty boss. Shitty boss. Lighting grant me your vengeance. Strike them down. Strike them down … Sell my soul cause I’m a corporate slave. Choke on my rage. Choke on my rage 🎶I bet you don’t know what that’s from. I started watching again from season one. In the future, I will sing death metal in my bathroom when frustrated; not just with work shit, but any shit.

Sleep hype!

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