RainbowFire - Journal Entries

July 2021

Mon Jul 26:

Lately whenever Matt finds me laying in bed cause I’m having trouble getting up, he will turn on my music for me and within seconds I’m up and dancing. Thank you Matt!

My last two entries, including this one, was/will be completed successfully from my iPad.

Our CTO’s parents were together for over 60 years, isn’t that beautiful? Maybe it is more important to know forgiveness and compromise and empathy than it is to know when to leave. (but I feel they are equally important). For example, when Ed forgot his heart pills in The Conjuring, Lorraine didn’t yell at him or get pissed of, she remembered for him.

Does it suck that I have to use movies as relationship reference? I don’t think so, and the Warrens are real people so you know, it’s ok. Sometimes you see something and you say to yourself, I want that without knowing what the couple may have gone through to get to where they are. And I read somewhere that relationships are rarely ever 50/50. But at the same time, I feel like one person shouldn’t always be the one giving more.

On some level I grew up with the knowledge that women gave way, way, way more of themselves than men do and I think that stuck with me. My mom would do anything for my stepdad and he was long past due for the landfill. She invested way too much time and money into garbage and its not like he appreciated any of it. He has lots of women; lots of children.

He was a bad parent or a worst partner. (My blood is already boiling). All about chasing women, he was. (I don’t know the psychology of why men feel the need to be that way, but I suspect it’s some deep deficiency – I hope I raised my boys better than that).

One time she found out about some other, another other woman AGAIN!!!!! I was probably 12, 13 when she told me about it. I didn’t know what to say, I’m a fuckin’ tween, why are you even sharing that shit with me!

A few nights later she was dragging me along on her reconnaissance, douche bag investigative mission. HOW MUCH MORE INFO DO YOU NEED TO MAKE A DECISION!!! AND she stayed with him! That filth. She stayed. And I hated him but I was more angry with her because she didn’t need him, but she stayed! And the betrayals kept coming until it finally ended because HE left HER for another woman! Fuck!

Then there was this guy named Warren, another loser. Ugh! I don’t know why she felt she needed some fuckhead in her life. My mom was strong and self-sufficient and funny, a performer, an electrician, a plumber, carpenter, dress maker, interior designer, a badass chef and an experimenter and …

Hmmmm … I wonder if my mom had BPD – the one thing about that disorder I don’t identify with is the fear of being alone or abandoned or feeling of emptiness/loneliness. Or maybe I am in denial and compensating by having lots of stuff to do. Apparently art therapy is another approach for people with BPD.

Enough introspection for one journal entry 🙂

If you can’t do free, do cheap. Older businesses can be caught off guard by the giveaway policies of newer businesses, for example, newspapers that struggle to compete with online providers of free news content. But free has long been widely used in marketing: Free admission before 7 pm; buy two get one free; children eat free when accompanied by (hungry, paying) adults.

No give away is truly free, so make sure it helps sell your core product. Adobe gives away it’s PDF Reader software but charges for its Acrobat program that allows one to create and edit PDF documents. Google offers a free stripped down version of SketchUp drawing program, from which users build skills that create demand for the high powered subscription version.

If you can’t do free, try doing inexpensive, in which case your secondary product might behave as a core product. Printing manufacturers, for example, often sell their printers below or near cost, knowing that buyers will return again and again to buy refill cartridges.

Thing # 56 of 101 Things I Learned in Business School.

I have my first French convo tomorrow – I am looking forward to it. I feel like I might be able to write a French poem faster than a Japanese one, because DuoLingo has lots more types of French lessons than Japanese and I am learning from a real person too. 🙂 Thank you Business Developer Guy!

I think I might skip this quadrille, maybe. I didn’t read what the subject was yet but I have other works to do and I want to challenge myself by writing different forms of poems – you know what I mean?

AND BTW … I did not put together any content for my next version of Blimey.

Did I tell you I want to get a bicycle? A BMX type bike and/or a bike I can use on trails. I haven’t even done a trail run in ages. But I am not going to invest until I have a regular go outside and play routine.

I was going to leave you with a relationship quote but they are so damn cheesy, so just go to bed and know your worth! (not in some crazy narcissistic, histrionic, or other personality disorder type of way).

I hope I didn’t also inadvertently leave you with spellar and grammaring errors. Good night!

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