Journal Entry – Wed Oct 21

I didn’t nap today 🙂 and I couldn’t sleep last night – I’ve been awake since 1:30 am. I’m not telling you about the gummies I ate today 😦

I haven’t been tracking my hours for about a week and a half. I feel horrible cause it’s gonna take me forever to get caught up, and every day I keep putting it off. But sometimes I go to Everhour, and I can’t get in – it doesn’t want to load for me.

My next steps meeting with my boss got cancelled yesterday. He had investor/financial stuff to do. I have some errors in previous journal entries that I need to correct. Sometimes I go back and read them to gauge my mood, but I think I need a mood indicator right at the top – that will be most helpful. Smiley Face, Sad Face, Sleepy AF Face, Angry Face, I Don’t Give a Shit Whatever Face, This is the End Face. (sigh)

Most times, I don’t even know how I feel; I can feel everything and nothing all at once or cycle through a tonne of emotions at lighting speed. Anyway … Enough about me and my emotions. I finally got the chance to look at some character development info today, but I didn’t get to finish.

We had burgers for dinner – Matt’s idea – he did the grocery shopping, and I did the prep work. Then he did the laundry, and now he’s baking banana muffins.

I attended the session André has with his therapist/social worker, Adam, and he said that I need to set boundaries because, without limits, resentment can set in. I don’t know if I know how to do that with him – I’m an authoritative parent, but if I was a strict disciplinarian, I don’t think that would have been helpful for him either, and I don’t want to be his friend – that’s not my role. I’ve often felt like giving up, and then I feel like shit for feeling that way.

Last year when he wasn’t going to school, I took his iPhone and iPad. I think I will do the same for the next quadmester because even though he’s home all day, he literally does nothing; just getting him to help out around the house is a battle. Why!!!! I need my own island, and a drink!

I got you to 17 brah! Eventually, you are going to have to do for yourself. Obviously, I know he can’t help himself, but the most frustrating part is that he’s not receptive to help. Like … what am I supposed to do? Well, I am definitely not going to be his caregiver for the rest of his lazy life. I have other plans …

🎶I gotta be free, I gotta be me🎶 (Marks-Davis)