RainbowFire

Journal Entry – Mon Nov 2

We got our first snowfall last night. I am so happy that I don’t have to go to the office. I’ve always hated leaving the house on snowy days.

One winter, when I was in middle school, my mom and stepdad went on a trip for a week, maybe two. I didn’t go to school the whole time. lol. I got in trouble when they came back, and I wasn’t allowed to go on a school trip, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t looking forward to the stupid trip anyway. 

My mom probably would have beat the crap out of me, but about a year before, or maybe a few months before, I had shown the school principal from a different school all the welts on my body from the blue plastic belt she’d beat me with. (I know I’ve mentioned this before somewhere, but I am telling you a new story and giving you more details, so it’s ok 🙂 ). Do you remember jelly shoes from the eighties? The belt was made out of the same material. That shit stung like a mofo but often times, I refused to cry! Which would just make her more upset.

Now as an adult and based on what I know about the difference between discipline and punishment – I feel like my mom just wanted to punish me. For everything! And maybe she got some satisfaction out of beating me.

But when I was close to finishing middle school, I just wasn’t afraid of her anymore. Give me your worse. I can take it. I’m still gonna do what I wanna do. You can’t stop me! My stubbornness and fierce independence drove my mother mad.

The next time Marlene goes to India, I wanna go with her. I read Nine Lives by William Dalrymple. He talks about the Ganges basin where the ‘isms started (Jainism, Buddhism and Hinduism). And he tells stories of people he’s interviewed.   

I made my lotion from https://www.consciouslifeandstyle.com/ – coconut and olive oils (I didn’t have almond), shea butter, arrowroot powder and vanilla essential oil. I haven’t used it yet, so we’ll see. I was gonna make my own, but decided not to.

I’m gonna eat butter chicken pizza for the rest of my life. (that’s how I feel today).

I had my first convo with the addiction counsellor – she said she would send me some stuff to read. I haven’t checked my mail yet. I sometimes wonder if I’ve damaged my liver. She noted that abstaining is more manageable than reducing the amount you drink. I figured it would have been the other way. 

I got a book from some guy in Germany, but I don’t even remember attending his seminar. Organisational Mastery: The product development blueprint for executive leaders. I will read it anyway.

Things appear right when I need them 🙂 It’s like the universe knew that moment was coming and knew exactly what was required to get me through. I’m also exposed to things I’m not fond of, but in retrospect, that exposure prepared me for what I have to do now.

Isn’t that wonderful!?

UPDATED Nov 2: I completed the fourth paragraph/section starting with,, “Now as …” Sometimes my brain moves faster than I can type

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