Messages from your upbringing
Parents, teachers and other attachment figures are part of the growing up process, praising and encouraging – and also cautioning, reprimanding and punishing. These influences shape us as we grow into adulthood, and they also influence our partnerships.
Nurturing parent influence. The caring parent influence describes the side of our personality that wants to do things for others. When this trait is particularly pronounced in someone, they frequently find themselves using phrases such as: “I’d be happy to do that for you!” – but are annoyed by themselves afterwards for making the offer.
Critical parent influence. In childhood, we are shaped by critical comments. Phrases like: “If you can party, you can work too” or “what did you think would happen?” are messages from our youth, and they pass smoothly into our adult lives without being questioned. The extent of the critical parent influence will tell you how strongly pronounced these tendencies are.
How the way you behaved as a child influences you now
The child we used to be lives on in us, with its feelings, impulses, desires and reactions. In our subconscious, we store strategies that made a mark on us as children. These are different in every one of us: spontaneous naturalness, ability to adapt when seeking recognition and mischievous manipulation.
Natural childhood influence. Children express themselves artlessly and spontaneously. When you burst into tears, laugh out loud joyfully, stop work early or shout “yes” just for fun, you are expressing the natural child within you.
Adapted childhood influence. When we were children we tried to do things right for our parents to get their praise and recognition. Adults still exhibit this type of behaviour, for example when we comply with a request simply in order to avoid arguments.
Manipulative childhood influence. Children learn to manipulate their parents by cleverly exploiting their weaknesses. Adults too use this style of communication, for example by being charming in order to overcome resistance and get what they want.
Current communication style
Our adult voice is the moderator, reconciling the parental and childish voices within us. Whilst retaining childish needs and parental commands that continue to affect us, we gradually develop the capacity to communicate the situation in an appropriate way.
Current communication style. Our adult voice is the moderator, reconciling the parental and childish voices within us. Whilst retaining childish needs and parental commands that continue to affect us, we gradually develop the capacity to communicate the situation in an appropriate way.
