Positive attitude. When you see everything from the most positive possible angle. The optimist sees the glass half-full, while the pessimist sees it half-empty.
How do you process experiences?
Whatever happens to us in life – each person handles it in a different way. We can identify two kinds of orientation. One type is directed externally, known as extraversion. The other type of processing, known as introversion, is directed inwards. Neither of them completely determine the way we feel and think. As with other characteristics, the specific ratio is important.
Introversion. This is a basic attitude in which experience and action are primarily oriented towards the inner world. An introverted person is careful, considered and reserved, preferring an evening alone or with a few good friends to a noisy night out.
Extraversion. This is a basic attitude in which experience and action are primarily oriented towards the external world. An extrovert is open-minded, decisive and trusting of other people. He or she likes to go out, to surround himself/ herself with lots of people and to gather as many new experiences as possible.
How do you approach people?
Two different forces determine our contact patterns: the desire to make contact and contact inhibition. The desire to make contact allows us to approach people. Contact inhibition keeps us from giving free rein to our desire to make contacts, allowing us to keep a healthy distance from others. Without the motivational need to make contact we would be alone, but without restraining inhibitions we would not be able to keep our distance. We have both variants within us, but in differing quantities.
General desire for social interaction. In expression of the intense need to get to know other people. An example of a stronger desire for contact: if you generally try to get into conversation with other people, for instance the woman at the newsagent’s or the person opposite you in the Tube.
The extent of your inhibition towards social interaction. A contact-inhibited person avoids approaching others, perhaps because he or she is afraid of appearing importunate or of not being accepted by an established group of friends.
Willingness to adapt. Your capacity or desire to adjust to the characteristics of other people. For example, this type of person might be someone who doesn’t mind whether the bedroom window is open or closed; you are prepared to adapt to the needs of your partner.
Pragmatism. A basic attitude in which rationality and objectivity are the decisive factors in the decision making process. In extreme cases of this character type, there is no room for flights of the imagination.
How you deal with frustration
We become frustrated when our expectations are not met. Individuals react to this in very different ways. Pychologists identify four behavioural patterns that often overlap in everday life, and whose individual expression continually influences the relationship.
Generosity. Your tendency to react generously. In this context, this indicates a kind and forgiving reaction to things which frustrate you. For example, a colleague accidentally smashes your coffee cup and your reaction is to say: “Never mind. It was cracked already.”
Your tendency to compensate. In this context, it indicates a reaction to frustration. You cope with that by finding alternative ways of not drawing the short straw. For instance, if your partner flirts with someone when you are out together, you don’t make a scene. Your style is to do all you can to have a good time yourself, to show them what they are missing and feel that you have dished out some ‘payback’.
The extent of your tendency to withdraw from situations of conflict or frustration. This type of person feels weak and powerless in an argument and can neither stand up and fight, nor act to improve the situation for themselves.
Assertiveness. In this context, it indicates a reaction to frustration. Through your words or your deeds you insist on removing the cause of the frustration to your own advantage. For example, if you are not happy with a dish in a restaurant, you send it back and demand a replacement.
