Forever Hold

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I never wanted to be one of those women who carried two bags, but now I am that woman carrying two bags – why is this happening to me! Worse yet, I don’t even need everything I’m carrying, but my mind is in this what-if loop … … …

What if I need my kitchen sink and don’t have it? The world will end, and it will be my fault! All the chaos of end times could have been avoided if I only kept the heavy-ass kitchen sink in my bag! It’s so difficult for me to decide what should stay home and what should go with me to the wherever. Grrr!

Knowing what we know now, are women still attracted to the strong, silent type?

Speak muthafucka!
Silence does not make you strong …

Oh! You gon remain silent, bitch!?
…
Fine!
First! Imma smash your knee caps with this here baseball bat
Second! Imma choke you out
Finally! Imma rip your larynx outta your throat!

What! Now you got shit to say!?

Shut the fuck up!
It’s too late!
Speak! Or get fucked up in the worse way! Love, Sam!

Basecamp

There is a rock climbing place in Toronto – you should go, and right after you are done climbing you can stop by Shroom City and get even higher. I bought a pack yesterday but didn’t use any yet.

Name That Tyrant No. 08

Congratulations to those who knew the answer was Ilse Koch. Our first female tyrant but certainly not the last. I’d like for some of the winners to stop calling in to ask for Nazi memorabilia – that’s reserved for future seasons of our fantastic game show.

Please understand we are doing our best to expedite the emaciated prisoners of war so you can have fun. You’re welcome to preserve them for use later – we’ve included a pamphlet with instructions. Pickling is best – we recommend wearing a condom.

When you’re done experimentation and sexual interrelations, we’ve included a booklet on re-upholstery and how to naturally tan a hide. We expect the human-skin dining chairs will compliment your human-bone China nicely. Please invite us to your first event and if you cannot do that, send pictures.

Waste not. Want not.

All prizes were announced here:

Yay Me

I want to write a poem based on Norman Rockwell’s painting The Problem We All Live With, but it is not in the public domain. I emailed the museum for permission, but if not, I will use a photo.