Sometimes I find myself wondering what it’s like to have sex with Joel Osteen. I don’t think I’d enjoy it, all that smiling. Hmmm.

Sleep is still eluding me and suddenly, once again, I am afraid my poems all sound the same. Am I using the same words and talking about the same things in the same way? That cannot be true! Can it? Irrational fear number five million seventy-two and counting.

I’m seeking out a few cafe places to write my short stories

What’s in My Wallet …

I gots me:

• two katanas
• fifty-five shurikens
• one purple glowing ninja outfit (I don’t care if they see me coming)
• one foldable 2×4
• one taser tennis racquet (set to kill)
• many monkey wrenches
• party ants

Let’s get it on!

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Did somebody say the gang bang girl is stuck in traffic?
…
Put me coach! Put me in! I’m ready to save the day.

I’m gonna be a porn star in real life when I grow up

Speaking of gang bang … I’m done collecting all my raining men (not to be confused with rain men). We got married last weekend. The consummation is taking longer than expected. I can only do five guys a day, which will increase with practice. Soon, I will introduce you to my thirty-five brother husbands.

I don’t need many more but I want extra for when I get bored. Plus a few are crippled – I must give them away or end them. I tried to hand one off to my neighbour, but even she didn’t want him, and she’s a fetal alcohol syndrome baby, you’d think she’d be desperate.

Lovin’ the D!

I’m packing my bag for the office tomorrow.

It’s 7:10 PM
do your loved ones know you love them?
Are you sure?

Even if you are, tell them anyway!

And don’t forget to empty the trash people from your life

Tue Jan 30

Feature photo by Massimiliano Morosinotto on Unsplash

© 2024 Samantha Williams. All Rights Reserved.