North Star

I was reading about what happens to the brain when you get knocked out then we saw a highlight fight and Dre reminded me that we were at St. Louis for that fight and I jumped up from the table and yelled, “Oh!” That was UFC 239 Jul 2019 – fastest knockout in UFC history at the time @ five seconds. Crazy!

Dee went to a zine show and got me the first one in the image below. No Thanks, I’m Saving Myself For Pizza. (appropriate). The other two I bought at an art installation a few years back. I just found out they’re zines last weekend. Sometimes I forget everything has a name. “I thought of you as soon as I saw it!” she said, and we laughed. Then I wanted pizza.

Many years ago, before deciding I needed to learn to draw, I wanted to make postcards with silly sayings or thoughtful shit; then Dee could draw some cool thing for it, but zines might work better. I’m still deciding. But I like the idea of a postcard – it’s a glimpse into a moment/memory, like a photo.

FYI – The corner store guy knows that my favourite ice cream is Haagen Dazs Vanilla Bean and Strawberry. When I go there to buy other junk, sometimes he says, “No ice cream today?” And I’d laugh and say, “Not today!” (I’m turning into my dad – I’m gonna tell you the same stories over and over and over and over and over and over and …)

ART DO OVER SOAPBOX

Currently redoing my What Are You Using Your Words For art – making it like Morley’s. I may re-post it in various ways till it feels right and it’s rooted in my head as a reminder to be responsible. My courage to speak is growing. So … even when I suspect what I have to say may be inappropriate or unpopular or unsettling, I will continue, and deal with the positive and negative consequences of having that freedom – which is a gift. People die for it, and many don’t have it – As I exercise my superpowers, I will never forget that!

SAM v4.8.9

I haven’t been going crazy buying shit and this doesn’t feel like a phase. I still browse Amazon and put things in my cart, but I don’t check out. An interesting term “check out.” Because maybe before I check out, I’ve already checked out. Now I know I need to be vigilant when browsing on Amazon. Kinda like how you need to be vigilant in the jungle. I want to avoid getting eaten by my impulsivity because it causes many downstream issues.

A few days back, I reviewed everything on my wishlist and realized, “Hey! I am alive and well without this thing and that one! The world didn’t end – even though it felt like it was going to.” 

Six items are in my cart at the moment, five are books, and one is woodless pencil crayons but I can look at them and walk away. Put my phone down, knowing everything will be ok. The urgent need to buy is gone. Austin Kleon talks about living below your means and I love the idea, maybe that’s what’s helping me to make the shift because I don’t need more things (books excluded, lol). In the past, I’d go to the library and used bookstores often – I need to do that again. Oooh – I wonder if the library is looking for volunteers?

My aim is to feel lighter emotionally, mentally, and meta/physically (FYI-still working on my weight). Plus, with what I am learning from the PMI transformation course, I am thinking more frequently about my personal transformation and north star – What do I stand for? What matters most to me? Who do I want to be?

By the way – I am saving myself for pizza and when we have sex I will tell you all about it!

Fri Dec 02, 2022