Can You Dig It

Fri May 06, 2022

You’ve heard it all before:

This morning I was lying in bed, reflecting. Taking stock of my life when I realized that I recently overspent, although I maybe did not acknowledge it because … idk. I feel like a child who buries their head in the dirt – If I cannot see it, then it is not happening. I don’t understand how I am comfortable confronting certain things and not others? 

Avoiding the scale isn’t going to help me get to my feel-good weight. Avoiding my financial statements isn’t beneficial in getting me fiscally fit. 

I am choosing to be whole-heartedly honest with myself. I will no longer use avoidance as a mechanism for coping with my unhealthy habits. I will admit my undesirable behaviours to myself and continue looking for ways to counter my impulsive, suggestive behaviour. This, I believe, will help me make better decisions, especially in the moment.


Also, I wonder if I could harness my ability to quickly change my mind to help with decision-making. For example, as lightning fast as I can make wrong decisions, can I make the right ones for myfutureself? That should be possible right? And I don’t want to be the person who blames others for the bad decisions I make. I think that is irresponsible. When it’s all done, my body and wallet will be impacted.

At the same time, I don’t want to go through life, I cannot go through life, avoiding things that may tempt me … movies (Oooh alcohol), TV shows, commercials (Oooh pizza), and people (Oooh sex – Oooh food). 

I still make impulsive purchases:

  •  Bought two hippos (unplanned spend)
    • Now having two hippos means higher monthly pet food expenses – which did not occur to me at the moment
  • Books (I totally could have waited to get Grimm’s Complete Fairy Tales)
  • Zoey was an unplanned spend
  • Fast food

Books double as art in my mind – especially cool-looking books and oversized books and coffee table books and picture books. Some books act as references. Some give me ideas for stuff to write when I feel stuck. Some give me life lessons and others are just fun to have around. I wonder if they make pop-up books for adults?

The three favourite used bookstores I loved are gone now. Must find new ones! I think used book stores are attractive. In addition to being a book reader, I am also a book collector. Have I always known that?

Hung out with my GF on Zoom for like an hour – I hope I don’t have COVID again but I might – been sneezing and coughing and sniffling – can’t take allergies or the common cold as granted anymore.

There’s lots of work-work to do this weekend and also an event to go to so I will do a rapid test in the morning. Dre has an MRI at 1:00 am – I might not make it.

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