At first, I was the only one in the waiting room, then a lady came. Receptionist and she, that made three. You can’t play Duck, Duck, Goose with three people!!! So I decided … you know what, we are going to have to put patient care on hold for a moment. I got on the intercom, “Everyone. This is a DDG emergency. Haul ass to the waiting room PRONTO!!!” Using acronyms sounds official and makes people nervous.
To further impress the urgency, I knocked on all the doors mad hard. Within minutes, ten people were in the waiting room …. Shhhhhhhit. I wasn’t expecting this many people so early in the morning. Now we gotta go play outside. I caught everyone up.
“People! This is a DDG drill. Line up in an orderly fashion and leave your belongings here. We will take a five-minute walk over to the field, stretch, and then get our drill on. Got it!”
“How long is this going to take! I need to finish my appointment and get back to work!” Someone always gotta spoil shit with the realisticalities.
“This is bigger than you bitch! Shut the fuck up!” I continued, “NOBODY BETTER NOT HAVE NO MORE QUESTIONS! GOT IT! DROP YOUR SHIT; LET’S GO RIGHT NOW!”
While walking over to the field, I explained the rules. Some folks knew how to play, but most others didn’t. People started talking about their bad knees, hips and backs. FUUUUUUUCK!! I told them we’ll do a practice run to ensure everyone understands how to play.
Getting them to sit in a circle was a maddening chore. People were grumbling about not wanting to sit on the ground. Some feared they wouldn’t be able to get up. One man, “I’m not sitting down; I can’t get grass stains on my clothes.”
Unbelievable!!! I stared at him till he got uncomfortable, then I said, “Bitch, if you don’t sit down right now, I kill y’er whole family.” The pre-stare made him know I was serious.
Finally!!! Got everyone sitting in a nice big circle, we were ready to start. Hip hip !!! My alarm goes off. “Alright, everyone, you’re free to go. I gotta get back for my massage.”
“You’re it!” I tag my massage lady, and we race back to the clinic. I don’t know about everyone else, but I had fun!!!
Moral: Don’t play with people!Sam