Journal

Journal Entry – Sun Oct 4

You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is for me to pick a toaster. Gosh. Attractive toasters there are few. Does stuff like this happen to other people? It’s a frickin’ toaster for God’s sake! But form matters to me – maybe a bit too much. I can hear myself saying, “Just pick one, you’re being ridiculous.” But I can’t just pick one! I have to pick the right one! Oh the agony! This is why I still don’t have a disco ball – I just can’t decide.

Another 24hr fast completed. 👏👏👏 – I did it! As I get older exercising alone isn’t gonna cut it. I need to be mindful of what I eat. I love the smell of plum wine.

You know, there some strategy involved in Scrabble, like trying to anticipate where your opponent will play next and not opening too many triple and double word scores, or if you do open one, you make sure you can take advantage of the next, or you block their ability to use that spot or holding onto your esses, “S.” The thing I find most infuriating, is when I have a seven letter word and no place to put it. I absolutely hate that! I just wanna throw my phone. I feel like if I keep winning all my games, no one is going to want to play with me anymore. My Scrabble Stats:

  • 67 knockouts (you could also call them wins, but why!)
  • 10 losses
  • Average game score = 402
  • Highest game score = 520
  • 7 tiles played = 76 times

“All I do is win, win, win, no matter what!” “By the time I get to Phoenix” I’ll be at the top of the leaderboard 🙂

I love Zoom! I am looking for a sticky toffee pudding recipe – the traditional kind that you’d get at an English pub.

Its October! My favourite month because horror movies abound. If it weren’t for COVID I would have bought tickets to the Toronto After Dark Film Festival – hopefully we will have it in 2021. I wish they did a virtual event, where you could rent the movies from home or do an all access pass to stream the movies.

Dee is like a hot pot fiend – we had hot pot dinners twice this week already, another is planned for today ( see pics below). I think the term “hot pot” is Chinese in origin. Last week we had budae jjigae, (army base stew). Any time you see “jjigae” it means stew and/or soup (I’m sure about stew not so sure about soup). The US military introduced spam to Koreans and spam is an ingredient in budae jjigae.

Dee watches recipe videos on YouTube, I mostly use cookbooks. When she was little, like pre-tween, Food Network was her favourite channel 🙂

Hot Pot Dinner – Dee and her gf prepared this one – The broth was sooooo hot!!!!!!!! – A million chillies. Devil spice (according to Matt) My lips are numb and my entire face is burning – in a good way :).
This is the melt-in-your-mouth Korean style short ribs I was telling you about. 30 seconds on each side, depending on how “done” you like your meat. Look at the marbling, isn’t it beautiful! I don’t think I could ever go back to being vegan.

BTW – There’s a huge 12 ft donkey statue, named Primrose with pink casts on her front feet, very cute – I think the installation is permanent at the corner of Bay and St. Joseph streets so you should go see it.


Lecture 5: Evil and Responsibility

Children as young as three can tell the difference between moral and conventional rules. Conventional rules are rules that individuals and social groups create, e.g. stopping at red lights and sports related rules. Moral rules are in place irrespective of whether we say so or not, e.g. hitting someone in the face with a baseball bat is wrong no matter what (unless you are fighting for your life). In the eighties a study was done on children as young as three:

The teacher told them that they don’t have to raise their hands for permission to ask a question (a conventional rule) – The children all agreed with this new rule. The next new rule the teacher introduced was, if you get the urge to hit your classmate in the face, for whatever reason, it is alright to do so. All the children seemed bothered by this rule, and none of them agreed to it. Even though they were so young they already seemed to instinctively understand that this was a moral rule they couldn’t break. Psychopaths don’t know the difference between moral and conventional rules, they can pretend to know but they truly, really don’t.

There is no universal agreement on causes or how to diagnose psychopathy nor the relations between psychopathy and other personality disorders. According to the Mayo Clinic:

Sociopathy = “a mental condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others … [Sociopaths] tend to antagonize, manipulate or treat others harshly or with callous indifference”

Psychopaths = “are extreme sociopaths who also lack feelings of remorse, guilt, shame and any sense of empathy. The lack of empathy is due to their inability to recognize moral facts, meaning they cannot reliably distinguish between conventional and moral rules … psychopaths are not just dangerous, they are also cruel, they frequently enjoy forcing others into submission.”

All psychopaths are sociopaths but not all sociopaths are psychopaths. So technically, although psychopaths are causally responsible they are not morally responsible so they can’t really be called evil.

It is difficult to say that anyone who is not responsible in some morally relevant sense is evil. This is because calling someone evil is to acknowledge them as an active member of a moral community. Being an active member of a moral community is different from being a passive member. Passive members are humans and animals worthy of moral consideration. e.g. Pets are passive members of the moral community because we expect owner to be kind, not cruel, to their pets.

Active members have certain obligations to passive members—obligations that an animal does not have. Active members are responsible for failing to live up to those obligations, whereas an animal isn’t.

This sounds to me like it is ok to call psychopaths animals, but I think the better term is passive member. AND psychopaths, just like those who are mentally ill, cannot be called evil, although what they do can be considered evil.


I was looking through the catalogue of what course to take next, I never dreamed that defining evil would be so layered and complex. I already have my next two courses lined up, Understanding the Brain and Your Deceptive Mind: A Scientific Guide to Critical Thinking. I think my diagnosis is causing me to explore this area more. I took the first one before but I think it will be even more interesting now with my new lense.

I took a critical thinking course in college that I enjoyed very much. I still have the textbook. I was one of those people, I never sold my books back.

Your Brain – The Final Frontier!

Do you believe in reincarnation? Do you think you were reincarnated, if so, who were you in your past life? I feel like I could have been an Asian Prostitute. The kind of Geisha that slept with her clients. (given what I know about Geishas which isn’t much).

I am in no way being disrespectful to Asians or Geishas or Prostitutes.

André has come to the realization that, “it’s not school that I don’t like. It’s how the courses are taught – They are so robotic it’s hard for me to maintain interest and they become boring. I’d like to develop a program for kids like me because we just learn differently, but people think we’re not as smart.”

I told him to run with that and think about what the program would look like and record his ideas (it’s hard for him to write, he said it takes a lot of energy and focus and his fingers hurt because he grips the pencil so tight). I reminded him of speech to text and told him I will see how I can support him.

It’s gonna be bedlam tonight – I’m enforcing the 10 pm device shut down for the boys. Although I’ve provided several reminders, and given them the opportunity to regulate themselves, I know they are going to tell me they don’t remember and it isn’t fair and blah, blah, blah. I wanted it to be 9 pm but I lost that negotiation. Win-Wins are hard to come by in this house, according to the boys.

Teenagers are so unreasonable! UGH!!!

I’m gonna watch Scare Me (2020) on Shudder. Two writers telling each other scary stories during a power outage, by the fire, in a cabin, in the woods 🙂

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