Jun 24 – Journal Entry

I know when my psychiatrist asked me if I needed help with my drinking, I told him I could stop whenever I wanted to. Maybe I can’t and I do need help – I feel shitty and everything sucks. 

It’s another one of those days when I don’t feel like myself, and I don’t know why. Emotionally unwell 😦  

At least my neck and shoulder feel better – I even got a head massage from my massage lady. I should remember her name. I almost cancelled because I didn’t feel like going outside. But I made it!

I made Budae Jigae (Army Base Stew) from Maangchi’s cookbook – Korean cook lady. I should have taken a picture. I love spam. Apparently, the US Army introduced spam to Korea during some war – Korean history, according to Maangchi.

“Slutbag” is also a term of endearment among the boys – I don’t get it. They are playing Rayman and they are obsessed with height – André is 6′ at 16 and Matt is 5′ 7″ at 14. 

I am ~ 5′ 4″ at 46. I am not growing anymore. If I could live my life over, I would have at least one home birth in an inflatable pool. They say that water births are less traumatic for babies.

BTW – trying to illustrate via collage via Procreate is a pain in the butt. So I am not even going to continue trying. First, it took forever for me to even find the right pics, then once I traced them, I didn’t like the final product. I asked my daughter if she wants to illustrate my poems. Waiting for reply. At the same time, I know I can be annoying with trying to “do” perfect and anything she produces that isn’t exactly as I see it, won’t sit right with me.

Watching Lyle (2014) on Shudder. 

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Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

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