May 3 – Journal Entry

I did the eHarmony quiz, and I didn’t even get the results – it just started finding matches for me. That wasn’t my intention – Then I was presented with a 48-hour special, 50% off the plan of my choice. Leave me alone. Hmmm – a part of me wonders if I am afraid of commiting, but why? Although I may not be ready to pay, I feel like it is good to pay because if you are paying then you are serious about finding someone. Right? I mean the reason I don’t want to pay is that I am not sure. I feel conflicted, but I will leave that to sort itself out. 

I have 32 hrs left to decide

I don’t like to see men doing yoga – I know that’s sexist but I just don’t need to see a guy in certain poses.

So … the mathematician – I don’t think I like him anymore. Actually, I don’t know if I liked him in the first place. We talked for about 30 minutes today – he wasn’t laughing as much but he doesn’t listen very well either. Why ask me a question if you’re going to interrupt me in the middle of the answer.

He said I could call him anytime and he hopes I will give him my number soon. He offered to meet me somewhere – we could keep our distance – I don’t know though.

I shortened my POF profile message – I removed all the random crap. Well it wasn’t crap, but it wasn’t necessary. Plus, I have to remember that I’m writing for men – Short, concise statements, preferably bullet points, would be best. As a single parent, your children can tell when your routine changes. André asked me if I will introduce him to the guys I meet this time. “NO! Why?” He’s curious. 

I love true crime stories and a recurring theme is men prowling and peeping. Women, please close your blinds when the sun goes down. When it’s dark out, as soon as you turn on the lights, people can easily see into your home. When you’re out, walk in well-lit areas, don’t take short cuts through alleys and fields. Take a self-defense class. But your best defense is a great offense (I think I’m using that saying right in this case).

I know a lot of women may not agree with me. They may say, “I should be able to go where I want when I want. If I want to leave my blinds and windows open, I should be able to.” Why make yourself a target? Until we can sprout adamantium claws like Wolverine or have bear traps around our private parts that spring shut automatically from unwanted advances, please don’t put yourself in harm’s way.

 You should watch Teeth (2007) – but bear traps are better. Not all peepers become serial killers, but almost all serial killers started as peepers, or that was part of their dysfunction. I leave you with a joke – this is the funniest joke Joe Bob delivered so far, IMO.

Ok. Guy goes into a dive bar. He notices a large jar on the counter, it’s filled to the brim with 10$ bills. Gotta be thousands of dollars in the jar. Ok. So the guy asks the bartender, “What’s up with this jar?” and the bartender says, “Well, you pay 10$ and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar.”

The guys says, “Well, what are the three tests?” The bartender says, “I can’t tell you, you gotta pay first.” So the guy forks over ten bucks, and the bartender puts it in the jar, and he says, “Ok. Here’s what you need to do. First, you have to drink that gallon of pepper tequila. The whole thing. All at once. Second, there’s a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands. And third, there’s a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never had an orgasm. You gotta give her an orgasm.”

So the man is stunned, and he says, “Ok. But no. I know I paid the ten bucks, but no, I’m not doing any of that. I, I’m not an idiot. The bartender says, “Ok. Your call.” So the guy has a few drinks, then he has a few more drinks. He keeps thinking about that money. Finally, he says, “Where’s that tequila?” And the bartender slides that gallon jar down to him. He grabs it with both hands, and he downs it in about twenty seconds. Tears are streaming down both cheeks.

The guy has a couple more drinks. He’s still thinking about that money. So after a while, he gets up from the bar, and he staggers out the backdoor where the pitbull is chained up. Suddenly everybody in the bar hears this hellacious scuffle out back. There’s barking, there’s growling. The guy is screaming. The pitbull is howling, and then suddenly, there’s silence.

They wonder if the guy is dead. ‘n about then he staggers back into the bar. His shirt’s ripped. There’s bloody scratches all over his body and he says, “Ok. Now. Where’s the woman with the sore tooth?” 

Joe Bob Briggs Drive-in: Week 4: Madman episode on Shudder.

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