… So I said, “Two black guys did it, officer. It’s always one or two black guys, and they all look alike. Just arrest anybody. Common now.”
My shitty work life
So … I must get this off my chest. My boss gets upset when we don’t go to the office; he will complain to me when my co-worker is not there, and I assume he does the same thing to my co-worker when I’m not there. (why would I expect him to be different, I’m not special).
He also gets upset when I plan my life around my work calendar, which is something that I have always done and never got in trouble for it anywhere else, ever, Because it makes sense and it shows that I care about my work and our clients, but here, nope. It’s something that the boss does, and the grumpy sales guy does, but for some reason, when I do it, the boss has a problem.
We used to have a big office where people could easily go off into a different room to do focus work, and when we first moved to this location, we had two offices, so he could go off and have his loud, private meeting and leave Jer and me alone.
For whatever reason, after COVID, or around that time, he decided he wanted one corner office. We are in this open-concept living room space, I will measure it and tell you what the square footage is.
Before, I didn’t mind listening to him talk and having him interrupt me with random Instagram shit because there wasn’t a lot of project-related work, and I’d already established the PMO and the processes that nobody follows. That’s a whole other story.
At one point, I even asked him how he could justify keeping me. I also asked him if he’s a narcissist; I think I told you about that one already.
PMI would implode if they saw what I was reduced to.
sam
Yesterday, I was trying to focus because I’m making some adjustments to try and fit how he manages projects, but he was sharing his screen with the sales guy and reading emails he was working on out loud. I put my headphones in, but he’s so fuckin’ loud I can hear him over the music, I’d have to rupture my eardrums to escape his voice.
So I told him I could hear him over my music, and his response was to tell me to leave. Now, I don’t know if he meant leave the office and go home or leave and go bug the receptionist to unlock a room that I shouldn’t be using so that I can get some work done. But for the next hour, I just went surfing.
This location doesn’t have breakout rooms or private booths – there are two conference rooms you can book in advance. They are always unlocked, but I don’t like using them because I could have to leave in the middle of my work if someone has the room and there’s no way for me to tell.
There is also a waiting area, which I will go to sometimes, but I need my second monitor; working with pivot tables and formulas while referencing other documents is a pain in the ass on a 15″ laptop.
Sometimes, he makes these little criticisms about me; on Thursday, he told me that I would bring up things we already talked about in meetings, no examples, of course, just rando shit coming out of his anti-social personality disordered mouth.
As the PM, I need to make sure things are clear to me and everyone else; I will clarify who is doing what and try to get due dates, etc. … you know, PM shit. I’ve learned that not everyone speaks up, even when you ask, so if I am not crystal clear, it’s possible others might not be as well, but they might not feel comfortable saying so.
Keeping in mind what I am learning about autism, masking and ADHD, I told him right then, when I do something that bothers him because that’s what it comes down to, maybe he feels like I’m taking away his shine in meetings, tell me at the moment, even if we are in a client meeting, say, “Hey sam, we already covered XYZ. This is what we decided.” (when it comes to the meeting shine thing, I imagine him pouting and saying, “Wah! Wah. I didn’t get to do enough talking!”)
There is no shame or embarrassment in that for me; sometimes, the grumpy sales guy will correct or redirect me, and I appreciate those moments because I’m learning. And who knows, too? Maybe that is why I ask a lot of questions and approach people with options. The client can always choose, I don’t tell them what to do. I just inform them of what that means for the project.
I know now that there are things I do that I am not aware of. If it is about coaching and adjusting my behaviour, I am all for it. But he doesn’t like the idea of correcting me at the moment because it has already happened, and we are in a client meeting. I don’t care! If the grumpy sales guy can do it, so can he – but my guess is, there was nothing to correct he’s just talking shit out of his narcissistic mouth.
On Thursday, I couldn’t do my focus work because I had to listen to him draft emails out loud.
One thing I continue to realize and is constantly reinforced by his behaviour is that our values are very different – they are so misaligned. FYI: I am the only PM who’s lasted this long in the history of the company.
He doesn’t value the expertise I bring or my attention to detail. Last I checked, if you are acting as a project lead, paying attention to the little things matters. And as a director of the PMO, paying attention to details and improving processes is what I take pride in.
There’s big pic time and deets time.
sam
Simple as that.
Anyhow, in my usual way of coping … I have a joke about my office life.
🚨 BREAKING THE NEWS 🚨
Scientists Discover a Productivity Black Hole in a Toronto Office
Researchers have confirmed the existence of a Productivity Black Hole in a small, open-concept office, where workers are physically present yet accomplish absolutely nothing because the boss sucks all the love-of-work light out of their lives.
We will explore some key findings and examples from the report now.
- Calendar Distortion: Employees attempt to plan their vacation, but time bends to the whims of a single loud voice. For example:
- Boss: sam, I don’t understand why you are looking at your calendar to decide when you should take a day off. Only I’m allowed to look at your calendar and everyone else’s calendar to plan my life because you all revolve around me. My work-life balance! Not yours, not anybody else! Mine!
- The Noise Singularity: No amount of headphones can escape the gravitational pull of a boss reading emails out loud. For example:
- Boss – connecting with the sales guy before drafting his email: Dude. Stop whatever the fuck it is you’re doing, and get on this with me right now. You’re my emotional support animal, I can’t draft emails without you.
- Boss – reading an email he is drafting out loud: Dear valued customer … COMMA … we are reaching out to you today because we are running an exclusive promotion … COMMA … no wait, that should be a … PERIOD … and let me change that to we are exclusively running a promotion … PERIOD … Hmmm, should I add ‘for a limited time only’… IN BOLD, ITALICS, ES-CLAIM-ATION MARK …
- Workplace Paradox: Employees are required to be present, but their presence prevents them from doing any meaningful work, especially where focus is required. For example:
- Boss: Hey, you guys, I have a meeting in one minute, and you can’t hear this; find somewhere else to work.
- Me: One minute!!! That’s not even enough time for me to gather up all my stuff
- Boss: I really don’t care. I’m the boss. If I need private time, you leave, not me.
- Example 2:
- Boss: Hey guys, look at this picture of my kids
- Boss – 15 min later: Hey guys, look at this article about it snowing one time in a desert far, far away
- Boss – 15 after that: Hey guys, look at this video of my kids being cute
- Boss – 15 after that: Hey guys, look at this interesting thing I found on Instagram about ants
- Me: But I’m trying to get this work done before I leave today
- Boss: This ant video is more important. Get over her.
- Me: Ok.
- The Quantum Complaining Effect: The boss simultaneously complains about an employee not being in the office while making it impossible for them to work when they are. For example:
- One week:
- Boss: Hey Jer, have you noticed sam’s not in the office again today.
- Jer: We don’t have a flex/work policy, you’ve talked about it, but we don’t have one
- Boss: Well, in my head, we do, and I like it that way cause I can change the policy whenever I want.
- Another week:
- Boss: Hey sam, have you noticed Jer’s not in the office again today
- Me: The kids are sick, and he needs to help his partner
- Boss: I really don’t care. It’s his day to be in the office. Why isn’t he here?
- Me: I just told you.
- Boss: I really don’t care. It’s his day to be in the office. Why isn’t he here?
- One week:
One expert suggests the only escape is remote work, but management has deemed that “against company culture/policy”—despite offering no proof that company culture or policy exists. If any of these things sound familiar, you may also have a Productivity Black Hole at your office.
Thanks for tuning in, we leave you with this appropriate song …
🎶 Shitty boss. Shitty boss. Shitty boss. 🎶 – Aggretsuko
And bossman,
sam
for the record,
your behaviour says everything about you
and absolutely nothing about me.
If I don’t have a job next week, you will know why. 😆 I’m gonna laugh while I can. Yo. I’m gonna channel this shit and write a bunch of skits or outrageous blackouts and runners. Maybe I will start a separate post – why not. Sometimes I write things in my Friday journal that I later post separately – That breaking news above and moral Spotify shit deserve their own posts. (I’m gonna do that right after this.)
About Boundaries
Timely for a number of reasons! From my best gf, Ms. Sharon:
I want to take this time to remind you that when things happen where people make you feel uncomfortable or much, much worse. Tell somebody. It’s natural to feel a whirlwind of emotions, embarrassed, ashamed, and somehow at fault, but still tell somebody because predator bullies rely on your shame, self-blame and silence to continue doing what they do, but the shame and embarrassment always lie with them. Always with them. Never ever with you, the survivor.
You make it out alive, and that alone makes you stronger already. Predators thrive on our discomfort and self-doubt. They rely on our silence to continue their harmful behaviours.
Fuck you, you predator shit piece! You fucking garbage –
sam
I’m throwing you outta my life.
My wounds will heal
But you will always be a stinkin’ rotten
soul-leaching maggoty cesspit of decay
My wounds will heal!
Now you have a ready-made mantra to give you the strength to speak up. Or you can replay a song. Songs help me move forward.
And remember that person’s behaviour
Focus on what/who you still have and where you are going – that helps and finding the jokes along the way
says everything about them
and nothing about you
I wish I could share with you
the ease at which I can cut people out of my life.
As simple as spitting out gum that’s no longer flavourful.
It’s always been very easy for me to do.
I wish I could give everyone that ability.
At the same time, I recognice that it’s not simple in every case, because with some people,
like a shitty boss or spouse, it’s far more complicated.
The Science Behind Shame and Silence
Research indicates that shame is a common response to trauma, often leading survivors to remain silent. This silence can exacerbate feelings of isolation and helplessness. However, breaking this silence is a pivotal step toward healing.
Studies have shown that disclosing traumatic experiences, especially in supportive environments, can significantly reduce psychological distress. Sharing your story not only lightens your emotional burden but also diminishes the power the perpetrator holds over you.
Empowerment Through Disclosure
While the decision to speak out is deeply personal and can be daunting, I really want you to recognize its transformative power. By telling someone you trust—a friend, family member, or professional—you take the first step toward reclaiming your life. Your voice is a potent tool. By speaking up, you not only pave your path to healing but also empower others to do the same.
Action Steps
- Identify the Toxicity: Reflect on relationships and situations that consistently bring negativity into your life.
- Set Boundaries: Then, as much as you can, distance yourself from individuals who don’t respect your boundaries.
- Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance, support and understanding.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that your feelings are valid, and prioritizing your well-being is essential.
Final Thoughts
Removing the “trash” from your life is not just about eliminating external negativity but also about silencing the internal critic that feeds on shame and self-blame. Embrace your voice, share your stories, and remember: the shame is theirs, not yours.
Enjoy your weekend and your authentic life.
Image by Victor Salazar from Pixabay
© 2025 Samantha Williams. All Rights Reserved.
