This just in!
Since renaming The Gulf of Mexico to America, Trump has removed certain letters from the alphabet. We now go live to a speech already in progress,
“… Yes, that’s right. L, G, B, T, Q, I, A, + is no longer a word in the American alphabet. The Ministry of Truth Social is also removing bi, trans and X. Sorry, E, my friend, but you must rename your stuff pronto …”
The Bureaucratic Word Counter interrupted, “Sorry, sir, pronto is not an American word. We must fire whoever wrote your speech and update the American Lexicon.”
As Trump speaks, a flat screen displays the no longer allowed words, letters, and symbols.
“Thank you, loyal Word Counter. Where was I? The word X is a form of protest. Malcolm used it; radicals used it, and people used it to indicate gender inclusivity … what even is that? We simply cannot allow it to remain in America. And speaking of protest, I am making the executive decision to remove that letter now, too.”
Reporters raise their hands, but Trump motions to lower them before continuing.
“Listen, we kept the imperial system when everyone moved to the other thing. We are making America Great again, and if that means going back to using pictures to communicate, that’s fine; we can make our own American emojis.”
Once again, the Bureaucratic Word Counter interrupted, “Sorry, sir, emoji is not an American word.”
Thank you for tuning in. At the moment, it is not clear how outlawing “+“ and “x” will affect mathematics.
We will keep you posted on new developments.
© 2025 Samantha Williams. All Rights Reserved.
