Taser Tennis Racquet

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Lately, when I pause and wonder if I should edit my content, I imagine a future where people are going to censor me and I think, “Better enjoy it while I can!” and that gives me permission to go ahead. So you need to go for it too, while you can!

If anybody/group ever asks me to apologize for anything I will start by saying …

Hello.

I am supposed to apologize for using the term “self-righteous religious animal fuckers” in reference to right-wing televangelists’ having dirty orgies with politicians and farm animals but I am not sorry.

I didn’t tell you to get offended. Unless … you are having farm animal orgies.

Do you still want me to apologize?
If someone is apologizing isn’t it important for them to be truly sorry? WTF is going on

Back in the day, when the kids were getting potty trained, I never wiped their butts; I’d hose them down civil rights/riot police style. I’m surprised they survived.

Baby goat! Where forth art thou, baby goat? When I grow up, I will be a baby goat, and then I can take care of myself.

And also …

When I grow up, I’m gonna be a lunatic.
Baby Sam

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash

🎶 Shoo, fly, don’t bother me. Shoo, fly, don’t bother me. 🎶

If you have a fly bothering you who also happens to be human, swat it away with the new human-sized fly swatter.

Introducing my latest creation – the Taser Tennis Racquet, made from refurbished tennis racquets and, you guessed it, a taser. Just turn it on for the strings/wires and rim to become electrick-i-fied.

As soon as you pick up the racquet it will sense your annoyance level and set itself to Singe, Sear or Kill. Then all you gotta do is swing away. Aiming for the face/head area is most effective.

Disclaimer: We are putting a switch on the next version because some folks lost their partners and children – the racquet “supposedly” misread their intentions.

Electric wires leave burn marks!

Why do my finances always only look fabulous on paper? Why!

Dre will take over managing my money via spreadsheet. (Dad does that shit as a hobby – I only like setting up the document). Dee is gonna help me change my spending but sometimes I can do it myself by remembering her words – “Mom! Don’t go crazy.” Plus that time we went to AGO and I said, “Let’s go to the gift shop.”

“What do you need from the gift shop?”

“I don’t know but I might see something I like.”

“You already bought books this week. You don’t need anything else.”

And we didn’t go to the gift shop! Because if I went into the gift shop and saw something I liked but couldn’t buy, I wouldn’t be able to get that thing out of my head and it would haunt me and infiltrate my dreams and the desire to go back for this thing that I don’t even need that I didn’t even know existed will take over my life. (breathe … that really is what it feels like – shopaholic).

Thank you, Mama!

And BTW, do they call people who marry children pedophiles? If no, why not?

I’ve had a headache for two days – this nagging pounding at my templates. (what you mean, I know!) You know what I realized today – I can always audio record the posts I missed later. BTW: Insidious: The Red Door (2023) was garbage. You should watch Final Account (2021) on Netflix