Dating Undesirables

So … I’ve been thinking about dating. AGAIN. I’d have to take new photos. Problem is, I barely have clothes that fit; I might just take naked pics. If you like how I look naked, you shouldn’t have any issue with me fully clothed. Right? Although … my future calendar-quarter-life partner may not appreciate everyone seeing me naked. Mind you, I could just put a video out there; I believe since COVID, all sites have that.

Also, since thinking of dating, I been wondering of the horrendous habits I have picked up over the several many years of being alone. Like my need to rearrange shit on a whim

“Hey <term of endearment>, where are the dishes?”

“Audible heavy sigh! You ain’t got eyes muthafucka! Look fa dat shit!”

“Please don’t swear at me!”

“It’s a term of endearment bitch!”

Someone and Sam

Sounds abusive. For the record, I am not an abuser. As a kid, I always thought abuse was only physical. I know better now. I don’t believe I’ve behaved in an abusive manner to any of my exes; my anger was worse back then though. (remember I told you about one of my exes who called me a beast).

If anything, I could have been verbally abusive – then again, I don’t engage in name-calling or degrading. However, my candour could leave you crying. Usually, I calmly express dissatisfaction once or twice. Then when nothing changes, I end it. This is my vision of myself; obviously, if I earned the name beast, I must be forgetting something(s).


  • Listening to my bedtime serial killer/horror story podcasts.
  • Flossing in bed, then wrapping the flosser in tissue and leaving it on the side table till morning.


Sometimes when I am having a difficult time – for example, the other day, I might have been trying to lift a heavy thing or assemble a thing that was giving me a hard time, and I yelled, “FUCK MY ASS!” Dre happened to hear. You should have seen his face … lmao. “Sorry. I can’t get this thing to work/move.”

“You could ask for help.”

“But I like yelling ‘fuck my ass!'” lol – I didn’t say that, but I might have thought it.

Anybowel! I feel that would be something I need to stop saying. Especially if I meet someone who takes shit literally, like me. Do you have anything you want to do away with if a new person enters your life?

I took the afternoon off, and after laying in bed for a bit, I decided I wanted to change the layout of my room. I like the new look … I have a reading/meditating space which I love – it’s cozy, and I can still see outside even when sitting on the floor. Also, this new layout makes it easier to make my bed.

My stomach still feels icky, but I got this burst of energy, so I had to do something with it. Whenever in the process of rearranging my room, I always wish my bed wasn’t king-sized. I’d have so much more space.


I still feel weird bringing Someone into my space, and the boys are still at home, and it’s never how I imagine it. Too bad I can’t date my imagination.

I have a client meeting tomorrow – MUST.BE.PREPARED.

Mon Sep 19, 2022

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