Journal Entry – Wed Oct 7

My Nov 8 Caribbean cruise was officially canceled by Royal Caribbean – I am happy, not only cause I wasn’t comfortable going but since they cancelled, I don’t lose any money.

I don’t know why I felt the way I did about going back to work. I was in a frenzy for no reason. Well … My entire vacation went by – I told myself I would write every day. I wrote two meh poems. Can Prozac affect my creativity?

I woke up scared and realized I was dreaming about someone staring at me, but it was just a head. A partial porcelain white head – only from the bridge of the noise to the jaw line was visible and he (i believe it was a he) was inches away from my face and just hoovering. And I would try to turn to look away but it would follow me. (Ghostface Killah).

I was ready to go back to bed at ~ 1:30 pm OMG!!! But I stayed up. Finished work at ~ 4:45 pm then busied myself with chores, because sleeping for hours during the day is messing up my night time sleep. I thought I had it figured out. Everyday is a fight! UGH!!! Then I was agonizing over one stupid email – what to say, how to say, when to send it. I make mountains out of molehills all the time, it really wasn’t that serious but in the moment, like I just can’t help myself.

André left his bedroom door open and the stench just emminated into the hallway. Kinda like when you walk by a garbage dump, but you didn’t realize it was a garbage dump and you’re like “Ew what’s that smell?” OR when a homeless person comes on the subway – the train pulls in the station and you see a car that’s mostly empty, and you’re like, “Yeah! A seat during rush hour!” Then you get on the car, and you’re like, “Oh that’s why.” You smell the smell first then you see the homeless guy sleeping on the four seater. “Damn it.”

Matt wanted to go out and buy air freshener, it was that bad. I opened the windows wider instead. I just don’t understand how the smell doesn’t bother him – I think he stays out of his room long enough, at dinner or showers, to smell the smell when he gets back in, but … c’est la vie.

The boys got their crates from Kiwk Co – Matt made this electrical spin art thingy and André is building a ukulele. Plus, I forgot to tell you yesterday, André started keeping a journal. I am very excited, I’d like to think I was his inspiration but he probably saw it YouTube. Random question from Matt:

“Mom do you think it’s possible to strangle someone with dental floss?”

“Why!?” With my brows furrowed, I turn to scan him.

“I don’t know.” And he starts laughing.

What am I raising?

I am going to bed, suppose to have two client meetings tomorrow, so I gotta be sharp! On my S-Game.

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