I thought I was setting fire to the rain, turns out it was kerosene. Now I’m holed up in this fuckin’ burn unit. Do you get the picture?
Since the recent incident with B2, I’ve been thinking intentionally, with the help of Dee and my super smart gf (aka Nat), about non-compromisable partner traits. I kinda sorta know what I want, but with their help, I’m writing shit down. But before we get further into that, I gots me something else to share with you.
Nat gave me a few examples from her dating life because I often need concrete examples to understand certain concepts, and in one of those examples, she compared herself to a meadow with butterflies and the guy to a zoo.
Over the next couple of days, I got to thinkin’ ’bout what dating me resembles…
Dating me is like
Sam the Amusement Park
being in/at an established
Amusement Park
(not one of those fly by night road corner setups)
You got all sorts a
Rides
Foods
Games
Souvenir Shops
Live Entertainments
Picnic Areas
PLUS
A
Waterpark
And by the end of the day, you’re exhausted
probably have frost bite or heat stroke
but you can’t wait to return for more fun
I have serious insomnia this week.
On Tuesday, I fell asleep in the car while Bossman drove me and Jer to the London office for our first town hall of the year, then we went to the REC Room, where I had a bacon cheeseburger while talking to our office manager about my diet/lifestyle change failures. Oh hum!
While my co-workers were playing games I was buying a tee-shirt and checkin’ out dildos in a nearby store called Spencers. I asked the guy, “Can I return the dildo if it doesn’t work for me?”
“I think you can, but you have to do it through the manufacturer. You can’t bring it back to the store.”
Sex toys are expensive, and I don’t want to waste money.
Then I slept on the train ride back to Toronto. I been at Dee’s place since Tuesday. Me and my writing friends are planning to get together soon and I am picking poems for my next open mic.
Relationship MoSCoW
I’m doing this BA requirements style, instead of Gangnam. My Partner:
- Must Haves:
- Highly Intelligent
- Grounded (cause I’m all over the place)
- Sense of humour (dark humour not necessary but generally should be more silly than serious)
- at least allow me to be silly and playful
- Affectionate. Good with words and words of affirmation
- Openminded and open to frank, random convos about our relationship and anything from equipping ourselves for the zombie apocalypse to quantum physics, philosophy, art history, psychology, fringe science and everything on the outsides and in between.
- Spending quality time together (doing more than just chillin’ on the fuckin’ couch!)
- Sexually expressive and willing to experiment (with consent and within reason of course)
- and also willing to make my orgasm a priority
- Should Have:
- Multilingual (just because I love languages so very, very much)
- Won’t Have:
- Manipulator
- Verbally, physically or emotionally abruiser
- Hygienically retarded
- Homo/transphobic
- Xenophobic
Thu Jan 18
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