Today I am embracing my randomness and my love of misplaced words. I am not sorry! This is how my brain talks to me!
Ready?
In case you didn’t know hip-hop is fifty years old! We celebrating our birthdays! And next year I will be 52, but hip-hop will only be 51 because hip-hop doesn’t discriminate against odd numbers.
My name is Slady, and I came here to slay, but I suck, so I will slaughter instead! Yippie!
Also, it might surprise you to know this, but you cannot find monkey wrenches hanging out at monkey bars. I know! Totally unexpected for me too!
Do people who need coffee to get going in the morning brush their teeth first? If you brush your teeth, that will change the taste of the coffee right?
And also, if you need coffee to charge your battery, then coffee drinking must be the first thing you do? Well … after making the coffee, unless you have a coffee maker!
I only need music and mayonnaise spice to get me going in the morning!
When I grow up, I’m gonna be a Black Russian. I will gesticulate between the cocktail and the doggie.
You can’t afford me bitch! I ain’t never going on sail!
🎶
How much is that doggie in the window
The one with the waggly tail
How much is that doggie in the window
I do hope that doggie’s for sale
🎶
Yesterday I went to the office, and when I unlocked the door, Jesus Christ was sitting at my desk. Between gasps for air, I said, “What the hell! No way you made it here before me!”
He looked at me, smiled, and said, “You didn’t say it had to be a foot race.”
Doubled over, I made my way to the couch. “Jesus! What other kind of race could I possibly mean!? I don’t have a bicycle or a scooter, and I can’t teleport!”
He laughs and removes a bag of salt and vinegar popcorn from his cloak.
I shake my head. “Just don’t mess up my desk!”
I found my writing time, but I won’t get excited because it’s only been a day. Yesterday I wrote for about 40 minutes. Set a timer at twenty-minute intervals – starting sometime after 8:30 pm. Then I worked on a poem. And those boys, who are almost men, wouldn’t leave me alone …
Dear Personal Jesus: Please let something terrible happen to the boys. Like maybe they disintigerate as the loaches did because I really want the apartment all to myself! I missed the opportunity to sell them into sex slavery. I coulda been rich. Or maybe not so much cause thems Black! Get creative as you like - if they become zombies I can abandon/slaughterize them and no one will think me a bad mother! Your faithful servant! Sam
PMP, BITE ME
I’m enrolled in Digital Intelligence and Essential Finance Concepts for Non-Finance Professionals … That will give me 35.5 PDUs. When project management is no longer required for my day job, I look forward to saying goodbye to PMI – I’m not fuckin’ doing heart surgery or rocket photosynthesis – Nobody’s gonna die if my project fails!
Working as a project manager should be enough to maintain my certificate!
Most times I don’t put “funny” tag on my posts because I’m usually the only one laughing, but I might get lucky. I feel like summer is almost over.
Goodbye!
Wed Aug 16
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