Throw STIs From The Train

… And you get an STI. And you get an STI. But first, my rant!

The TTC never ever fails to disappoint me with its inefficiency. If I ever cause a medical emergency on the train, you have permission to leave me on the platform to die alone. 

I don’t get why everything has to stop for one person – The world does revolve around you when taking the train in Toronto. UGH – It’s possible it could have been a suicide, but they use different language those times – they say “emergency at track level.” not “medical emergency on the train.”

AND BTW – why is dying alone something nobody wants to do, like getting syphilis? (that’s my go-to STI cause it’s what my koala has. That’s why he’s crazed. You already knew that, but I like talking about it.) That gave me an idea …

STI TRADING CARDS GAME

HOW TO PLAY … Whatever you have, those are the cards you gotta carry at all times, like your license (mine still hasn’t come out from hiding, if you care to know). Date night! Clubbin! Cards out! Even at a dinner party; you must put your cards on the table. Sample scenario … You’re enjoying yourself at an outing, someone likes how you look, they approach you, and after a few minutes of small talk you both whip out your decks.

“That’s an interesting deck you got there. Hmmm! I’ll take your herpes and give you intestinal parasites.”

“Gross! But I wouldn’t mind getting the Human T-cell Lympho thingy! That sounds way cooler than intestinal parasites.”

“So you know, that’s not the T-Virus from Resident Evil. Everyone thinks it is.”

“Fine! Whatever. Just gimme HIV then!”

“Deal!”

Ok … well, I’m realizing this isn’t working out how I imagined because you’ll get everything that person has (if you’re lucky) – you can’t just pick one. Maybe I should call it an STI giveaway card game instead. AND I already have a perfect theme song for the commercials.

🎶 What I got, you got to give it to your mama
What I got, you’ve got to give it to your papa
What I got, you got to give it to your daughter …
What I got, you gotta get it put it in you
Reeling with the feeling, don’t stop, continue
Give it away, give it away, give it away now
Give it away. Give it away. Give it away now 🎶

Give It Away – Red Hot Chili Peppers

… Go get while the gettin’s good!

Tue Sep 27, 2022