Foreboding and Forgetfulness

I like making fat jokes. Does that make me a bad human?

Is it only ok to make fat jokes when you yourself are overweight? What about when I am not fat anymore, and I still wanna make jokes and laugh at fat people – do you think that will be acceptable?

Did I tell you Matt got a job? Today was his first day – said he had fun.

I totally messed up the car rental experience – I forgot to reserve the car – I remember starting, but I guess I never finished. I finally completed the reservation last night. We got to Enterprise, and the guy said he called to tell me they were all sold out, but I missed his call, AND I also forgot my license, so I guess it was good that they were sold out.

Feeling awful, I came home determined to find a rental and put my license back in my wallet (I moved it to my shorts pocket when we went for drinks last night, and before going to bed I thought, “I should put that back in my wallet!” … “Nah. It’s ok. I’ll remember tomorrow.”) Finally, with the help of a sales rep, we tracked down an SUV in the west end – I gotta go pick it up tomorrow morning.


I am confident I saw someone ready to commit suicide on the subway today. He was so young – early/mid-teens maybe. He was right at the front edge of the platform where the train speeds in, leaning forward and looking down at the track.

Then he turned around and started removing his backpack while also taking something out of one of the pockets – it could have been a folded-up piece of paper. I only got a glimpse of it, then he saw me staring at him, and I kept staring. He put the thing back in the pocket, zipped it up, put the strap back on his shoulder, turned around, and walked back to the edge of the platform. I thought about how I could grab him if I needed to.

When the train came in, he almost leaned into it and was so close. When we got on – I looked at him. Our eyes met again, and it was almost as if he knew that I knew what he was up to, and I just wanted to hug him. For some reason, I took a picture of him sitting with his legs crossed, rubbing and flicking some imaginary something off his thigh. I don’t know why I felt compelled to capture the moment. And I sorta smiled at him before getting off the train. He sorta smiled back.

I didn’t realize it then, but Dre noticed his behaviour too – he mentioned it to me once we transferred onto the other train.

I need to write a poem.

Fri Aug 19, 2022

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