Thu Sep 30:
Today is National Day for Truth and Reconciliation I went looking for my orange tee, thought I bought one but obviously it slipped my mind. I don’t have anything orange, not even a headband. My boss and our sales director wore orange tees. I’d like to write a poem, not just any poem but one that highlights the contributions Indigenous folks have made but I gotta educate myself first – I don’t have anymore bandwidth right now, but it’s on my to-do list.
This morning I woke up to a wolf on my ceiling … if I didn’t snap out of my dream he definitely would have bitten my face off. Wow we are 3/4 of the way through the year, looking back it feels like things moved quickly. This last quarter is going to be busy at work. I find that I love the exactness of programming – but that is what also makes it frustrating AF. I finished my latest assignments, it took me about 15 min to figure out what was wrong in the first one and I think I overcomplicated the solution for the second one, even though I got the right answer. I have have had two less lines of code if I did it with experience.
btw Ratatouille loves apples – do you think there are LGBTQ rats?
I had to force myself to draw today but I did it.
Wed Sep 29:
Hmmm … I think I am about a month ahead in the Python program if I finish week four in course one by the end of September. Cool right … The more I learn the more excited I get, I cannot wait to be able to apply Python in the wild. To be able to synthesize info from all over the place – woohoo! I haven’t spoken to our IT guy in a while. Hi Noah 👋
Would you rather be a human whisperer or a giraffe bather? I am afraid of heights so giraffe bather is not in the cards for me unless I only need to wash their feet. Today I thought my dad died. Cause my uncle contacted me and he never contacts me and I was supposed to get back to him when I got home but I fell asleep. So for whatever reason after waking that thought just popped in my head.
Dad is alright.
The Boy asked me if he could stay home tomorrow because a new season of Baki is coming out. I shouldn’t be surprised but I was cause we just had the conversation and an argument about doing shit. Watching anime doesn’t count. ugh. Good Lord!
Tue Sep 28:
I’m a high-functioning muthafucka! You betta recognize.
Sam
I was invited to my first project related client meeting in a long time but I’m not the lead, mainly there to offer administrative support.
You know I love my boss right. BUT … sometimes it is really stressful working with him cause when I try to get his attention on stuff, if it isn’t pants on fire, butt burning where’s the waterhose urgent, he doesn’t give it any attention but then when it is due last year so now it’s uber urgent AF, I have to rush through it and that stresses me cause I feel I am going to make a mistake and he also talks really fast at those times too. He’ll ask if anyone has questions, but everything is moving so fast I cannot think. At the same time, maybe it is good for me to get out of my comfort zone and out of my head cause when the zombie apocalypse comes I will look back on these interactions and be thankful as I will have to move and think fast.
FYI – sometimes I spell words so wrong even Google auto correct can’t help me. (I believe I’ve told you this before). Matt was listening to Frank Sinatra earlier today 🙂
I woke up at 7:00 pm and I was like, “Whoa! Did I sleep through the night?” Yesterday I managed to stay up until 9:30 pm but I still woke up multiple times even though I took 10 mg of melatonin, but I felt more rested than usual in the morning. Today I napped around 4:30 and I set my alarm for 5:30 pm but couldn’t get up when it went off.
I’m supposed to do a little bit of my Python course three days a week but I prefer to do three to five hours on Sat/Sun – This first course is seven weeks long and I have five more to go – I can’t wait to get to Retrieving, Processing and Visualizing Data with Python 🙂 OMG! OMG!
They say the entire specialization takes eight months to complete if you are doing three hours a week.
Mon Sep 27:
All day my head’s been hurting. It feels like my head is in a vice and it’s squeezing and squeezing – soon my brains are gonna bust outta my forehead and my eyes are going to exit their sockets like SpaceX rockets. lol 🎶 I feel shitty oh so shitty 🎶 Notwithstanding all of that, I made it though a very busy and rewarding day 🙂 We now have a first draft of our product vision statement. Sweet right !!!
I feel like I was in a lot of meetings today, but I wasn’t. It’s almost 5 pm and I’ve been up since 2:17 am but I made it through the day – Spoke to my doctor this morning and she suggested I start with small dosage of melatonin 1.5 hrs. before bed and attend a CBT for insomnia clinic. Plus to try and cut out my Zacnaps or take shorter naps. But I personally feel like my naps aren’t a problem, I had insomnia before I started taking Prozac. I’m glad my boss encouraged me to go to doctor. AND my dosage is going up to 80 mg.
Normally I usually jump back into bed right after I finish work anywhere from 2:30 to 4:00 pm depending on when I started work. Even on Wednesdays, when I get home, I wash my hands, get naked and jump into bed. lol. I’m trying really hard to not sleep but I’ll probably fall asleep standing up. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.
I got into an argument with the Boy yesterday – maybe that’s why I have such a massive headache today. I cried and after our argument I felt like eating junk or buying a bunch a shit but I did 20 jumping jacks instead. It helped. Plus, I cannot let him ruin my life.
Dré has a way of letting me know that I am a total failure as a mom and nothing I do helps him or has ever helped him in his entire lazy good for nothing life. Well … you’d think that would make him fuck off faster but nooooooooo. If I don’t do shit for you, if I’ve never done shit for you, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HERE!!!!
AND he does this thing where he can deflect the argument so it’s like we are not even focusing on his issues anymore but taking around them. He likes to compare himself to the things that I am bad at, like my overeating and my over spending and I find that so ridiculously stupid
… He ignores all the other things that I am fantastic at and my mostly flawless character lol … my work ethic, my adaptability, my drive, my knack for learning complex shit, my resilience, my determination, my kick ass sense of humor.
Sam
That’s like me ignoring all the great stuff that Elon Musk has done, is doing and saying well, Elon always wears his shoes on the wrong foot and he doesn’t wipe his butt properly (don’t ask me how I know) so if I can’t get up and go to work my boss should just deal with it and keep paying me cause you know, I been working on trying to get to work for five years – that should count for something right?!?!?! Fuckin’ ridiculous!
Plus … The Boy had the nerve to talk to me about his free time – you had free time your whole teenage life cause you ain’t been doing shit. Fuck your free time!
Fuckin’ douche! Why would you want to pick out the worse parts of someone and look at it and say .. ” you suck at that and I suck at this so it’s ok. I’m ok aspiring to doing my best sucking ever.” God! Anyway … I got us back on track by telling him something like, “Forget about what I cannot do cause this conversation isn’t about me. Whether I’ve slept or not I go work. I have obligations and I fulfill them.
So what are you going to do to fulfill your obligations? How long you been working on your sleep schedule?” In the end we got down to, him leaving the house Monday to Friday at 11:30 am – today was a success and I’m tracking that shit. You got the opportunity to make your own schedule, which most don’t get to do, you better fuckin’ stick to it.
Today we seem to be on good terms, he asked me about cost of getting his own place and paying bills … I told him again, “I don’t have a problem helping you until you’re fully on your feet, but not if you’re sitting in your room all day doing nothing.” He nods like he understands … until next time.
BTW – In the last seven years, being a mom to these boys has been a thankless piece of shit job that I can’t fuckin’ quit. I can checkout but I can’t quit. Shhhhhhhhhhit.
And for the record bitch: I’ve already achieved. I will continue to achieve in spite of what you believe about me cause that’s who I be! Fuck potential. What are you doing right now? What actions are you taking right now that’s going to make a difference in your life and the life of others?
Sam
Sun Sep 26:
Can you tell the state of a relationship by how the couple walk with each other in leisurely public places? Parks, trails, sidewalks, malls (malls might not be a good sample cause sometimes you are in a hurry and you may separate to get more done faster so you can get out of there quicker). Or that’s just me. Often I see “male” partners (an assumption) sitting in chairs waiting. I rarely see “females” doing the same.
As you know, I like watching people go about their business and making up stories.
FYI – my cash diet crashed and burned. I went back to using my credit card(s). I’m running a deficit, at least it’s not massive like/as the national one. I’m upset with myself. That’s probably why I had that dream about the delivery guy. I will try again. Vegan dough or die.
I am officially a Pythonista!!! Wrote my first one-liner statement today and submitted my assignment – week 2 done and dusted! Hooray!
Dré went out to buy a live rat for Avery. Brough the rat home and decided to keep it. Now we have Ratatouille in our living room across from the fish. AND he has to get another rat cause them is social animals like us AND now Matt wants two guinea pigs. I told them their pet food money is coming out of their food/food money.
This Procreate work isn’t done but I have a feeling I won’t be finishing it. Welcome to my bedroom!
I am going to hold off on calling myself a vegan for a little while until I am sure dairy isn’t in my diet. It’s the one thing that’s been difficult for me to avoid. Dairy in the form of butter/milk in baked goods and chocolate. Casein. I forgot about ghee and I had roti the other day (I don’t know if it had ghee or not cause I forgot to ask and it didn’t even occur to me until days later.) My mom always made roti with ghee so the percentage of it being in there is high.
I am good at remembering eggs, all meats, fish and even cheese but dairy sneaks in. It’s hard to see. I have to remember to read everything before I eat it. And I want to extend my vegan lifestyle to products I buy as well. I’d like to be a well rounded full moon vegan. For now me is a vegetarian who needs to make sure there is absolutely no animal products in any form in her diet.
Bonjour lundi.
Sat Sep 25:
Problem! Ready to make my second movie but realized I have nowhere to setup my greenscreen. Where I was going to setup doesn’t give me enough space to move the props about and stand up the camera. Have to reorganize so I can film when ready without having to worry about setting up every time. My filming spot. My old filming spot was the dining table. When I have my own place, I will have an art room that I will probably only use 25% cause I will do 90% my work in the living room with the TV watching me. (I like when percentages don’t add up to 100 and why should they!) [Data science! Here I come} lol!
I published my first erotic poem today – this is one of those ones where I write and feel I should keep to myself, but I promised no censorship of self. I haven’t read an erotic poetry but I plan to and I didn’t even know it was a thing until I thought to classify mine; I feel it could also be short erotic fiction, like a quickie. Erokie lol no. Sound too much like enoki. AND the poem is a bit disturbing – imagine someone was watching you and thinking all kinds a sex shit – creepy. When you think about the gender roles does the creepiness change? What about if there is a major age difference of 20+ years (but no one is under the age of consent)? Since I like this poem, hardly anyone else will 🎶 That’s just the way it is. Somethings will never change. 🎶
Speaking of reading, I haven’t read anything from my WordPress community lately. My arm still hurts from where they took my blood. Is that normal? Should I be concerned? I woke up stuck in my dream where a delivery guy was at my door telling me I’m ordering too many fatty foods and he was trying to convince me to change my eating habits and while we were standing in my doorway my hair kept growing and growing but only I noticed it, he just kept talking like nothing was happening.
This enneagram shit is confusing – I thought I was a five but now I think I’m an eight, maybe a seven … the more I read the more unsure I get; it’s not supposed to work that way. ugh. And then numbers and connected and disconnected and numbers point to other numbers and all numbers have wings. Why do I even care? I can’t even remember how I got here. I didn’t know about enneagrams last week, now it’s a big deal. smh.
Fri Sep 24:
Just finished week 1 of Python for Everybody! six weeks to go.
Did you know that Python’s been around for about twenty-five years? And it was named after Monty Python’s Flying Circus NOT the snake. I believe my love of languages can extend to programming languages as well right. The instructor is funny; at this moment I feel I picked the right language to learn and won’t let my incredibly, remarkably horrific experiences with Assembler, C and C++ worm its way into my learning. I will remember how great I felt once the compiler compiled after hours of frustration. Plus I feel I am a more patient being. Let’s see if I am still in love by week three. I’m looking forward to doing the assignments.
I already installed Python and I have to install an editor, like a Notepad++ or some other one they recommended for the course.
Ooooh … I have a ways to go before I can draw from real life but I am going to keep trying – got encouragement from Dee and Sabs. I will mix my real-life drawings with copying the masters and see what I can continue to learn from folks on YouTube. I think that will help cause I really want to be able to draw from real life and eventually from my fantastic imagination.
The Boy stayed home all day. I have to think about what I will do differently next week then I will have ANOTHER chat with him.
Thu Sep 23:
Yesterday I forgot to insert the page break but I liked how it looked without. When I start my October journal, I won’t use page brakes (screech!!!!)
I’ve come to the following realization: it is not that I don’t like color it is that I don’t know how to use color yet and this why I prefer my black and white art.
I was going to buy myself a heartrate arm band – with every beat of my heart I’ve always found the chest ones to be annoying. Anyway, I decided I will save up for a new Apple Watch instead.
Finally went out for my ECG, blood work and ultrasound. This old guy was getting his blood taken and said, “Doesn’t anybody smile anymore?” I smile all the time but if I were taking your blood I wouldn’t be smiling anymore. I’d likely be wincing and vomiting, Wincing when poking you with the needle and vomiting by the time the blood starts gushing into the holder thingy. Amounting to a pleasant experience for the both of us. I am very happy I came to my senses; I would have been miserable if I became a nurse. ugh what was I thinking. That was one of my many disillusioned moments, so likely I wasn’t thinking.
BTW – I don’t want to be frail and elderly. That shouldn’t even be a thing. I want to be fit, fabulous AF and elderly, a strong, sexy, independent senior. I’ll show you frail you fuck!
Sam
I believe I can safely say I haven’t had a sever moment of disillusionment since working at this new place, although I was ready to quit with ever interaction with our good for nothing nosales guy. I even went on a few interviews and funny enough one of the guys interviewing me said, if it’s only one person that’s spoiling it for you do you really want to leave? Well the answer was no and here I am still. They should have called him the VP of Bullshit or the Master of Manipulation. I still don’t understand why we promote people to their level of incompetency – and if you accept a promotion then it is incumbent upon you to get smart ASAP not just to coast. I hate coasters. If I can’t put my drink on you, get the fuck outta here.
One day I will get arrested for kicking people down the stairs in the subway .., I swear to God! You stop in front of me in a high traffic area to check your phone I’ll break your neck.
There is no way I will be able to finish my presentation this week, I forgot yesterday that I took Thursday afternoon and Friday off.
I have four Prozac pills left which makes no sense cause I’m supposed to be taking three at a time. It doesn’t matter though, I stopped taking my pills again. Today I learned that pastels are not blendable. Pastels! You suck! I need to get into the habit of having separate but same type of paper so I know how the colors will look before I add it to my main art – same like putting new fish directly into my display tank. I need quarantine paper. Years from now I will look back on my first few sketchbook and lol. I like listening to old Motown/R&B when I draw and sometimes too when I am writing my poems.
Wed Sep 22:
Dee and I made it to the Andy Warhol exhibit – it rained and rained and rained. I was waiting to see pigs and octopuses and rabbits. Nothing!!! :(: and my hair got wet and all was still right with the world 🙂
First we went to Planta on Queen then we walked over to AGO. I started my AI presentation; I hope to finish by the end of the week AND it’s official – I will be learning Python yay! The course is about programing and data retrieval, analysis and visualization. OMG!!! Whenever I learn new stuff I think about how I can incorporate what I am learning into my art/poetry. I think everyone does that right?
Tomorrow I will share with you some pics from the exhibit. I was on the phone for almost two hours trying to get my vaccine passport in order. They couldn’t find me in the system. Shoppers finally found me but I have to go back to Public Health again. ugh!
BTW – Dee said I should start drawing my ninja model because I don’t have to do the entire body, I can focus on the feet or just one foot or the hand. When I think of the individual body parts it doesn’t feel as overwhelming and even if I am disappointed with the results it won’t be soul crushing. So I’m gonna go for it.
Bonne nuit!
Tue Sep 21:
I’m very excited cause I finished my AI for Beginners course, I don’t know what to do next thought. I will have to do some research to see where I go next. I asked them for suggestions. Maybe next I will check to see if there is a program somewhere with a number of courses that will get me to somewhere. Before going to bed I will see what I can find. I signed up to test new courses and mentor people as it related to AI don’t know if I’ve been approved yet. I’m also hoping to get the boys interested but no luck so far. Tomorrow I will start working on my presentation for sharing what I learned with the rest of the organization.
The last section of AI for Beginners was wonderful because it covered AI and society which touched on topics of bias/discrimination and attacks – as well as the importance of ethics as we continue on our AI adventure.
Oooh … you know what else I learned today, A roadmap doesn’t have to be just themes based, you can organize based on OKRs, north star, now/next/later and another one but I will continue with themes for now … one method isn’t better than another, it’s just a different way of doing the same thing and ultimately the point is to ensure you don’t have a list of features on your roadmap.
I spoke to my sister today and her stupid bf that I can’t stand was there … he’s always fuckin’ there. WTF. Maybe it just happens to be that way, unfortunate for me. She’s planning to have a party for my niece
So … if I tell you to be out of the house from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm Monday to Friday, is that not clear? He left at 10:30 today so we are getting closer.
I have a bunch of markers and today I discovered that I cannot use them in my Moleskine sketchbook … the paper isn’t thick enough and I messed up my sketch from yesterday cause it bled through the paper 🙁 Test everything … now I have a few unusable pages, but I might be able to do some abstract something.
I finished my work day around noon … I wanted to meet up with Sharon for lunch/dinner but she didn’t get any of her vaccines yet. Plus, I went online to get my passport and it’s telling me it doesn’t have a record of me getting my vaccines. Do you remember when they vaccinated a whole bunch of people for measles or flu but it turns out they were infecting you with an alien virus? I bet you don’t know what show that’s from and I’m not telling.
I’m supposed to go into the office tomorrow but I haven’t heard from Jer … I don’t want to sit there alone but I have to go downtown anyway for the Warhol exhibit so maybe I will go even if I don’t hear from him but later in the day I will get there, instead of 7:00 am
Mon Sep 20:
Today I danced and was screaming and singing along like I was in a club – soon baby soon. 🙂 🎶 I hear you be the block, but I’m the lights that keep the streets on. Notice you the type, that like to keep them on a leash though. I’m known to walk alone, but I’m alone for a reason. Sending me a drink ain’t appeasing. Come harder, this won’t be easy, don’t doubt yourself trust me, you need me. Partner lemme upgrade you. 🎶
The Boy went to school today … he didn’t leave the house at 9:00 am though … he left like noon.
Tickets for Andy Warhol exhibit bought. Dee and I are gonna make it a date … dinner and art. I think the last time we went out for dinner, just her and I, was way before the pandemic … that’s what happens when you live together. I think that’s what happens in relationships too … shit just gets regular and you have to be with someone who appreciates the irregular just as much. You know … “let’s go have sex in the park on the swing.” (not the baby swing, some guy got stuck in there and died cause it cut off his circulation – true story, saw it on 1000 Ways to Die on Spike TV.) OR … “remember that thing we saw in that porn flick, I wanna try it.” “let’s pretend to have seizures while we’re having sex.” “let’s … I’ll save that for another time.” lol.
Do you remember the guy who got electrocuted cause he tried to make his own organic sex machine with a cow heart or something? Hydroflow …
I plan to take a nude pic of myself and draw it – Nude selfies are a right of passage for artist – I didn’t make that shit up! A few years ago I took a pic of myself, a provocative over the shoulder of my back and butt. I looked sexy. It’s out there on the internet somewhere – probably on FetLife. lol. I like pictures like that, rather than full on frontal nudity … Most men don’t get that. I fuckin’ hate dick pics, especially unsolicited ones.
Back in 2015 when I ventured into online dating, I’d get so many DPs and I couldn’t understand why. Then my friend Boris looked at my profile and told me I should change my tag line from, Let’s Have Some Fun to something that doesn’t invite sex. “What?!?!? Since when does having fun only include sex!?!?! Jesus!”
That was my response to Boris. A part of me didn’t believe him but he was right, cause I changed it to just my first name or I might have left it blank and sure enough … no more dick pics. Also … I used to be online late at night just something to do cause I couldn’t sleep … well, even without my fun tagline, men still thought I was trolling for sex cause it was after midnight (that’s when the freaks come out) Lesson learned. (heavy sigh)
Will I ever be ready to start dating again?
I’m having a lot of fun copying artist … I feel ready to try drawing my ninja character – working up the courage. Sometimes I avoid doing things because I don’t want to be disappointed by the results.
Sun Sep 19:
The television is watching me cause I’m so damn interesting, even when all I am doing is sitting and reading. lol.
I bought a bag … a black Rudsak structured leather tote to be exact. It’s beautiful and it’s black, like almost everything else in my closet except my shoes – I think it will go well with my Vans, high-tops, slip-ons. I spend part of the day reading InGenius – was looking to finish the book today but then I mustered up the courage to go outside and get my bag.
Do you know who Morley is? I was looking through his book when I got home, Let’s Burn This Moment Down to the Filter – that book caught my eye after I found my bag. NOW … I am looking for a colorful laptop sleeve, that I cannot find … I may end up buying a plain gray sleeve and coloring it myself flowers and hearts and music and geometric shapes and stuff – I’ll get some Sharpies and go to town. And I wonder if maybe when I get bored I can just color over it again? Neat right!
Today I lost my pencil … I forgot I stuck it in my hair; right across the top of my head. I found it when I looked in the mirror. I thought I lost my Line Friends portable charger, but I found it when I was transferring things from my old bags to the new one 🙂
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the weekend could continue for another five days? I always have a mini meltdown on Sunday 99.9% of me is not looking forward to the week … I just accept now, knowing that I will be fine until next Sunday.
Aside from bedbugs, what else can bite you when you sleep? Killer rabbits from outer space? Your spouse/a family member? How about karma? When karma bites does it leave marks? I think you can consider acid reflux a bite. Centipedes can bite, but I don’t have to worry about that until I go to Guyana.
it’s a cool night. Instead of sleep walking or sleep cooking or sleep eating, I recommend sleep fighting! OR – you could fight and pretend to be sleeping – then no one can blame you for your bad behavior and you get to manage your anger in the worst way, without actual confrontation, if that’s an issue for you, cause maybe you are passive-aggressive or something else might be unright with you. I am not passive, I’m just aggressive.
Sat Sep 18:
See … I felt so lazy yesterday I couldn’t bring myself to hit the UPDATE button.
Went with Matt to get his second vaccine. I had fun hanging out with him and dancing in the street. I feel like maybe I used up a lot of brain power during the week – reading everything I could get my hands on about roadmaps and product management and vision and strategy. I skimmed and scanned about twenty eBooks, not to mention websites … maybe now I have to have a lazy weekend to recoup all my energy just to do it again next week 🙂
Next Wednesday I go see the Andy Warhol exhibit with Dee.
I finally watched Hobbs and Shaw en français.
🎶 I wrote a poem! I wrote a poem! About a dragonfly! Dragonfly! 🎶 Dragonfly my friend!!!
Do you ever feel totally connected to everything? Like, you could see yourself in everyone and everything and because of that you cannot be mean or compassionless or indifferent. Do you know what I mean? Of course, I think you cannot feel that way all the time but it feels good to feel it … and NO! I am not high! But I am very sleepy. Did I tell you I made an appointment to talk to the doctor about my sleeplessness.
Fri Sep 17:
I think Dré is rubbing off on me – I feel exceptionally lazy today.
I didn’t draw. I didn’t write. I didn’t French. I didn’t exercise. The Boy and I did go for a walk around 4:30 am this morning but I don’t count that as exercise; it was more of a stroll. Do you get cravings for salad?
The UV light for my tank didn’t come yet – tankfully, 🙂 I haven’t lost any other fish.
Thu Sep 16:
Guess what? The board members loved my dashboard AND my boss said I did a good job on the brain storming session today – I was nervous cause I never facilitated a BS session before (BS lol). I have some improvements to make on the dash but them is minor. Yay! I’m so proud a me!!! I’m a week behind my workout program with Kenta but I’m doing it. Yay!!! Another reason to be proud – although … I could really use some gummies right now :()
I have nothing else to share … gonna go shower in my proudness, torment the boys a bit then go to bed!
Wed Sep 15:
I seem to have a knack for running into people who are holding onto their sanity by a thread on the TTC. I don’t miss seeing homeless people sleeping on subway grates. BTW … I don’t usually walk on grates, I feel like I may fall in … it’s akin to walking on the glass floor of the CN Tower. I definitely couldn’t sleep on one … well I probably would if I were homeless.
Me had chocolate and oat milk latte patatte. (hmmm the chocolate probably had milk in it … damnit! I still forget to check). Jer and I had lunch at Plant Burger … I have to buy us lunch next week 🙂
Dré made it out the house today … Went to pick up his schedule and buy his groceries. Before he left he called to say he felt something bad was going to happen … I spoke to him when I got home but he said that feeling was different from his usual anxiety.
I probably won’t draw today … my body isn’t use to the commute, neither is my mind – I’m tired AF when I get home and I still feel like I am wasting time during my commute – I know exactly what else I’d be doing. On Wednesday’s I cannot do my French during lunch … I will have to move it to the morning – once I sit at my desk I will do that before starting actual work
Matt started his French class, we agreed to parle en français beaucoup
I slept wrong and now my neck and back hurt. Merde!!!
Tue Sep 14:
Yello! I tried to give away the 18 year old but nobody want a lump of crap in their home – including me.
I had a chat with him today and told him, as of next week he cannot be in the house during the day just sitting about doing nothing … well not nothing, he watches YouTube reaction videos, anime and reads manga. I’m like dude, I don’t care if you have to go to the library or an employment resource center but you cannot be home from 9 am to 4 pm EST.
Today he asked me to make sloppy joes and I said no. He reminded me that I said I would. Well, I reserve the right to change my mind. The boy got all salty and went back in his room … I sent him the recipe. He can cook it himself if he wants. Yesterday Matt went out, bought his groceries, I helped him prep his dish and when he got home from school he cooked. Yay!!! Easy peasy. And I didn’t mind helping Matt in the kitchen because he helps himself.
We’ll see what happens next week. Dré was supposed to go to school to workout his timetable, that didn’t happen. He was supposed to go buy his groceries … that didn’t happen. I had to remind him not to eat my food and go buy his own.
Base your prices on value to the customer, not on your costs. It’s vital to know the costs of bringing a product or service to a customer, as well as the competition’s pricing. But customers are unlikely to know a business’s costs or markup on what it provides. A business therefore shouldn’t base its prices on markups it thinks customers will deem reasonable. It should instead base them on the customers’ perception of the value provided.
Perception of value can be particularly variable in service industries. For example, a graphic design firm that creates a logo for a multinational corporation provides much greater value than a similar logo for a small indie store. The small business might use it on a store sign, shopping bags and customer receipts, but a large organization may feature it at every scale, from business cards to convention banners to billboards and every medium from clothing crests to television commercials.
Thing # 67 in 101 Things I Learned in Business
I was suppose to go to a webinar today on data science but I got the dates wrong, it’s in October. I think I figured out the problem with the Excel chart …
Mon Sep 13:
🎶 There are times, when you’ll need someone, I will be by your side. I’ll take my chances before they pass … pass me by. There is a light that shines, special for you and me. You need to look at the other side and you’ll agree. Darling open your eyes
Let me show you the light, you may never find a love that’s right 🎶
I had a fab training session with Jer. Maybe if I help with QA or something I will get the hang our our system and it will stick to my forehead like my Vans stickers
My boss is showing the dashboard to a board member … it feels really really really super fantastic that when things I create are out in the wild … I won’t know if I need to change/add anything until later this week during our 1:1 likely.
“Hello! My name is Sam. How may I be of service?”
“On your knees! Crawl to me!”
“The fuck!!! Dude! We’re in the office and I said Sam NOT samedi. Professional service. Professional.”
That’s what happens when you mix business with pleasure … don’t do it … lol
I am looking forward to our Christmas/Holiday party already. I plan to stay in town for the weekend … A mini get fucked up getaway. Except I have to drive … I’ll get sauced in my hotel room. Maybe I’ll get lucky by staying up all night and hanging out my window as required, yelling, “Free sex … room 715. Free sex … room 715. Come and get it!”
I’m too sexy for my jokes.
BTW … I haven’t had any alcohol since August something. Whenever it was that my last stash finished. I haven’t even been high.
Dré stayed home all day … I’m gonna have to have a chat with him … you can’t stay home all day doing nothing … you’re schooling or working or finding work. You’re 18 muthafucka and summer is over. He cooked left his shit all over the place and twice I had to tell him to clean up WTF … And all he did was put the dishes in the sink. You ain’t doing shit and you can’t do Shit! Fuuuuuuuuuck! I’m about to lose my shit.
Today I drew at my creative desk in my bedroom. Normally I’d sit on the floor in the living room and draw but the Boys were hanging out there.
FYI … Tonica is now my favourite kombucha … Rise taste bad, like they changed the formula now that they got bigger. And Synergy is just whatever and Remedy is awful.
Sun Sep 12:
The weekend is already over, can you believe it?
I have two weeks to go on my AI for Beginners course. Tweeks 🙂 I’m looking forward to starting the presentation, it will help to solidify my understanding.
While cleaning my fish tank this morning I noticed white dots on a few fish. Not good. Likely my tank is infected with ich. Maybe that is why so many of my fish have been dying but I don’t recall seeing white dots on them. At first I though it was my filter because I forgot to wash off the media before changing it. It’s not easy to get rid of ich. 🙁
Even thought I’ve been told not to have a quarantine tank the stuff I read today said I should so I don’t introduce sick fish into the display tank. Well too late now. I am preparing myself for the potential of losing all fish. Because the bacteria (I think it’s bacteria) has three life cycles they might already be infected … tomorrow I will buy a UV sterilizer to kill the ich floating around but I can’t do anything for the fish that are already infected. Sorry guys 🙁
I guess it had to happen at some point … I won’t introduce any more fish for three months at least – setting up my quarantine tank firstI can’t remember how long they said to keep them in the QT – when I’m ready to start I will check again.
I’m increasing the Boys grocery money to 75$ a week. I’m still not cooking for them – Matt will have to get more money for lunch stuff but that’s it …. Dré will have to get a job if that’s not enough for him. Move out … pay your own damn phone and internet and rent and food and quit sucking up all my apartment air and fuck off.
Sat Sep 11:
I picked up my movie posters today … I walked about 5k in total. At first I made all kinds of excuses for why I shouldn’t walk … It’s too hot out; it’s too far; I don’t have proper walking shoes; what if I need to pee; what if I take the bus there and walk back or vice versa; I could get off a few stops early.
In the end I did it and it wasn’t nearly as hot or too far and I made it there and back without having to pee. When I had about 900 m to go my feet did start to hurt, it felt like I had jagged pebbles in my right shoe.
Don’t believe everything you tell yourself, it might prevent you from doing what’s good.
Sam
Today I learned that chalk and charcoal are difficult to erase.
Main event of the day: The boys trying to kill a spider in the bathroom. I told them to call their sister and I realized how sexist that was. Why do I expect boys to be ok with killing stuff – like it’s not ok for them to be afraid of spiders. I apologized for being sexist.
Ok … so after you’ve realized your bias how do you get rid of it? (homework) … in reflecting after my encounter with the homeless guy I realized that I seem to think, automatically, that homeless people are crazy. I don‘t even know where that came from.
I am happy that I’ve never waited for, or relied on, my employer, any of them, to further my professional development. I am responsible for educating myself.
Have you seen the Freedom Mobile commercial where the dad is happy to have the house to himself cause the kids are back to school? They must be university kids though. I know exactly how he feels. My day will come.
Fri Sep 10:
My butt hurts … I ordered anal sex yesterday from Instacum. The experience didn’t live up to the romantic encounter I fantasized.
Officially, for the record, I am joking, incase you didn’t get that already. Do you think you can buy romance with the sex? Do you have to love someone to make love to them? Do men who buy sex, care about romance?
Maybe instead of pursuing portfolio management and data science and machine learning and strategy, I should train to become a sex worker. I’d like to work in an industry that’s regulated, for my own protection and complete a sex worker course, that is not taught by a pimp but actual front line sex workers where I get a framed certificate when done. Oh joy 🙂 I think in some countries sex workers are sex workers by choice; I hope but I have no idea. My sex worker name will be Samedi.
I ate junk … soda and potato chips. Good news … still going strong on my cash diet. Tomorrow I go to pick up my movie posters – I am super excited. Got 90% on my first quiz from AI for Beginners My boss wants me to share the knowledge with the team … Once the course is complete I will put together a presentation – I have lots of notes already so shouldn’t be too hard … just have to make sure I am concise and succinct. Today I learned that true/real data scientist have to know Python and statistics … Is that going to stop my journey? Hell to the no, but it will slow me down a bit.
I noticed my like of butterflies, I make reference to them in my poetry, not a lot but enough. I also like dragonflies. My next poem will have a dragonfly in it. I especially love how dragonflies move about, they remind me of hummingbirds.
It’s about time for me to update my LinkedIn … there are things I value that I don’t mention in my profile, variety and autonomy (which can mean to some that I am not a team player – But I so am, and if that is how you think, feel free to pass on me) I also don’t mention my hobbies. I want to express myself as a person, the person that I am, NOT the employee you might want … I also value authenticity … this is part of the reason why I love where I am … I get to be me, through and through … Priceless
My landlord is telling me I own them 50$ to cover the rent increase from May but I paid it, says so in my account. I tell them to check their records and instead of replying to my email they put a piece of paper in my mailbox with the same info. Idiots … I’d like to think I’m a patient, easy going person but stupid and inconsiderate makes me Hulk angry. On Monday I am going to go downstairs and stuff that paper notice down her fuckin’ throat and kick the shit outta her maskless douche of a husband. “You want 50$ I don’t owe you! Here. Fuckin’ eat it! But first … I will triple check to make sure I am right.
Cheers to varietas and authenticus. I hope you get to be you and are working on being a better version of yourself every chance you get.
Sam
🎶 This life is more than ordinary. Can’t stop the gods from engineering, feel no need for any interfering. Knocked out but boy you better come to. Don’t die, you know the truth is some do. Choose not a life of limitation distant cousin to the reservation. Go write your message on the pavement. So bright I wonder what the wave meant. Can’t stop the spirits when they need you, this life is more than just a read through. 🎶
Thu Sep 09:
Do you think that one day I will be able to order people like how I can order groceries. An Instacart/Cornershop for humans and instead of produce/cereal isles you have isle categories that you’d find on a porn site …
the vanilla isle, the anal isle, the light bondage isle, hardcore isle, big dick isle, and the BDSM section will be huge, like a Walmart with lots and lots of sub-isles … AND they also do catering. If you can’t find exactly what you need on the shelf, you can place a special order with customer service.
“Hmmm. What am I in the mood for today.”
I think copying master artist is working much better for me than an art class or book or creating individual body parts as seen on some YouTube channels.
Wed Sep 08:
A lovely day at the office ended with a homeless dude following me … I lost him in Tim Hortons. We seem to have our cadence for office meet-ups … every Wednesday. I got the main key card from Jer cause I will get there before everyone. I was super sleepy, but since I was at the office I couldn’t nap. My boss got me coffee instead and that helped to wake me up … I don’t drink coffee at home … Merde!!! I forgot to log my hours yesterday but I think I am all caught up for last week.
I got home a little shook up and paranoid cause of the homeless dude then I’m downright pissed cause Matt is telling me he’s hungry … the Boy been home all day …. ALLLLLLLL DAAAAAAAY … Good news, Dré did manage to get off his butt and wash the dishes … Thank you Boy!!!!
This release version chart is killing me … I can’t get it to display how I want and I have lots of blank spaces but I don’t understand where them is coming from. Tomorrow I will double check the table and field formats and start again. I mean … I could put a normal table in the dashboard but it will be so very different from the rest.
I’ve been putting off completing my latest poem … sometimes you can have too many ideas and I can’t put them all in one poem that will be messy; like having too much furniture in a room, or too much food in your belly or too much wallet in your money (Wait! lol)
My boss thinks I should get help for my insomnia … I’ve mentioned it to my doctor, but because this has been my normal for so many years, I learned to live with it … BUT thank you for reminding me that it is NOT normal to be sleeping ~ two hrs per night for months and months and years and years and years and years and years and years and years ….
BTW … leaving the house to go to work throws a kink in my already unsmooth routine chain. I half-assed my morning workout, didn’t practice French during lunch and I didn’t draw this evening. I did manage to squeeze out a poem though … the words just came to me? Which often feels more authentic than poring over a poem … but that is just my opinion AND I will pore when I need to. 🙂 I don’t believe one turns out better than the other … they just are what they are and that’s ok with me. BUT it is a feeling I struggle with.
Sex is on my mind a lot these last few weeks but I have no one to have sex with. Do women pay for sex, like how men pay for sex? Where do male sex workers hang out? I can’t imagine me driving up to a sidewalk and picking a dude. lol. I couldn’t have sex with a sex worker for the same reason I couldn’t have sex in a sex club with a partner or a stranger … I just wouldn’t feel comfortable. I’d be thinking about all the ppl he had sex with, maybe he didn’t wipe himself off properly. Crabs and dried up sex juice might be stuck in his pubes – condoms can’t prevent communicability. (ewwww … I’m grossing myself out) …
And for the club, likely I’d be thinking about all the ppl who had sex in that same spot before me. I’ve seen couples who bring their own bedding, but still … At the same time, having sex in a motel room is bad too, especially if it’s one of those rent by the hour places, located close to a major highway for a quick getaway. AND I am also assuming that hotel rooms have a different standard of care but who knows. I could have it all upside down … sex clubs might be super clean because they are sex clubs.
I will leave you with that, make of it what you will.
Tue Sep 07:
🎶Bag lady you gon hurt your back. Dragging all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold onto is you, is you, is you. One day all them bags gon get in your way … you can’t hurry up cause you got too much stuff. Pack light. Pack light. Pack light. All you must hold onto is you. 🎶
I’ve decided on what my next stop motion movie will be. Je lost beaucoup fish aujourd’hui 🙁 … Six all from the same school. not sure what happened.
Trying to read my poems in French was painful. I probably should have translated short poems. I cannot wait until I am able to write in French. It’s storming thunder … suppose lightning came down like rain? That would be insane and beautiful too. Maybe also terrifying. I like when everything is gloomy, but only when I can cozy up at home.
I wish they made sketchbooks with different types/colors of paper. Dee said I should create if it doesn’t exist already! Reminds me of my refrigerator that opens like a book. 🙂
I have to go into the office tomorrow … Looking forward to it 🙂 My French frequency dictionary came today 🙂 Booray!!!
Mon Sep 6:
Yesterday I went to see Dee’s new place. I got her two bottles of kombucha as house warming present. The unit is perfect for two ppl and they’ve decorated it nicely.
In the process of working on my new poem, I think I could write erotic fiction. Not that I want to but is there such a thing as erotic poetry? Well there is now … sorta. Lol
I feel nauseous, yesterday and today. Ça va mal.
Sat Sep 04:
This is going to be quick … working on a new poem, even though the others aren’t done yet, but I think that’s alright. I’m just gonna do me.
Finally it is nice and cool. Great weather for sleeping. I wanted to order food today but I would have had to install UberEats and remove one of my credit cards (that includes my bank’s visa debit card) from it’s wired fortress … I ate leftovers instead and made a fruit smoothie when a sudden gummy craving hit me. Yay!!!
Fri Sep 03:
I got my Hello Kitty tin pencil case today … Woohoo!!! It has three layers!!!
I’m officially on a cash diet. By the end of October all my credit cards will be down to < 35% balance or paid in full – I plan to treat them like charge cards in the future. When I have my impulsive spending spree moments, I will use cash which will be painful. No pain no gain!
I wrapped my credit cards in masking tape, armature wire and plastic wrap. It will take a lot of effort for me to get one out. Today I felt like buying myself a shaker cup but my cash has to last till my next pay cheque, so I found myself asking myself, “Do I really need a shaker cup? Really?” The answer is no! Often I just buy without really thinking about need. And then sometimes I am very good at resisting my urges.
By the end of October I will be physically and financially fit! That’s the plan. I feel like the two kinda go together … overspending and overeating are the same no? Wish me discipline!
Next time my boss goes to Paris I wanna go with him, even if I have to pay for myself, there is nothing work related that would justify work paying for me to go to France. Whoever heard of a poet who didn’t go to Paris? I can work from there for two weeks or something, a month maybe and then come back. The knowledge that I can travel and work feels great. I don’t even have to worry about vacation days anymore. Isn’t that awesome!
I ordered groceries from Instacart, I thought I didn’t renew my membership but I did. So I have to remember to cancel in March 2022. The groceries came and Dré is awake, I tell him to put his groceries away.
“Do I have to do that now!”
“Yes. Don’t you have things that need to go in the fridge?”
“Can’t you do it?” (NO MUTHAFUCKA I CAN’T!!!)
“No. I’m working. I bought you what you wanted, put it away yourself.”
Then Matt will play video games all day then ask me to cook. “Mom can you make me something to eat?”
“No.”
“But you’re mom.”
“Alright! You wait for me to cook then!” (he didn’t realize I was being sarcastic or he thought I was joking)
Yo! Even if I have to leave Canada to get rid of these boys, I’m gonna do it. You’re 18 and you can’t put away your groceries cause you’re reading manga or watching anime. And you can’t make something for yourself to eat cause you busy gaming. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck! I got work to do and creative to be. The older you get the more “me” time I’m supposed to have. Then there’s the dishes – Every time I have to wash something that someone else used, when it dries, I’m gonna wrap it up and put it away. Soon there won’t be any dishes or utensils in the kitchen. Fine with me!
So far, out of the pastel, conte, graphite and charcoal, I like working with graphite the most -I think I need to blend so there isn’t such a sharp stop in the shading at the edges of things.
My Japanese frequency dictionary came today – my French one was supposed to come first, now it looks like I have to wait a few more weeks
Thu Sep 02:
I woke up with the realization that I cannot be afraid to make mistakes when I draw and that fear may actually prevent me for making progress – after all it’s just stuff on paper, I could always turn the page and start again or turn the piece into something I didn’t plan for.
I also learned that the texture and colour of your paper can contribute to the overall look of your art work … I will continue to copy from famous artist – so far the pieces I did, I really liked. (I have to remember to write down the artist and title of work)
Today was a good day, I got to see two work babies and a product related meeting we had went very well. Next week, or the week after I will be chatting with my boss about my career and how I can combine somehow my new found love of working with data and Excel and the other stuff I am interested in.
Yesterday and today’s art – I was super confident cause I thought I did such a good job yesterday- the face looked easy … but it’s not, it wasn’t. Dee was laughing … she said it’s like when you see someone in a club and they look good from behind, then they turn around or the lights go on. lmao.
Wed Sep 01:
Bonjour septembre! I know I said I’d start a new post each month but this one doesn’t seem slow just yet … so … we continue until we cannot anymore and I feel lazy anyway.
AGAIN … I was awake so early I already felt like I worked a full day at normal people morning hours. I looked at the time and felt sad … “Shit! It’s only 9:30 am?! Fuck!” I don’t always tell you when I don’t sleep cause it happens so often – I should probably tell you when I get a good night (4-6 hours). Let’s do that instead 🙂
Do you have a favourite utensil? I have a fork that I prefer to eat everything with – including soup and sandwiches. That beautiful silver fork is my best partner.
BTW – I cannot find my lipbalm. I haven’t worked on my Hair poem lately
