Journal

Journal Entry – Week of Aug 16

Sun Aug 16

I just bummed around the house, feeling sorry for myself. Then I got restless and decided to do something. I went to the grocery store. 

I was doing some reflecting, and I think my problem isn’t so much with leaving the house, but what I have to do when I leave the house. I was able to get out to the grocery store, and leaving home wasn’t too stressful. I was able to make small talk with the cashier. 

“Do you need bags?”

“Two please.”

“Do you have Airmiles?” 

“Yes. One sec sorry.” (I usually have my cards out. Don’t know what happened this time)

“How are you paying?”

“Debit.”

But when I have to go out and talk to people. Especially a lot of people and we have to talk about trivial stuff, and people ask questions like, “How are the kids?” How’s work going?” (Do you care? Really!?)

I have a fond dislike for networking (I don’t think I used “fond” rightly that time). During my first two years at this job, every May, we would have an event. We get together with our clients and partners to present the latest features and talk about the roadmap, projects, and partnerships. We’d have it at the Shangri-La. Last year I had to do a technology presentation UGH! – My boss basically dragged me by my hair to do the introductory speech in front of about 30 ppl. Funny thing is, once I got up there and started talking, I was comfortable. (talking at, and talking to, are very different). So … Don’t let your perceived fears stop you from getting shit done! Alright? Ok!

I’ve learned that if you stand in one place, people will come to you eventually. That’s my networking strategy!

Thank God for COVID (Don’t get your panties in a bunch, I’m joking)

Mon Aug 17

Right after our exec meeting was over, I went to my dentist appointment. I had to wait outside until they called me in. Did I ever tell you that I hate going to the dentist?

Whenever I hang out with my dad, he tells me the same stories over and over again, and he speaks about it like it was the first time. I don’t have the heart to say to him, “Dad! This is like the bazillionth time you are telling me this story. I do not want to hear it again!” (dad I love you πŸ™‚ )

Yeah, so … the dentist. I get in, and I have to keep my mask on. They take my temp, and I tell them upfront, “Listen! My budget for this visit is 300$. Make it work!” I realize that going to the dentist is like doing a home reno. You rip down a wall, and you see mould and rotten wood from water damage, then your budget goes up exponentially. That’s what replacing a filling is like. 

I admit to my vicious cycle or avoiding the dentist, and because of that avoidance, I end up having to spend more time and money, and he has to do more work than if I just went twice a year for regular maintenance/cleaning.Β Oh. In addition to my dad bragging about his credit score, he also brags about having all his teeth and no fillings. Can you believe it!Β Β 

My dentist still has the same receptionist, but he always has a new assistant – I mean, I know I don’t go often. Still, I feel like dental assistants should last longer than two years (but maybe that’s just a jump-off job.)Β I tell him that my jaw hurts and I think I might have an infection that’s spreading and eating away at the bones in my face. (OMG I sound like Matt.) He orders an x-ray, and everything is fine. Says he thinks it’s just my wisdom teeth. I feel better, but only for a moment cause it’s time to get the needle. I tell him I don’t want to see it, and I close my eyes.

He starts doing his thing in my mouth – I felt this sharp pain, so I jump. He stops and tells me how important it is for me not to make any sudden moves, and for some reason, I feel like laughing. Maybe it was how he said it. I always have to get the needle twice. It’s so annoying – Why can’t you double the dosage the first time (look at my chart dude). 

I think I saw a movie where someone was being tortured with dental tools. If that were me, I would give up the info immediately. All I have to hear the sound of the device, and it’s over. No further torture required. I wish I could wear earplugs. Halfway through the procedure, he asks his assistant for the D4S something something.

“We ordered it, but it didn’t come in yet.”

“What do you mean it didn’t come in yet!? I saw the envelope!”

“I’ll be right back.” He tells me and gently touches my arm. I hear a commotion in the other room. The assistant stayed with me for a few minutes then she went to join him in the search. Then I hear yelling.

“I’ll find it myself! I know it came in!” I hear stuff falling and shuffling.

“It’s still on backorder!”

“No! It’s not! It’s right here!” He returns to the room.

“Sorry about that. Are you alright?” He says, and gently touches my arm.

I wanted to ask his assistant is she was alright. Nobody wants an angry dentist working on them. No more drama please! We start wrapping up – I have to bite down on that paper to make sure my teeth line up correctly. The receptionist comes in and tells him it’s almost time for his next appointment.Β “The room is going to have to get cleaned up first. I made a mess looking for the D4S [blah blah blah.]”Β 

I owe them 98$.

Tue Aug 18

I get an email from our Trainer about the status of the work he needs to do for the FR project. I had talked to the account manager (AM) about scheduling a meeting for us to have a check-in with the team. We are one month away from go-live and he’s away, on vacation, along with our primary contact on the client-side. I schedule the meeting myself. Dev cutoff is Aug 28, and they are returning Aug 26. Talk about cutting it close.Β 

And this is only phase one. At least our FR PM is back. I am so looking forward to the handoff after program launch on Sep 15. I think I am going to take a week off in Oct. I don’t even know if we are supposed to be Caribbean Crusin’ in Nov.Β 

I have to check with my gf. She’s still hell-bent on going. And I get it, it’s her first cruise, and we were supposed to go in March/April for her bday, just when C19 hit. Everyone was disappointed. I don’t know if I want to go anymore, at least not for another two years, maybe. I do NOT want to be stuck on a cruise ship if the pandemic worsens while we are sailing. And it will suck if we can’t disembark on the seven different islands – that’s part of the whole experience.

Usually, I take my vacations during off-peak times, because when everyone else is away, I can get work done. 

Wed Aug 19

At the end of our product backlog refinement session – I told everyone, “I’m not a big fan of meetings. They suck the life out of your productivity. Meetings should be efficient, effective and actionable.”Β We have three separate product related meetings, and they are disjointed. They should flow nicely to move us forward. That’s my next step.Β 

I think I work a lot because it doesn’t actually feel like work. Sometimes I get in a zone and I can just go on forever.

Thu Aug 20

During our 1:1, my boss sends me a link from Instagram “Subs be like … I love it when you’re mean to me.” Some BDSM shit.Β Yes! I realize that in any other workplace this would be inappropriate. We talk about all the stuff that has to get done.Β 

I pulled an all-nighter. The boys and I were up until ~ 5 am. We kept checking in on each other, “Aren’t you asleep yet?” I had a stroke of work-related inspiration – I documented some process improvements base on lessons learned from the FR project. I think they will help up to run a smoother project next time around, especially for new clinical pathways. 

The power went out at around 2 pm. It only took me a few minutes to see that it was my apartment alone. I go downstairs and tell them. The first thing she says, 

“Are you up to date with your bill.” (Fuck you bitch!) I wonder if she would have asked me that question if I wasn’t black! Then she asks about the breakers (Why wasn’t that your first question?)

Anyway, she sends her husband to check. He walks around the building without a mask when there are signs everywhere to use them in common areas, which they probably had to put up. (idiot!) By the time I get upstairs, the lights are back on.

I sit down to work, but I don’t feel like it anymore – So I end up watching movies. That’s how the all-nighter came about.

Fri Aug 21

Everybody effs off on Fridays. Which is good – We all get a well deserved long weekend every weekend. Let me clarify – I know people are working, but we don’t talk to each other much or send emails. This is very one-sided, of course. My reality may not apply to others. But even in Confluence, hardly any updates on Fridays compared to the rest of the week.

I feel like I have a better relationship with the dev leads. Which makes me happy.  

Sat Aug 22

Today is day eight! This Prozac really does make me drowsy. I was hoping it would lessen by now. I wake up, take my pill, and two hours later, I’m back in bed for like 4-6 hours. I decided to switch to night time like the pharmacist recommended. During the week I had tonnes of coffee to make it through. 

If anyone tries to send you on a wild goose chase, you should not go.Β 

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