Journal

Apr 3 – Journal Entry

I am perturbed and a bit annoyed with myself. Yesterday offered opportunities for self-discovery, which I intend to capitalize on, but I didn’t in those moments. I realized I don’t always speak up in defence of myself, saying what’s on my mind, as I’d like to think I do. I will spend time trying to unpack what I am hearing and experiencing; at the same time trying to understand the other person’s perspective before speaking, but some people don’t deserve that courtesy.

As I reflect on my dating experiences from yesterday, one, in particular, stands out. I am in no hurry to find a “love” connection, but I encounter so many men who readily give out their phone numbers and quickly want to take things offline. Why the rush? Especially now. In a pandemic!

I intend to use Skype to facilitate virtual dates keeping my phone number out of the hands of potentially unsavoury characters. (I’m slightly paranoid like that). If we weren’t experiencing a pandemic, I’d follow my simple first date guidelines that allow for a quick exit if we don’t mesh or long cozy conversations if we do. Some coffee shops are part library, part rustic winter cabin, part dimly lit romantic restaurant. Perfect!

Yesterday I felt pressured, by more than one individual, to give out my number, to take things offline. I didn’t say what I felt – “Listen, you douche! We just met. I like you but not that much. If we never talk again, that would be just fine with me.” But I refrained. I felt the red flags bubbling up from my gut, showing me how he’ll behave when he’s not getting what he wants.

My feelings don’t have to make sense to you. By their very nature, emotions aren’t subject to logic, but you should respect them, appreciate them and give me the same courtesy of perspective as I would you.

Growing up, my dad would always say – the best judge of a person’s character is how they behave when they are not getting what they want. Everybody’s nice when things are going their way.

My dad’s well-read. I don’t think this is his direct quote, probably his interpretation from an author. If it is dad, forgive me.

Off to check out the Discover One Word Prompt for today.

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Shawn L. Bird

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