Happy April Fool’s Day. I wanted to have a piece ready to post, but I’m behind. Maybe working on too many creative projects, but it’s all worth it.
FYI: When I grow up, I’m gonna be a backsliding democracy, which may be worse than being a backsliding Christian. I don’t know? I was already one; when I get to be the other, I’ll compare and contrast.
I don’t like the word grizzled because it reminds me of grizzles, which reminds me of that time I took the Banjo Tuning with Bears course and barely escaped with my life… and my banjo.
Fuckin’ bears. Don’t trust ’em.
Do you remember when Uber Eats was offering people money to take a picture of the food they ordered? I don’t know whose bright idea it was to think that these “customer food photos” are gonna look good.
Food photos require special lighting, proper plating, good-looking surfaces and the right angles. That shit ain’t for everybody. Some of the pics had the colour all wrong. If you’re expecting me to order based on that photo, you just lost 20 bucks bro. How you feel?
I saw one where it looked like dude started eating then remembered, after a few bites, that he could get some cash for a pic, so he rearranged that shit the best he could then “Click.”
I was trying to figure out how the process worked, cause if I were that restaurant owner, no way in hell I’d use that photo to rep my dish. No fuckin’ way! “Brah! I know I didn’t send you that shit looking like that!”
Wouldn’t it be nice if, as the restaurant owner, I could find this guy and extract my pound of flesh based on the number of orders lost because of his photo? (Don’t matter what the number is, might not even be relevant, what matters is that I get to do it.)
I’ll show up at his door. “Remember me!”
“No.”
I’ll show him the picture, phone in one hand, lead pipe in the other. “My chicken alfredo ain’t brown, bitch.”
“I didn’t take that.”
“It doesn’t matter cause now you get to take it again. Get your phone and place the order.”
“What!”
I’ll tap him hard enough in his head with the pipe for him to get the message. “Here’s what we gon do. When the food show up, you gonna take a pic, imma reveiw that shit and buss yr ass till you get it right.”
Torture should not excite me, but it does. I might have issues in my next relationship.
At the moment, I don’t want to see Scream 7. I watched Crime 101 (2026) on Prime today, although I was able to predict the outcome and some of the lines, I enjoyed it.
How’s life treatin’ you? I’m slightly deranged but otherwise alright.
Wed Apr 1
Photo by Hashem Al-Hebshi on Unsplash
© 2026 Ociola Samantha Williams. All Rights Reserved.
