Next Journal Entry

Would it be possible to die long enough to lose fluids and decompose, and then when I live again, I am my ideal weight? Also, I’m thinking about painting all surfaces of my bathroom brown camouflage – that way, if I have an accident, I don’t have to worry about cleaning up.

Question of the Day: Who’s feeding the alive version of Schrödinger’s cat? I guess it doesn’t matter anymore; he’s probably dead now too.

I am happy to let you know that I have one book on Amazon! I’m not happy about the layout and stuff but it’s up there or will be in 72-48 hrs. The process wasn’t difficult at all. Amazon’s done a great job of walking you through. I wish, though, I could use my own templates. I’m so proud of myself right now, and although that guy is a douche, the one who told me I have to braid my hair before he takes me out …

He was in my life long enough
to plant the idea, and for that, I have to say,

“Thank you!”

I’m already working on the paperback version and thinking about what to publish next. I’ve also learned that lots of people turn blog information into books. Cool, right?

Of all the men I’ve met recently, I do believe some people come into your life just long enough for you to discover something new. A few days after I quietly decided to end things with B2, I got this beautiful quote from Sharon. She sends quotes every day. I have no idea where she gets the quotes from or who said them; I just read, savour, and let them permeate my being.

I was not a priority in B2’s life, and I definitely wasn’t supported or understood. And B1, I don’t even know – he’s just in a class alone, he has his own fucked up personality looking-for-a-sugar-mamma-few words-shit going on – he could be married for all I know.

The other day, I thought about having sex with him again, but I changed my mind – but I do really want to have sex. The universe only put us on the same wavelength with that one sexual encounter – even though I like/liked him, it wasn’t meant to be, and he’s not the kind of man I want in my life – you know, the strong silent weakling.

It takes strength and courage
to open up and talk about things
and share your feelings

I wish more men knew that
Because it’s nothing to be ashamed of

Sam

I feel gross admitting I wanted to fuck with him again, but it’s true. I am fortunate to not have any regrets in my life, don’t want to start now. Once I came to my senses I was really glad I didn’t go to him. Like really glad. Like winning one of those hospital lottery grand prize happy!

One guy, I only need one guy, Jesus! One guy who is:

1. Mentally Mostly “Normal” and Emotionally Available – like short men (the Rochester and mall guys)
   • Great convos – they were both easy to talk to
   • We could talk about anything
   • We’d cook together
   • He should:
     • be good at planning and decision-making
     • Know how to unwind and manage his stress levels
     • be aware of and understand his emotions
     • be able to express himself in a healthy way
2. Sexually Capable – like B1 and sometimes B2
   • we can’t get enough of each other
   • I could be my curious sexual self with the Rochester guy
   • I want to be with someone who wants to experiment (always with consent, of course)
3. Super Affectionate – like B2
4. Physically available – we can do places and go stuff and talk for hours
   • healthy
   • Proper hygiene
   • Disease-free (that should be a given, but I had to say it)
5. Socially Adept
   • Proper communication skills
   • Relationship skills
   • He cannot be xenophobic, homophobic, or misogynistic or any other nasty shit
   • Hunting, fishing and trapping skills (joking, but would be a nice-to-have when we gotta get out of the city cause of the zombies)

🎶

Is love behind me?
Though I need you to satisfy me
Destiny will prove to divide me
For you’re a part of me
I feel the love within you
Your beauty lies deep within you
Touching me when you feel the need to
Become as one with me

So let me down easy
If ever you were to leave
My love, let me down easy
For all I know is you

🎶

Isley Brothers

One last thing – I’m working on a schedule. Given my impulsiveness and lack of discipline and consistency, we’ll see how long it lasts:

• Sun – Create Blog Post
• Mon –
• Tue – Artist Date
• Wed – IG Post
• Thu – Artist Date
• Fri –
• Sat –

And just like I’ve accepted that height is a big deal, I will accept my impulsiveness, indecisiveness, inconsistency and indiscipline. Given all of these things, I will focus on what’s most important to me within the confines of my mercuriality:

1. My creative life (writing, drawing, photography, digital art)
2. My nutrition
3. My exercise

I hope you had a good weekend! – Don’t trust pig farmers with your life.

Can I pet that pwolf? (a pwolf is a pig wolf hybrid that eats people.)

Sun Mar 24

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