Author’s Note: This piece is dark satire critiquing authoritarian reproductive policy. It contains explicit references to sexual violence and reproductive trauma.
I will be using separator lines when I go from one topic to the next. Mostly. Separator lines only work if you are reading – saying “Separator line approached” sucks as bad as Mondays. I’ll keep trying.
About the audio: A bit too aggressive on the editing, I was with Garageband and it took forever. Will have to figure out the best settings for voice recordings.
So I show up for class on Sunday all excited and shit only to find out it was cancelled – Fuckers! No email message. No nothing. I thought about taking the on-demand Sketch Writing II but it’s not gonna be the same as the in-class experience – I will be doing myself a disservice. Anyhow, hopefully, they have it next term.
When I grow up I will be a poison dart puffer fish. I’ll kill people who are loitering or littering. That includes two points for homeless people cause they litter and loiter with their bodies and stuff; I feel they secretly pray for death anyway so it’s alright. God spoke to me! “Go forth, Righteous Sam to relieve yourself of this blight on the world. It is your duty.”
Whenever killers talk about God speaking to them, he never tells them anything good. God ain’t gon’ tell you anything good if you already got hate in your heart for certain people. He can only work with what you give him.
Monday Morning Head Tune:
🎶
That might be Neil Diamond
You are the sun
I am the moon
You are the words
I am the tune
Play
🎶
Do you think dead people hang out at their funerals? I feel that’s the last place you’d wanna be. You just died, who knows how you’re feeling and now you gotta deal with sad people and listen to them talk about the life you don’t have anymore.
My going away party will not be in a church – unless you can do debaucherous things at church. Maybe I will have a going away orgy – actually, that would make me sad cause it would remind me of all the sex I’ll never have and I can’t participate. Do dead people care about sex? If you don’t have your physical body do certain desires melt away? Do you need to eat? If not, my weight loss will be successful when I’m dead.
BTW.25: What does it mean to be scared shitless? And can you be scared naked – like the paradoxical undressing that hypothermia sufferers do? You’re going to die but you think you’re going to have sex.
BTW1.75: When Dre cooks, it looks like someone threw up on his plate. “Mom, taste this!” He only cares that it taste good.
BTW2: Dee introduced me to Cake on Disney+ and it made me feel good watching it – there is a place in the world for short random crazy nonsensical shit. It reminded Dee of Robot Chicken. Most times I don’t know where I belong, or where I fit in.
🎶 My name is … Shake zula, the mic rula, the old schoola, you want a trip, I’ll bring it to ya … Cause we are the Aqua Teens, make the homies say ho and the girlies wanna scream! 🎶
Cheers! To the weirdos! 🤩
Well … my suitcase is packed and the one most important thing I cannot find … my bathing suit.
Proceed with Caution!
sam
Since I will be leaving shortly we must wrap up Name That Tyrant No. 5 a bit earlier but that’s ok because we already have our winners. Five to be exact. Thanks, everyone for participating – better luck next time. To the winners goes the spoils.
The fortunate five who knew the answer was Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu will receive a two-week stay in the psychiatric hospital of their choice, one twelve-pack of animal intestine condoms (which can be reused until they can’t be), one DIY Abortion Kit (for women who don’t want to become “heroine mothers”) and a ten-pound bag of rice for hiding the kit.
🎶
Abortion
Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do
Abortion
🎶
The abortion kit has not been approved by the FDA, Health Canada, the JMAFF or the APVMA. As I understand it, the kit was used by vets but it’s been repurposed recently for humans – You can sterilize and reuse as much as you want, which makes it highly valuable and shareable. Given the state of affairs in the USA, our winners in Texas and Alabama will definitely appreciate the DIY Abortion Kit.
This DIY Abortion Kit is a gift from God. Hopefully, no one will ever have to keep a rape baby or become a mother, unless they want to.
🎶
Rape baby
Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do
Rape baby
🎶
I will draw for you the abortion kit – it is on my to-do list
Mon Jul 10, 2023
© 2023 Samantha Williams. All Rights Reserved.
