In search of my one true love, I was hanging out at a local monkey bar but monkeys are constantly monkeying around and that gets annoying after a while. I like to joke and play too but they’re never serious. No more monkeys jumping on the bar/stool.
I don’t understand the concept of organic honey. When is honey NOT organic? Are bees getting the raw materials from a manufacturing plant? They go there to buy nectar and honey enzymes, then bring it back to the hive? Why would you need to put “organic” next to “honey!?” Has the meaning of organic or honey changed? A change of which I am not aware.
… If you care, the boys are still here. Alive and kicking. I am very proud of Matt – He found his passion in acting/theatre and I will support him in whatever he endeavours to do.
Have you found your passion yet?
Sam
NOTE: If you are impatient and don’t wish to
continue searching you can buy yours at
Zealots and Idolatry
My passion is carrying other people’s babies for a short while and then leaving the pesky vermin on their doorstep by throwing them, as one would throw a brick into a window.
🎶
I’m gonna lay down my burdens
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
I ain’t gon’ study one no more
I’m gonna meet my sweet Jesus
Down by the river side
Down by the river side
🎶
Once again, I didn’t go to an event my friend invited me to. This time it was his mom’s birthday party, last Saturday. I had all intentions of going when I said yes but then I got the most awful case of vertigo ever – I was throwing up. I called 811 on Saturday and they told me to see a doctor within twenty-four hours. I was all pan/icky and worried I wouldn’t make it to writing class.
First thing Sunday morning I went to a walk-in clinic and they did a few tests to make sure I wasn’t having any neurological issues. Pushing, pulling, resisting and standing with my feet together and eyes closed. She prescribed the Epley maneuver and meds I’d never heard of, cause I failed parasology.
Turns out … we have crystals in our ears and when they become dislodged it can cause benign positional vertigo. “Crystals you say!? But I wanted a stroke damnit!”
“You don’t want a stroke!”
“Yes! I do! Diagnose me with a neurological problem and order lots of tests or else!”
Instead, she called security. Anyway, they let me off with a warning after I told them menopause made me want to have a stroke and threaten the doctor. And on my way to class, I got to thinkin’ bout how I is gon’ get them dang crystals outta me ears and make some money.
OBSERVATION: There are priceless crystals in my ears! (technically I didn't see them but I trust the doctor) QUESTION: How do I get them out and make lots of money? HYPOTHESIS: Often, people use heavy equipment and explosives to mine for stuff, therefore I will use said equipment and explosives to extract the crystals from my ears. EXPERIMENT: Find buyer. Insert dynamite into ear and light fuze. Once she blows, use heavy machinery to separate crystals from other particles. RESULT: Don't know cause I'm dead. CONCLUSION: Use a different explosive next time. (oh there'll be a next time)
Sometimes I wonder if my random illnesses are induced by anxiety. I didn’t even tell my friend I wasn’t going to make it. I’m glad I was able to class on Sunday but then it was back again Monday morning and part of today. I’ve been avoiding screens as much as I can because that makes my head hurt worselyer.
🎶
Hark I hear the gospel army
Pressing on by land and sea
Hark I hear the gospel army
Marching on to victory
🎶
Well … You’ll be pleased to know my runners and blackouts were a hit! Everyone clapped. The teacher liked it but said they should build up and the last one should be the funniest. I thought that only applied when using beats in a sketch but now I know better. Check them out!
Save your best joke for last yes!
Bee my friend!
Tue Jun 06, 2023
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