… OMG I’m on fire. In a bad way!
Dre is worried for me because my spending and horrendous eating habits appear to be more out of control than usual. However, knowing my history, I can safely, and truthfully, say that is not the case. I’m not deluding myself by any means. He’s only known me for 19 years. I told him:
Children should not worry about their parents.
I don’t want you worrying about me.Sam
Of course that is easy to say – now I gotta prove to him that he doesn’t need to worry. So I am making a whole-ass effort, rather than my previous half-ass ones, to ensure I eat correctly.
I never run out of boogability. The oogie part? Well that’s something else entirely.
On another note, Bossman doesn’t realize how much mental preparation it takes for me speak in a formalized setting. I do a tonne of thinking – weeks, days, hours for presentations and meetings.
- I think about:
- what I want to say
- how imma gonna say it
- the best order to say it in
- how people are going to react
- what questions thems gonna ask to me
- am I going to have the answers
- if I don’t have the answers, are everything going to fall apart
When Bossman calls my name in any meeting, the first thing I do is panic. Today, he just wanted me to share my views with the rest of the team on how last week went, especially around a few meetings we had. I however, acted like he was asking me to explain Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle or quantum interrogation. (I require lots more of prep time than usual for that shit.)
Even though it was simple enough, my brain didn’t think so – I heard a massive explosion and smelled hair and flesh burning. Then all the screaming. So much screaming. And running. AND … I have no way of escaping. I will burn to death or get crushed and then charred. Either way, the outcome not good.
If I could show him what goes on in my head he may stop calling on me altogether – but I don’t want that cause then I would just stay where I am without growing. Technically, he needs to call on me more frequently for me to get comfortable. That’s how this stuff works.
RAPE AS WEAPON OF WAR
I started reading about this from images and captions in Of Love and War.
In the 1990s, rape was used as an instrument of ethnic cleansing in the former Yugoslavia and as a means of genocide in Rwanda. In the former case, women belonging to subjugated ethnic groups were intentionally impregnated through rape by enemy soldiers; in the latter case, women belonging to the Tutsi ethnic group were systematically raped by HIV-infected men recruited and organized by the Hutu-led government.Britannica
I’m learning how to scale properly when there are many components involved. Also, I am learning to be patient with myself. When I first started learning to draw, it was very easy to finish a piece in one sitting and I haven’t fully adjusted my expectations.
Tomorrow I will show you one of Terada Katsuya’s sketches. There’s a bitcoin “cash machine” in the variety store. I go prepare my IG post – and I have no idea what poem to use.