Four Year Milestone Approaching

Today I learned that it is alright to (s)pace myself. Doing nothing is good for my brain and my idea generator, wherever that is. I woke up at 2:42 am this morning and decided not to go back to sleep.

Some douche on the train was playing his music mad loud through a speaker around 6:00 am morning. Reminded me of guys who walked around with their boomboxes in the 80s. Do you think he asked everyone in earshot if they wanted to hear his music? Inconsiderate people annoy me. Greatly.

Maybe they don’t realize they are being inconsiderate. I’ve likely been inconsiderate and just didn’t know it.

I’ve been at my current employer for three years, ten months and eight days. The longest I’ve ever worked anywhere in my entire working life.

I’m proud of myself!

Sam

With contract and non-contract work, it’s always been:

• My manager is a colossal jackass. I’m outta here.
• This place sucks. I’m outta here.
• I’m about to have a meltdown. I’m outta here.
• I’m sure I should be doing something else: nurse, pilot, heavy machinery mechanic, something in waste management, mortician … I’m outta here.

The shortest amount of time I spent somewhere was one or two months maybe. I had a total fuckin’ shitbag manager. I think it’s because of her that I still don’t like reporting to women. As soon as I find out my manager will be a woman, I drop out.

As for my relationships, it’s always been:

• What purpose do you serve in my life again!? I’m outta here.
• I change my mind. I’m outta here.
• This isn’t what I pictured it to be. I’m outta here.

Of course, it was never me; always them. I know now that my BPD and bipolarity are behind it all. I leave people before they can leave me – it’s how I avoid abandonment. You can’t abandon me if I leave first. Anywayhow … I plan to stay with this company until I have to leave cause I hugged someone at the wrong time and/or touched them in a private place and made them uncomfortable.

All joking aside – I am glad I know why I behave the way I do, and I feel I am exactly where I need to be right now. And when my next relationship comes along, I promise to … actually, let’s not go there.

Inside my mouth feels funny, I think the fried pickles might have burned me and plus I don’t know if I’ve trained the pets or they’ve trained me. I might take the afternoon off tomorrow, depending on how well I sleep tonight.

I love mountains and horses and rabbits and rats and music and my family and my coworkers and ME! 🙂

I hope you love YOU too!

Tue Mar 15, 2022